I wish I could give it more than just a thumbs down, cause this one takes it. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! This is, up to date, the worst remake thus far...

You might be asking yourself...

Worse than Dawn of the dead remake?
Worse than Amityville remake?
Worse than House of wax remake?
Worse than Saw remake?
Worse than Texas Chainsaw massacre remake?
Worse than Darkwater remake?
Worse than The Grudge remake?
Worse than The Ring remake?
Worse than... well, by now you're getting my point that nothing you've seen is original, right?

But this I can tell you... "THE FOG: remake" Is the worst one to date.

It's loaded to the hilt, ready to aim, duck, roll and fire with all that makes up a "hollywood" horror movie. If it's  wasn't bad acting, terrible dialogue, mundane plot points, I knew it was coming segments, don't go out there moments, stupidity at every turn... This movie wouldn't have even been watchable.

Did I just say this out loud? Yes, yes I did... This movie was so bad that the only thing good about it was waiting in anticipation to see just what you'll see or hear next from the crap asstic cast they had here.

I've never seen a movie, ever! That threw more useless characters at you ever! They would introduce characters here, just to kill them off so they could save the main cast. It's true. Everyone in Antonio Bay died, but the main characters LOL! Hell, the original made sense... it was only after a set select blood line of folks... not in this one. If you were a direct decendent of the ones at fault... Well... we'll kill your cousin instead. LMFAO!

I don't know what was worse... The fact this went to press and people will eat it up or the fact Carpenter and Hill both attached their names to it. I'm shocked at this.

SPOIL ALERT AND ALL THAT~

Oh and the best part was looking at the flaws and inconsistant stuff.  For instance... Mom, no more than 23 to 25 has a 12 year old kid... Logically, in this fucked up world it happenes... but in Antonio Bay this wouldn't fly and she wouldn't own her own light house and run a music station out of it... No! The original made sense. Andrea was in her mid 30's and had a 10 year old son... Why not do that, guys? Oh... you want a young, hip, cast? Well I don't and this movie proves why they suck!

Then... every 30 seconds something GLASS was getting broken. I mean it. I swear to god, if someone wasn't breaking glass, someone was going thru it. Something glass was gonna be broken every 30 seconds... it was clock work.

Then... Nick Castle, the lead, is driving 80 miles an hour thru the fog... yet he complains about not being able to see... Then they get into a wreck. LOL! Why the fuck are you going that fast if you can't see? Oh, that's right... you needed to break some more glass and have another wreck in your lousy ass movie. take a note that no one dies here, either.

then... The funniest part comes when Stevie's car breaks down in the midst of the fog and is struck "HEAD ON" by a big truck... in this case not one window is broken... I call bull shit, but it gets even worse. The car rolls down a hill into the ocean below... Does she die? NOPE! She lives, only after being traped in the car for 5 minutes and then swiming to the surface... Only to be in the next scene reunited with her son... get this... She's not even wet, I'm not kidding... Her hair was bone dry. What'd she do... stop off at the house and blow dry her hair?

Then... She gets a camera, get this... A web cam and just sticks it on her Pc and in seconds is using it. No cut to, no nothing... Just bam! Boots it right up. Now, in my time with digital and pc driven software you always have to install the software to run something like that... but not her in Antonio bay... no way! But the point of it was even more absurd... why did she get this gift? To later on see the man who gave it to her catch on fire and blame it on the fog LOL! Scratching your head? So was I... LMFAO!

Then... They had the token black guy, of course... but the funny part about it was... this is Antonio Bay oregon and he's the only black person in the whole movie. In the whole town for that matter. Why would 1 black guy settle in here? He wouldnt! He'd see an ass load of white people and move on down the line. I don't care how much he loved Nick Castle... It was stupid! It made no sense and it just made the movie that much more unbelievable. It was ass!

This movie was littered with stupid moments just like these above. It was the most absurd pile of trash I've ever seen. I was drug to this by the same set of friends who took me along for all the other remakes and when I left I realiZed why.... So we could pick it apart and make fun of it and point out exactly what they all do wrong.

I can write a better movie than this. I have wrote better movies than this and I'm not afraid to say it anymore.

This movie started out wrong and it ended worse. The ending wasn't a shock or a surprise it was a becon I read from a mile away. This movie was perhaps the most uninspired movie I've ever seen... I'd rather sit thru an "I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE" marathon than watch this movie again...

I don't even give this movie a half ass nod. Nothing worth watching or seeing in this movie ever again. The lead actress wasn't even hot... I'd dismiss this if she could act, but she couldn't even do that. She had a large chin... she looked like Mac the Moon from Mcdonalds.

Anyways, don't waste your breath or time on this one. Trust me.

I watched Ebert & Roeper this morning and they mentioned The Fog wasn't made available to critics to preview so it could then get reviewed, that's always a clear sign of a really shitty movie.

It'll probably have a decent couple of weekends then fade away, only to reappear on DVD by year's end. Anyone want to bet the "extended, unrated cut" will be out on DVD by Xmas?

I can almost say you read the minds of the film company ha-ha Horror movies are silly in how they release a crappy version and bring out an unrated director's cut that's "much better"

Maybe the director's cut includes an extended sequence where she installs the webcam software and includes the missing link that will crack the movie wide open and make it a picture of the year! That's why it sucked. It was necessary to appeal to the masses. When the extended version comes out, that will appeal to the ones who like movies. Yeah, yeah, that's it. It'll all be in there. Suddenly, it will all make sense. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah I noticed yesterday that it wasn't available to critics, so that already tells you it'll stink.  The marketing campaign for this actually started out decently.  When I first saw a TV spot for this, it looked interesting, but then seeing the same TV spot during every commercial break usually means it's a piece of crap and I was waiting for the day where it would flop.

Anyway Balt, your review was hilarious!  That's the kind of trash that Hollywood is slipping us now and it's sickening.  Pete, don't expect this to have a couple good weekends.  I can see maybe 7 million its first week AT MOST and then a huge decline.  No more than 15 million for its run and on an 18 million budget, it's yet another loss for Hollywood.

Oh well, thanks for the review.

The web cam scene was just one of many, many, many flawed parts of this flawed pile of trash. It had nothing going for it. It's a horror movie, yeah, but still... I believe, in order, to make a horror movie scary you have to still have realisim there... In some form or another... to me anyways.

& in horror the only way one can really do this and be consistant with the movie is by having continuity... This movie had none! ZERO! Zilch!

I agree making a web cam installation scene would be a waste of film... but don't give me this bull shit of her pulling it out of a gift box and then plugging it into her computer and the shit just working. That's what happened. It's not logical. It's stupid! If you want the web cam so bad... have her pull it out, shrug and then cut to something else... Go back later on and show her using it. That would've made it work.

This scene really bothered me... but the whole movie did.

I cannot believe people are eating this up as being scary or even half ass good. It was just like the ring and all the other movies. Water is the theme and people think it's still scary... it's not! In the original, the pirates were scary... not the water.

I could have a feild day with this movie. I wish I had my own tv show where I could review movies cause I'd love to go off on a 5 minute rant about it.

But surely you knew it was going to be bad before you saw it. How come you always end up seeing these inevitably bad horror films?

I'm curious, Balt, as to your opinion of the best/most realistic slasher film out there.  While I don't see too many of them, I always liked the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.


Phil

I go with friends... They are split. I have two who think just like me and the others all have faith in movies. Like I said, at the end of the day, I go to make fun of the movie and see just how far away they can get from the original concept... this one was so far gone, it was shot thru the ass a few times and then fed to us all. That's the taste it left in my mouth.

As for my favorite slasher film... NEW YORK RIPPER, no question about it. It's brilliant! It's a movie that if no one told you or you didn't look it up... you'd never in a million years guess the killer. It's masked so well and written so well that it's crafted like a work of art.

Now... american ass holes did the voice acting and of course they suck. But get past that. Get past the lousy american actors doing the voice work and listen to the story. Soak in the brutal nature of the movie and the realisim of it all.

NEW YORK RIPPER is a work of pure genius. Fulci's best movie ever... or well, one of them. I'm partial to CAT IN THE BRAIN too.

The original Chainsaw was also good.

Well here... here is a list of good ol' flicks I love.

Touch of Death "a Fulci masterpiece. See it to believe it."
House of Clocks "another Fulci masterpiece. Bizzare and ultra original."
Scarecrows
New York Ripper
Tool Box Murders "original"
Texas ChainSaw massacre "original"
Stage Fright/bloody bird/the aquarious
Black Christmas
Gore Gore Girls
Gruesome Twosome
Wizard of Gore "like my avitar proudly displays"
Two thousand maniacs "original"
A Blade in the Dark
Pieces
Twitch of the Death Nerve/Bay of blood
Mad Man
American Gothic
Silent Night Deadly night
House By the cemetery "brilliant slasher/ghost story/gore flick"


I've got a whole host of others but these are among some of my favorites off the top of my head. In no order really.

Check some of them out. You'll love 'em.

Heh, Fog made 12 million this weekend and wound up at number 1.  Good profit, bad weekend.

I figured people would lop this one up... They think it's the second coming of christ, I'm sure. I hate how people in the theater were generally scared and shit. It wasn't scary. It's like people go out of their way to be scared and scream and shout just so others will join in... well, too damn bad!

This movie sucked and so do those people.

All these bad movies become number one here in Canada after a few weeks, generally films that scare me I never like because they are bad. When it's over you feel cheated that they couldn't make the story, dialogue, acting and everything come together and be an experience and not just another film.

I looked up New York RIpper and was wondering if you knew does the DVD come with the original Italian actors voices or is it dubbed right away and you can't get the original voices? Because I find with foreign films that dubbed versions (Yes they allow you to hear the dialogue but it's somewhat bad and you lose the emotion of the film/actors) but I like to listen to the original voices with subtitles.

If you've ever watched Chinese films even the actors are dubbed with other chinese actors and it's done terribly, the voice never matches the dialogue being spoken and it just ruins the experience.

Dubbed movies are worst of all, they get bad actors to play the roles and it turns it into a comedy.

New York Ripper only has a 6 on IMDB. It costs a lot of money as well, I'll try to pick one of those films you mentioned up. Not having any luck with Dead and Breakfast so maybe with luck they carry some classic pictures you mentioned.

Trust me Wes, those people who rated it are dip shits... NYR is an amazing who done it, but I will tell you this. It's not... NOT... for the faint of heart. It's very brutal in some instances. I don't wanna ruin it for you so I won't go into depth or detail but the way these people die are often violent. Crude. Disturbing and just revolting.

One death comes to mind when the "killer" splits a woman's nipples in half with a razor blade and then her eye balls. It's so haunting to watch this take place. But if you can pass all that up and look at the amazing story Fulci and company crafted here, you won't be disappointed. It's gripping. It's impossible to figure out 1st time thru and well worth the buy...

You can "on the fulci collection edition of the film" watch just the subs on it. It does make it better. American ass holes always fuck up italian movies. Always! It pisses me off.

I'm sorry to hear you can't get Dead n Breakfast up there... it's well worth the buy too. Also, "UNDEAD" it's amazing too. It's actually my new favorite zombie flick, if you're into them. I saw it about a year ago and then just bought it as it was just released here in the states... thank god.

Boooooooooooooooo. This was literally the worst movie i have ever seen. EVER. I walked out in the middle and demanded a refund. This is a sad poor excuse for a film. SOME but not all of the actors (coughSELMABLAIRcough) were okay but the writing/plot was like something I stepped in. I personally dont hate PG-13 horror but  *pretend this is in all caps* Do NOT see this peice of shit. It sucks more ass than michael jackson in an episode of barney.

really i thought that it was the best move that i have ever seen but that is your opnion