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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Reviews    Movie, Television and DVD Reviews  ›  Battleship - 2012 Moderators: Nixon
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  Author    Battleship - 2012  (currently 1333 views)
Dreamscale
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
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Surprised no one put a review up on this one.  I noticed that many included it in their worst films of the year category...meaning, hopefully, they actually did see it.

I went in with very low expectations, based on terrible reviews, as well as word of mouth.  I actually did want to see it when it came out last Summer, but didn't make it...what can I say?  I like dumb alien invasion movies...sometimes.

So, we've got a huge $210 Million budget, based (somehow) on an old 60's Hasbro board game.  Throw in Taylor Kitsch as the lead, and add Liam Neeson and what do we get here?  Well, box office-wise, we get a sunken ship, at least here in the states, but WW, at least it turned what looks like a profit, but in all reality, this was a big flop.

So, I settled in and tried to keep an open mind.  After the ludicrous  and painfully long intro at the bar, my eyes were wide, as I really couldn't believe how bad and cheesy things were going.  When w find out that a few years later Alex Hopper (Kitsch) is now a Lieutenant in the Navy, and then chick he was hitting on, Sam, (a very HOT Brooklyn Decker) is his not only his girlfriend, but also Admiral Shane's (Liam Neeson) daughter, I almost shut the TV down.

But, I stayed with it, and waited and waited until the aliens arrived.  And when they dd, I have to freely admit, I was entertained throughout the rest of the movie.  I thought the FX were well done for the most part and what little story there was, was enough to keep me watching.

Obviously not a well written script from brothers, Jon and Erich Hoeber, but keep in mind that they also wrote one of the worst movies of recent memory, Whiteout.  For me, there was enough mayhem going on to keep me relatively pleased (the vodka I was downing surely must have helped).

The dialogue is quite poor, bordering on terrible much of the time.  Taylor Kitsch is a crappy actor, as far as I'm concerned.   I didn't buy much of anything he said or did, but I have to blame the brothers Hoeber as well for writing cartoon characters across the board.

But, for me, it wasn't a terrible experience and the aliens had a cool, sinister look to them and the movie wisely blew up and destroyed alot of acreage and ships.

I've seen much, much worse.
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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Jeff,

I agree with you on some of this (the parts you didn't like), but disagree with other parts.

Aliens landing on earth and based on a board game,  suspend belief - check.
Fully expect, based on above, there will be mostly bad acting and cheesy dialogue - check.
Unrealistic elements based on above - check.
Unbelievable and improbable military reaction/protocols - check - but this is where I didn't like it ... at all.

Aliens just splashed down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  Three battleships converge.  Then, they send only a three-person team on an inflatable raft to "investigate?"  No planes, satellite, recon, other ships,  staying further away until confirmation of what it is, etc.?  The entire military aspect of this just had my eyeballs rolling in the back of my head.  I just really didn't get into it much because of this.

Yeah, I liked the aliens themselves, but even they did some stupid things.  Maybe I was just in a bad mood that day because I don't even think I stayed with it the whole time.  I too, was looking forward to seeing it, but glad I waited until it came out on TV!


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 5:50pm Report to Moderator
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Agree 100% about the military aspects here.  Absolutely ridiculous in every way possibly imaginable!!!
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Heretic
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 5:55pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, I watched this one the other day, too. As far as utterly lifeless, over-produced, committee-written, viciously normative, market-driven two-hour ads for the U.S. military go...

...meh, could be worse. It's no Top Gun, but somehow, it's almost less boring than the Transformers sequels. Can't tell if Rihanna's jive-talkin' black woman was a less or more grating stereotype than the cutesy white leading couple. One thing about us dark-skinned folk...we might not be worth giving real characters to, but if you need someone to yell "Mahalo motherfucker," we'll be there in a second!

The attempt at hard-rockin' patriotism was as pathetically lifeless as everything else. Navy vets and AC/DC, great. If you're gonna go for that, just go for it. Wrap Kitsch's dick in the American flag and have him cock-slap the FIRE button while yelling "Welcome to America!!!" or something.

But yeah, it might be bilge, but it's not nearly as boring as lots of other flicks. And Rihanna's a god-damned embarrassment, but she was already.
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 6:01pm Report to Moderator
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Chris, thank you...I forgot about Rihanna.  Pathetic!  I was laughing my ass off every time she was onscreen...and for some reason, she seemed to be very knowledgeable in many military aspects.  Hilarious!!!!

Also, the score was quite humorous, and most likely very expensive.

It's obvious to me that they tried to make this a big, fun, dumb Summer Tentpole feature, but they did not succeed.
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mcornetto
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 6:29pm Report to Moderator
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For what it was meant to be, a fun, non-thought provoking, action movie based on a plot-less board game, I think the did better than expected with this move.  

Yes, there were stereotypes but the new ground they were breaking wasn't in screenwriting or filmmaking, it was in marketing.  And I think they accomplished that.

  
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 6:52pm Report to Moderator
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Well, since Clue was made into a move and Rock'em Sock'em Robots (Real Steele), I guess this fit right in.  I didn't expect Oscar quality, but like I said, I was probably just not in the mood for it.

Is Monopoly, next?  How about Chutes and Ladders?  Jengo (not Unchained)?  Uno?  LIfe?


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
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I know... Scrabble!

Logline:
Animated, Family Drama.  
The Letter Q and his cat, Qat, desperately search for his buddy the Letter U before the rest of the game pieces get mad because he is slowing the game down.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Jeremiah Johnson
Well, since Clue was made into a move and Rock'em Sock'em Robots (Real Steele), I guess this fit right in.  


Reel Steel was not based on the toy Rock'em Sock'em Robots, but rather a short story from Richard Matheson from the 1950s, 'Steel' which was previously adapted for a classic Twilight Zone episode.

Furthermore, Real Steel had a story and characters worth caring about.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
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bert
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Jeremiah Johnson
Is Monopoly, next?  How about Chutes and Ladders?  Jengo (not Unchained)?  Uno?  LIfe?


Nope.  This one.



Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Ryan1
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 8:59pm Report to Moderator
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This flick was garbage, period.  Kinda like Michael Bay-lite, if that's possible.  From the opening scene with the frozen burrito caper to the near inexplicable following scene with the soccer game against the Japanese Navy (wtf?), I was kinda speechless at how incompetent every frame of this dung heap was.  The only entertainment value came from Neeson attempting an American accent.  Funny stuff.  

Congrats to Rihanna on her Razzie win as worst actress of the year.  Well deserved.
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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Yep...everything you said is definitely correct, Ryan.  I cringed through all of that as ell and almost gave up.

What followed wasn't great by any means, but it wasn't steaming dung IMO.

Horrible first 20 minutes for sure!!!
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CoopBazinga
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 9:31pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Surprised no one put a review up on this one.  I noticed that many included it in their worst films of the year category...meaning, hopefully, they actually did see it.


Oh, I saw it and remember writing a lengthy review stating how much I hated every single moment of it but against my better judgement, decided not to post it.

I was hoping to never hear about this movie again but then I saw this thread so decided to take peek - was really hoping to be cheered up by one of Jeff's blistering attacks on this pile of rubbish.

I actually think you took it easy on this one, Jeff. It wasn't my worst of the year (that award goes to Storage 24) but it was damn close. I literally hated everything about it right down to the fact that these aliens were pretty mellow and they only attacked in self-defense. Put this case into the hands of the galactic judge and it's the human race who are going down.

Now it's been a while since I saw this one but what were the aliens trying to do again? I don't think the audience or navy actually found out - it was like the some big official had seen Independence Day the night before and decided that they must be up to something shady so blow them up!

Wait a minute! There technology far surpasses our own, what should we do? Send in another ship! No that didn't work either. Well, what we got left? Liam Neeson or the USS Missouri but Casey Ryback isn't on board. Let's just wing it, we'll be fine.

I think one of the main problems (There is lots) was that opening - I never recovered from that Pink Panther track.

And the character development here was just awesome - this is how to set up your protag without the Rocky montage music.

The lead character (Kitsch) is basically some drop out loser who robs a convenience store to get this hot girls attention and I think he gets caught by the cops?

His brother tells him enough is enough and he's joining the navy. Suddenly, in what seems like no time at all, he's become a lieutenant with big responsibilities on a naval vessel with a few hundred men and women beneath him. And better yet, the hot girl who he stole a twinkie for is now going out with him. Just superb!

I could go on. Basically what I'm saying is that you should give this one a miss.
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 25th, 2013, 10:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley


Reel Steel was not based on the toy Rock'em Sock'em Robots, but rather a short story from Richard Matheson from the 1950s, 'Steel' which was previously adapted for a classic Twilight Zone episode.

Furthermore, Real Steel had a story and characters worth caring about.


Darren,
Completely agree with Real Steel.  I actually liked it.  I know it wasn't really Rock'em Sock'em adaptation.  It was my attempt at humor.  This, again, is why I don't write comedy!  The rest of my rant, I'll leave as is.  


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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