OH...


MY...


GOD!!!

As a fan of so bad they're good movies, I've seen more than my share of crap, but this steaming heap may just rise to the surface, and come in somewhere in the worst 10 movies of all time - and, sorry to say, not in the so bad it's good way, but so bad, it's fucking terrible way.

I mean, this is just downright shocking how bad this is in every way imaginable.  I watched wide eyed in disbelief, waiting for something to happen...waiting for some thread of a story, some semblance of film making.  No go, however.  No how, no way.

The film "stars" Lindsay Pulsipher of True Blood.  She wears a blood mask most of the film and it's comical how it completely changes from shot to shot, scene to scene.

My favorite character has to be the guy dressed up in a full body suit (the entire movie) of green fur with big white frog-like eyes.  The fact that one of the eyes seems to be in need of re-gluing, makes it even more ridiculous.  This character comes and goes throughout the movie, but has one really great scene, in which he or it masturbates inside his suit while pressed up against a motel window, watching our heroine sit and stand inside.  Pure classic.

Oh yeah, BTW, somehow, this thing played at Sundance earlier a few months ago, and word has it that more than half the audience got up and left the screening.

I dare each and every one of you to attempt sitting through this in its entirety.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2137031936/tt1686327

That tells it all.

There it is!  Nice photo!

My God! What the hell is going on in that photo? What is that green thing supposed to be? That's one of the worst costumes I've ever seen!

I have to see this.

come on that is one of the funnest photos i have ever seen

i could have sworn that was at a kids party my daughter went to recently - she loved it.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer come on that is one of the funnest photos i have ever seen i could have sworn that was at a kids party my daughter went to recently - she loved it.

Reminded me of a cheap slimer costume.

In all honesty, I have no idea what that thing was supposed to be.  It's not like it's an evil monster or anything. It hangs out with the unnamed lead Protag throughout the movie - even rides in the back of a pickup truck with her.

There's another weirdo who pisses for like 3 minutes straight, about 5 different colors, then falls down face first in his own piss, apparently dead.  After awhile, he gets back up, and says, "I'm alright now...too much breakfast, maybe."

Many call this a Lynchian horror thriller.  All I know is that it's definitely a horror to watch and it will make you feel horrible.

I couldn't get a handle on it...

And the aural sneak attacks got on my nerves real fast.
I felt like the film was daring me to put up with its crap.

Tuned out on this one about 20 minutes in.

E.D.

"Women In Cages"

that is all.

Quoted from Penoyer79 "Women In Cages" that is all.

And...

The Big Bird Cage - AWESOME!!!!

Damn. Why don't we get these solid gold hits on Netflix Canada?

Oh well.

Quoted from Dreamscale And... The Big Bird Cage - AWESOME!!!!

Do you mean Big Bird...like, from Sesame Street? If so, this movie is getting better! Like, I have to see this just because...well it's gonna be a laugh.

No, Big Bird Cage is classic 70's Filipino exploitation awesomeness with Pam Grier and Sid Haig.

Once you see these lost gems, you get a real understanding of Mr. QT and what he's all about.

im gonna watch Birdcage tonight... #bonertime

Quoted from Roadrage Dude http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2137031936/tt1686327

Sweet!  Gumby is so underrated.  It's about time he makes a comeback.

everytime i see that picture i think.... donnie darko....

everyone loves that movie, but i thought it was prententious fluff.

Quoted from Dreamscale I dare each and every one of you to attempt sitting through this in its entirety.

I tried...really I did. I lasted 16 minutes before calling it quits. I thought this would be funny because it was that bad but it was just horrible and I couldn't continue.

Quoted from CoopBazinga I tried...really I did. I lasted 16 minutes before calling it quits. I thought this would be funny because it was that bad but it was just horrible and I couldn't continue.

I hear you.  I kept thinking, something has to happen...but it didn't.  It actually got much worse.  I have to be honest and admit I did fall asleep twice near the end and had to play the fucker back in case I missed something important.  Obviously, I didn't, and had to sit through an additional 15 minutes of the crapfest.

Did you at least see the giant green suited monster dude/thing?

Quoted from Dreamscale Did you at least see the giant green suited monster dude/thing?

Yeah, fast forwarded it to parts. The green suited guy who was named "blond stranger" in the credits just kept appearing out of nowhere. I mean, I did laugh at the scene in the picture where he appears to be masturbating and when she drew back the shower curtain for him just to be standing there getting soaked but... yeah. Rubbish!

There wasn't even any nudity in this to save the day. I really don't know how this got made?

I didn't even make it twelve minutes. Thought this would be fun to watch with my St. Patty's day, early-morning beer buzz before heading off for some corned-beef.

Wow, everything about this is wrong. Even in the first twelve, the blood makeup on her giant forehead changes drastically throughout the scenes.

Plus, she hit a guy and a kid, apparently loaded with Bob Evans tiny table cloths, with an old iron beast of a car. Pretty sure that car would still have been driveable after.

The old lady in red with the shit-eating grin was what did it for me. Maybe if some of my beer-hammering buddies were here to watch it with me, i would've made it further.

Since we're all Irish in C-town this particular day, I shall have to go find them at the pub.

Cheers...

James

Thanks for mentioning this one, Jeff.  Had never heard of it.  

Some spoilers within --

Well, props to these people for full commitment to some sort of vision.  I guess I'd have to call this one ambitious, if nothing else, in that it (I think) remains true to itself despite the obvious limitations of budget.  You are very likely to end a viewing of this film with a strong feeling of irritation (which will have been present throughout your time watching).

Often downright laughable, occasionally off-putting, sometimes very boring.  Still, I wouldn't personally call this terrible filmmaking.  There is at least clarity and consistency of style, and the sense that something unique is being attempted.  The attempt at creation of and emphasis on a unique soundscape, although unsuccessful, is appreciated.

Hard not to laugh every time the green monster's featured.  The literal green monster is a symbol of jealousy.  Ho ho ho.  Or maybe it isn't.  The film never answers any questions, which I suppose is fine, if frustrating.  When Lynch doesn't answer questions, we tend to let him get away with it because his movies are awesome to watch.  The Oregonian is a downright pain to watch.

Too bad they couldn't find a better old woman to play that old woman.  Neither she nor the other four black-puke-women have a particularly cinematic appearance.  Can't blame James for cutting out at the old woman's first appearance -- that smile is probably one of the most irritating things I've ever experienced.

Plot as I saw it: Woman awakes in limbo of a sort after dying in a car crash, has a generally metaphysical sorta experience in which she confronts and comes to understand some of her inner demons, fails to find redemption, goes to Hell.

Uhm...I dunno.  Kinda sucked but at least was an unabashed attempt at something new and different.  Severely hampered by minimal budget.  Wouldn't put it past the director to make something awesome ten years down the road.

For a much better film which in some ways explores similar techniques, check out I Can See You.  Great no-budget filmmaking, with a Lynchian feel as well, and a better (if equally frustrating) payoff.  

ZERO DAY - found footage style Indy film about two high school misfits planning and executing a Columbine style massacre. scary as hell.

Holy Ch**T! Someone stab that old, smiling woman on the road with a pencil or something... make something happen!

This is just so bad. I mean if you're gonna make a movie with minimalist dialogue, you best make sure the scenes are visually stunning... but the green mascot won't cut it... Jeez...