You guys know I don't throw out the praise for movies very often, but I'm surprisingly going to do it here on this low budget B Movie which has it's tongue firmly planted in its cheek.

This will not appeal to mainstream film goers.  It probably won't appeal to females, unless you...uh...like females.

The 3 female leads are drop dead gorgeous, which is never a bad thing.  They are incredibly scantily clad the entire movie, which also isn't a bad thing.  And, they kick ass, shoot big guns, work as strippers, and all like a little girl on girl action whenever they can get it.

Our "stars" here are Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, and my favorite of favorite female "stars", America Olivo.  The bad news?  None get nekkid...but that's actually OK.

For a low budget exploitation flick, it looks incredibly good.  I mean, seriously, this thing looks like it cost more than a few Million bucks, but I highly doubt it actually did.  There are numerous big set piece scenes that were obviously shot against a green screen, but the look is still good and it really almost comes off like it's supposed to look this way - kind of graphic novel/comic book vibe.  The action, violence, and gore are also in this vein, but again, well done and way over the top.

The fight scenes are the highlight here, unless you want to say just watching these babes is the highlight, which it easily could be.  The fight choreography (as well as the stunt double work) is done by Zoe Bell, best known for her work on Tarantino's Grindhouse.  It's truly awesome here and alot of fun.  These chicks, especially Olivo's "Camero" just love to throw down and beat the shit out of anyone nearby.

The film's structure is kind of cool, in that it's put together with lots and lots of flashbacks all labeled as to how long ago it took place.  It dos get a little old at times, and many will probably say it's irritating, but, for me, it worked quite well and kept a very small "plot" fresh and going forward.

Now, I've got to be honest here.  The film falls on its own ass in the last 10 minutes and I really wish the final 2 flashbacks had been shitcanned, cuz it takes cheese to a whole new smell.  First of all, both of these 2 big set piece scenes don't look nearly as good as anything else in the picture and they're just so over the top goofy, it really detracts from the prior 100 minutes.

The dialogue is also so over the top, tongue in cheek, you'll either love it, hate it, or just laugh your ass off - I did all 3, BTW.  For what it's meant to be, I found it very effective, actually.

Julia Voth is just stunningly beautiful.  America Olivo is what i envision the perfect girl to look like.  They run around in very, very sexy outfits, kick ass, curse like sailors, and love a little tongue play with each other.  What more could one look for in a film?

If you're a guy or girl who likes girls, you can do much worse with 109 minutes of your time.  Check it out and fall in love with these two.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear A late night whack-off film for lonely guys.

Well, I did not whack off to it and I watched it Saturday afternoon, as I wasn't feeling too good.

I am a lonely guy though.

I didn't see anything that looked cheap (other than the last 10 minutes) in it and trust me, I see alot of cheapass films on Cinemax and Showtime.

Maybe Julia and America wove their spells over me and I was helpless...

Quoted from Grandma Bear A late night whack-off film for lonely guys.

I totally am THAT guy. Yet, I still couldn't sit through ten minutes of this crap. It literally took five minutes for three pairs of tits to exit that car in the opening... And then they spoke.

Jeff, I'm worried about you bro.

James

I'm gonna have to check it out during my writing intermission today. All this talk. I'm pretty open ....but if I fall asleep during the first 10...bad sign....

Afraid I'm with the mob on this one.
Ten minutes in I knew I was dealing with grade Z schlock.
I'm so tired of these cheapo CG fests. CG blood and muzzle flashes drive me nuts.
Especially when an actor barely bothers to act out the recoil.
This makes Machete look like a masterpiece.
A shame. I wanted to like this film.

E.D.

I watched the first 15. I'll give you this, Jeff: the girls are hot, and if you're in the right mood, you can find amusement in the dialogue. It's meant to be over the top, and I think the writer has some talent.

Question: when the girl crushes the guy's hand in the truck, and then walks away, why does he leave his hand in the trunk? Only to have the other girl sit on it? Doesn't matter, it was just a curious thing.

You guys are killing me!  Seriously...frickin' hilarious!

Hey, listen, guys and gals.  If you gave up after only 10 or 15 minutes, you gave up too early.  But then again, if you literally hated the first 10 or 15, what can I say?

Here's the funny thing...I've got 135 flicks in my Netflix que and about 30 on my Direct TV DVR.  I've been sick since Thursday night, so not much to do for this lonely old perv over the weekend.  I watched a few minutes of this piece of shit and a few minutes of that pile of dung, quickly deleting them and moving forward.

When I got to this one, I was impressed and quickly realized that in no way was it to be taken remotely seriously.  The girls put me under a spell with their eyes...OK...and their breasts (I don't remember the slo-mo of their feet, Pia, but maybe their feet did something for me as well   ).

As DTV's go, this is a number of steps ahead of the pack in every way, including the writing and acting.  There's creativity here.  There's imagination here.  There are babes here that should visit me in Cave Creek, AZ.  In fact, I think America Olivo should immediately divorce her actor husband, Christian Campbell (Neve Campbell's bro), and move in with me.  Yeah, I'm a little older than she is and in alot worse shape, but I've got 2 really cute cats that may impress her.  You never know...or do we?  OK, maybe we do know in this case.

Anyways, I tried to watch several more DTV's on Netflix last night and was amazed how terrible they were, and thought back to this one that everyone is trashing...and actually trashing it for all the wrong reasons.

For instance, I started watching Love Her Madly from 2000, which is written and directed by Ray Manzarek, based on a story by Jim Morrison.  Hopefully, peeps know who these dudes are.  This thing is a steaming pile of some of the stinkiest shit I've ever seen.  It "looks" awful.  The acting is abysmal.  It opens with a completely unnecessary nude shower scene.  And you know what?  The IMDB rating is higher than Bitch Slap!  WTF?

Maybe it's me.  Maybe I don't get it.  But you know what?  If that's the case, I don't want to get it.

Quoted from Grandma Bear The feet is an obvious QT wanna be thing. He has feet in every single film of his.

Are you referring to the split screen shots of someone getting out of a car or the like?  Showing their boots or whatever they're wearing over their feet?

I thought you were talking about slo-mo's of their bare feet.     HaHa.  Funny.  OK, at least I now know something - it wasn't the shots of their feet that cast a spell over me.

At about the 3/4 mark, there's a 5 minute slo-mo scene in which the 3 talented actresses douse themselves in an endless supply of water, because they're hot...as in hot from being in the desert heat all this time.

I'm sure you'd all love this very necessary plot scene.  

YOu guys are spoiling it for me....

All I can think of is girls, foot fetish and jeff's empty bottle of jager next to him on the couch while he drools over this movie!!!!!

Quoted from Pale Yellow All I can think of is girls, foot fetish and jeff's empty bottle of jager next to him on the couch while he drools over this movie!!!!!

You'll love it Dena!

No foot fetish here, and since it was Saturday afternoon and I wasn't feeling well, no Jager was being consumed.  And, BTW, my bottle of Jagie is still not empty, and it's been going strong since 8/3.

But, I may well have been drooling...  

Watching it now......I think I need that Jagie!

Had a look at the trailer . . . oh dear! This might be worth a look for a laugh. I dunno about the drop dead gorgeous. I'm not saying they're ugly by any means, but one of them just looks a little androgyous and the slutty look is just a turn off. Fake tits just don't do for me either, I prefer my silicone in the form of a computer . . .

Quoted from Pale Yellow Watching it now......I think I need that Jagie!

You're gonna love that water scene!

Pay close attention to the foot shots - they're very well done!

OMG laughin my ass off ....at the water scene now...where oh it's so hot and then there are coolers and buckets of water...."you might wanna cover up" Oh lord..this is classic crap Jeff sorry...

Those aren't even real girls are they? Surely they are computer generated! LOL I couldn't find one real part on them...not even their feet!!!!! LOL

Still watchin though....lol Afternoon of rest! and Laughs.

They're real alright!

That water scene is so important to the plot, isn't it?

LOL I watched most of it. Needless to say...I laughed quite a bit at how over done the shoveling of dirt was ...and never to move hardly any dirt at all...and then that water scene OMG. Definitely a guy's kinda movie I guess...if I was drunk or stoned I could've gotten more out of it!

The slow-mos and stuff..I can only imagine the director directing that. I'd love to have been on that set. He must have been a trip.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I don't want to watch your skills with computer software. I want to see a good story acted out well with editing and CGI that you don't notice.

Pia, this is exactly the problem many have with watching and reviewing movies...and even scripts.  They don't understand what exactly they're watching and/or who the intended audience is.

Everything on display here is completely intentional.  It's like a parody of the exploitation flicks of the 70's,  It's a nod to the grindhouse days of cinema.  It's not for everyone and it's not intended to be.

There is talent on display here and I'm not just talking about the flesh on display.  Compare this to any other flick of its kind and budget and I think you'll see what I'm saying.

There's alot of wink wink going on here and if you're not in the know of what being winked at, it won't register with you.  I'm completely comfortable saying this, too.

You are not the intended audience here.  You want story?  Go watch some snoozefest like The King's Speech or other similar garbage that critics and wannabe critics whack their meat to.

Entertainment comes in all shapes and sizes and when you try to shoehorn what it is into something so strict as "story" and "plot" and the like, well...good luck with that.

Bush, out.

Yeah...I was like ....overdone on the slo-mos...and the shoveling...I fell asleep but did that girl every dig a hole? LOL She'd just shuffle sand around. And swing her hips. Crazy!

Still don't know what all the foot hype was though...was he talking about the boots and shoes getting out of the car at the beginning?? Or did I fall asleep before the foot action started??? LMAO

Quoted from Grandma Bear Me too, because you missed my point, but go on and watch your stellar movies. Maybe I will watch The King's Speach...I hear it's pretty good.

Bush back in.

Maybe you missed my point as well.

We're not talking about "stellar" movies here.  That should be 100% obvious.  That's my point in a nutshell.

"We" need to understand what it is we're watching or reading and review it for exactly what it's intended to be.  That rarely happens...and that's the point...and the problem.

People somehow say that "great" movies like Jurassic Park or it's 2 sequels "suck" because of this and that, and IMO, they're fucking lunatics, because they're completely clueless to what they just watched.

Same can be said of movies like The King's Speech (2 e's, BTW   ) or Clooney's latest critical successes.  I see these things and I'm asleep before all this "great, deep dialogue" takes place.

They're not aimed at me, just like the critics and wannabe critics shouldn't be bitching about the character arcs or the like in The Lost World.  It's a fucking kickass dinosaur movie and that's what it's all about.

You don't like the "story" or cannon fodder characters in a Friday the 13th movie?  Don't fucking watch it, as you're bound to come away underwhelmed to say the least.

I'm just continually amazed at the tudes and lack of understanding from peeps who I know are movie peeps and smart, to boot.  Just don't get it.

Watch what you like and enjoy it for exactly what it brings to the table...or don't watch it.

Bush out again (but may be back again, as well   ).

Jeff,

Maybe it was just me but everyone involved in The Lost World, especially Koepp, seemed extremely bored...

Quoted from Mr. Blonde Maybe it was just me but everyone involved in The Lost World, especially Koepp, seemed extremely bored...

Blondie, remember, it was based on a best selling sequel novel...and it kicked ass in terms of BO.

It was exactly what it wanted to be, and that's the point I'm still trying to drive home.

I understand but what I mean is, you could tell they sort of cared on JP. With TLW, it seemed like they didn't. Granted Koepp has never done a movie I enjoyed with Spielberg. Go figure.

OK, Bear, what is it that you strive to write?  No budget BS that no one will see or care about?  I'm not sure I completely follow.

Alot of the the pieces of garbage that I praise would/will never get produced on spec.  They're written and directed by one and the same and somehow, they get financing.  And somehow, they strive to be much more than the dreck we usually are spoon fed.

You didn't even watch the movie we're discussing.  You're nowhere near the target audience.  Don't you understand this?  Seriously?  For reals?

C'mon now...

How are you enjoying The King's Speech, BTW?  Thrilling, huh?  Moving, ain't it?  Not for this kid.  But, if you or everyone else love it, that's great.

The King's Speech is brilliant, and not at all boring. I don't say that because of what critics say. I've never read a review. It's simply brilliant. It's the kind of movie I've gone back to and watched over and over whenever I find it channel surfing. I can't sit through most of these Netflix films. But films like King's Speech, where you can appreciate how intricate everything works together, that's film at its finest. And I'm not a movie guy.

I turned King Speech off the first 15 minutes .... it made me think too much You have to admit....it moved slow slow at first?

Pia, again, "crap like Bitch Slap? will never, ever be written and produced on spec.  It doesn't transfer from words to film the way it actually does...and did.

Once again, you are missing my points and not responding to anything I say, other than by putting me down for what I freely admit to enjoying, knowing damn well that the masses will attack and shoot me down.

I'm no lamb and I'll never follow that fucking path of least resistance.  You want to follow along, be my guest.  You want to go with the masses, you go, Bear.

The King's Speech was solid but there was no way it was better than The Social Network, in most categories. I will say that Geoffrey Rush was good and Colin Firth was Colin Firth.

Sorry for off-topicing this even further but I had to say it.

Seems to me B***slap is the path of least resistance.

Quoted from leitskev Seems to me B***slap is the path of least resistance.

ah contrare, mon frere (sorry about the spelling there).

It was/is very controversial as is made obvious right here in SS Land.  Read some reviews and feedback.  You'll see both sides very adamant about their feelings.

Quoted from Dreamscale You'll see both sides very adamant about their feelings.

Everyone seems to agree the movie is a piece of shit. The division is whether or not it's a tolerable piece of shit. Pretty close?

Quoted from Mr. Blonde Everyone seems to agree the movie is a piece of shit. The division is whether or not it's a tolerable piece of shit. Pretty close?

Everyone?  Where...on SS?  2 peeps watched it.  Everyone else chimed in after 10 minutes.  How many of these peeps who did chime in are fans of this genre?

Did you see it?  If so, please, do tell your thoughts. If you didn't why are you posting here?  Seriously, Blonde...what gives?

Mr Blonde hit the nail. And I've been following the thread. I posted earlier. I watched the first 15 min. It's junk, but that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed by some. There is an over the top cleverness to some of the dialogue. It's meant to be over the top, I understand that. That doesn't excuse the cheese. But I'm not knocking anyone who digs it.

So, everyone who likes something that other people happen to like as well is a lamb following the masses? And you, who don't, is a visionary?

Jeff,c'mon.

Btw, I can't say I liked it, but I did stayed tuned throughout Pink Flamingo....  

Signing out...I hate bickering.

Gnite World.

Quoted from Grandma Bear So, everyone who likes something that other people happen to like as well is a lamb following the masses? And you, who don't, is a visionary?

No, I'm no visionary, but I've seen many lambs lead to the slaughter and I've always gone down swinging, and usually have gotten out alive.

If you honestly don't understand what I'm saying, I guess it's a mute point, Pia.  I consider you my friend and hopefully, you feel the same way.  That doesn't mean we can't disagree, but it seems like you literally don't hear what I'm saying.

Quoted from Dreamscale Did you see it?  If so, please, do tell your thoughts. If you didn't why are you posting here?  Seriously, Blonde...what gives?

I'm not I terested in the style but I'd like to see it just to have an actual opinion. But you will notice that I've only commented on my opinions of what I know and what I've read in here; Koepp, Jurassic Park, The King's Speech, etc. Sorry for intruding but on the near-impossible chance I see it,  I will let you know.

Quoted from Dreamscale If you honestly don't understand what I'm saying, I guess it's a mute point, Pia.  I consider you my friend and hopefully, you feel the same way.  That doesn't mean we can't disagree, but it seems like you literally don't hear what I'm saying.

And you don't hear me. No biggie, Jeff. Don't get worked up about it. We just disagree on something is all.

If you thought this was an argument, you were wrong, I would have driven out to AZ and kicked your ass and waterboarded you in your jacuzzi!!!!!

What on earth is going on here?

It looks kind of like an argument -- but I guess not really -- but still kind of odd.

Jeff likes what he likes, no question about that.

I think where things sometimes take kind of weird tangents is when Jeff dismisses anything that he does not like as utter cr*p.

Using your argument, Jeff, "King's Speech" (for example) was not aimed at you.

But it was a fantastic movie for those who DO like it, and questioning their taste is off base.

Do you see the double-standard?

Calling people "sheep" who prefer K.S. to B****-slap is just kooky talk. (Or maybe Jager-talk   )

No, Bert, I'm not dismissing anyone who likes or loves King's Speech or any of these kinds of critical darlings of the film industry.  Not at all.

Point is this...the majority of films are not meant to be anything more than they literally are and peeps continually don't understand this and knock them down for that very same quality they hold dear.

New example that may or may not make sense - Rob Zombie.

Rob made House of 1,000 Corpses and had nothing but trouble getting it with a distributor.  After literally years, finally, it was released - to a cacophony of critical drubbings and very weak BO results.

What happened next?  Well, somehow (because it actually was a kickass movie, although heavily flawed because of lack of budget and support), a sequel was greenlit, and an actual budget was put together, and low and behold, The Devil's Rejects was made and released...to critical praise,  BO success, and cult status.

What happened next?  Well, the reigns of a sacred horror franchise were handed over...to much criticism.

What does this mean?  Hey, it means that when you take a chance and deliver something way outside the box, you get noticed.  And like it or hate it, when there's talent involved you can go places.

Mark my words - we'll be seeing alot more from these guys in the near future, cuz there's talent and imagination on display and it takes big fucking balls to make something like this...and deliver a a great flick that knows exactly what it is/    

Quoted from Dreamscale No, Bert, I'm not dismissing anyone who likes or loves King's Speech or any of these kinds of critical darlings of the film industry.  Not at all.

Quoted from Also Dreamscale Go watch some snoozefest like The King's Speech or other similar garbage that critics and wannabe critics whack their meat to.

Couldn't resist that one -- but I do get what you are saying in general, though.

I have watched and enjoyed dozens of films like B****-slap.  I will watch this one, too, but am in no rush to do so.

I also dug King's Speech -- but I was in no rush to watch that one either (looked dull, but liked it once I saw it).

You are really putting yourself out there on a limb for this movie.  I think that is what the Bear was getting at.  

If it totally sucks I will have no choice but to disembowel your next script simply out of spite.

Quoted from bert If it totally sucks I will have no choice but to disembowel your next script simply out of spite.

Understood and agreed.

But I have to say again that the issue here is that most if not all do not understand exactly what this movie is or is supposed to be...and that is the problem I can't...or am having trouble...getting over.

No one involved with this production had any grand designs that they were making anything other than what they set out to make.  They delivered on that...in spades, actually, and for that, I have to support this with all the gusto or Jager I have to offer.

No offense meant against anyone here, especially the Angry Bear.  Hope you all realize that.

Peace out...