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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Reviews    Movie, Television and DVD Reviews  ›  Carver Moderators: Nixon
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  Author    Carver  (currently 1916 views)
Zack
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 10:04pm Report to Moderator
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One of the many plus's of working at a video store is that I get to rent movies before they are released. Tonight, I grabbed a low budget film called Carver.

The story is simple and not too original. 5 friends that our out camping are stalked and captured by a derranged mad man. They are then brutally tortured and killed. However, this is the best torture porn film out there. Period. You see everything! A guy gets his balls smashed with a pair of pliers, and you see it all! This movie pulls no punches. It never tries to be something it isn't.

For a low budget movie, the acting and the directing are terrific! However, the lighting is another story. It's terrible. The sound is a bit iffy as well.

Overall, this is one bloody fun movie. I highly recommend it for any horror fan. It comes out next tuesday.

7/10

~Zack~
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Shelton
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 11:27pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
A guy gets his balls smashed with a pair of pliers, and you see it all!


This reminds of that night you went on and on about the "Pain Olympics" in the chat room.  I'm sensing a pattern here.

You should look into working at a winery, cause you're definitely passionate about squashed grapes.

Anyway, I'll probably pick this up because in addition to no life,  I have Unlimited Netflix and Hollywood Video rental packages.


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Shelton
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 11:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
you should definetly check it out Mike. I think it'll surprise you.


That'd be an interesting change of pace.  It takes a lot to surprise/shock me anymore.  Actually, if it were about GW Carver going around and killing people with peanuts, that would probably do the trick.


Quoted from Zack
P.S.- I hate grapes.


Would you prefer I said balls?  


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Dreamscale
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Zack, I'm shocked!  Literally shocked!  First of all, this film is called "Karver".  Secondly, it's terrible!  One of the worst low budget horror films I've seen, and I've seen a shitload of them!

FX were horrific.  Acting downright terrible.  Plot...awful.  Story...pathetic!

Maybe you're referring to another movie, actually spelled "Carver", but I don't think so.

We are talking about a movie centered around a party at an old pumpkin patch/farm, right?

Wow, if this is the one you're talking about, I disagree with you 100%, and would give this movie a score of 1 out of 10 at best.
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Toby_E
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Pretty sure he's referring to this film Dreamscale:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001333/


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Dreamscale
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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Ooops!  Sorry.  My bad.
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dresseme
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Ooops!  Sorry.  My bad.


Odds are you probably wouldn't have liked it anyway, unless you're a fan of torture porn.
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Dreamscale
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 5:13pm Report to Moderator
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I've been known to enjoy the genre.  Hostel and Hostel 2 are two of my favorite flicks of all time, believe it or not!  But then again, I hated Turistas and Captivity, cause they were just weak/lame clone wannabes.
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Shelton
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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I did end up renting this not long after I made the comments above.  It wasn't very good, and the pliers part looked like somebody crushed a partially shaved coconut.


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Zack
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
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I actually ended up buying this film. I like it, but see why people don't. It's very low budget.

~Zack~
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stevie
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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I love the cast list on imdb: 'naked dead girl'...'horny camper victim'.

Tommyp could've auditioned for both of those!

But i suppose he was too busy having his dusters squashed by the pliers...



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Dreamscale
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 7:58pm Report to Moderator
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That's some funny shit there, Stevie!  Tommy would definitely do well as the naked dead and horny camper victim.  Does he even have any balls?  LOL!!!!!!!

I'm seriously laughing my ass off over here.  Nice one, Stevie!!!
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stevie
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Jeff, good to hear you man. Another slang name over here in Oz, for balls is 'wheels'. Last year, a football player told how another player grabbed his wheels in a tackle!  so me and the lads adopted it. classic!

Tommy will be after me now...



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Dreamscale
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 8:22pm Report to Moderator
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Only if he catches wind of this this thread.

BTW..I tried to read your My Sweet Lord of the Rings...couldn't get to far into it, so I didn't post.  One thing it di do, though, was get me singing "My Sweet Lord" over and over in my head.  What a great tune!  Also, I really think your title is sweet, but the humor was kind of lost on me.

Take care!
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stevie
Posted: June 15th, 2009, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers buddy.  Yeah, in retrospect, my LOTR parody got me sidetracked. I needed to get it out of the way though. Have been back into my football in the future script. I skipped ahead some scenes and am writing a couple of pages a day. still having probs with my action scenes but i'll get there.  later man.



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Tommyp
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
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Okay thanks "friends", Stevie and Jeff. Next time you guys get in another bar fight, I'm walking the other way ... To get my camera to film it!

I can't act well at all, so those roles wouldn't fit me. Except for "naked dead girl" might be okay, as I would just lie there sleeping, wondering how long they it would take the director to figure out I'm actually a dude.

Anyway back to the OP, I like films based on true stories. Some are boring, as they follow the true story so closely, or it's just a boring story to begin with. I won't be watching this one though.


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Dreamscale
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:19pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry T! Stevie made me do it!

But I do think you could play the other role quite well, couldn't you?
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stevie
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:39pm Report to Moderator
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Jeff, Tommy is from Tasmania, a part of Australia much maligned by the mainland folk. A popular joke is that Tassie people are inbred and have a second head removed at birth. But some get through the sorting process.

Our mate tommy could actually play BOTH these parts at once...



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Tommyp
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
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Oh the other role was made for me mate. The only downside for me is I would have to get my hand out of my pants for five minutes while they filmed the scene. Or maybe the hands down the pants would fit the character? Yep, as I said, made for me


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stevie
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
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mybe you could combine the two parts and be a horny dead girl.



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Dreamscale
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:48pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, as I told Tommy awhile back...a great Tas flick...Dying Breed.  About inbred cannibals in Tas.

Maybe he could play both roles after all?
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stevie
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:57pm Report to Moderator
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...and all the hillbilly roles in Sniper's 'Deliverance'. It would be cheaper to film in Tassie too.



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Dreamscale
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 11:16pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, Tommy could play dual roles in Rob's Deliverence flick!  Just put some wigs on him, and he could easily play Serena and Betty.  If they miniturized him, he could even play the baby in Laura's arms.  Put a big belly on him and age him a bit, and he'd be great for Leigh also.

Tommy, we're looking out for ya, mate!  You're acting career may have just begun!!!!

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Dreamscale  -  June 23rd, 2009, 11:24am
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Tommyp
Posted: June 17th, 2009, 2:17am Report to Moderator
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I leave you two alone for 3 minutes, and this is what happens. Go to your rooms, both of you. And Jeff, leave that vodka bottle here!!!

Unbelievable...


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Dreamscale
Posted: June 23rd, 2009, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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I just watched Carver last night on a movie channel, and I've got to say it was absolutely horrible!  Horrible in literally every single way possible!  Zack, I honestly don't know what you were thinking when you recommended this movie and raved about how good it was.

Talk about low budget crap, this is it.  Really, not a single redeeming factor on display here.  Production was pure garbage.  Lighting was God awful.  Sound and soundtrack were just terrible.  Story was for the most part non existant.  Acting was shit.  FX were decent, but far from good, and most of the gore was OS.

SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS

Not that I really need to write SPOILERS, cause 4 minutes after the credits have stopped rolling, there aren't any surprises or twists, other than the complete ineptitude of this total crock.

Every single plot point was ludicrous.  Every single character action and reaction was ludicrous.  Nothing made any sense whatsoever.  There is no story here at all.  There is no reason to make or see this movie at all.

PURE AND COMPLETE RUBBISH!!!!!
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