I found this script on the Nicholl website. Thought I'd see what made a fellowship winner. And it's hard to deny it's brilliance.

I then tracked down the film and it was great. Sad, heartwarming, and everything inbetween.

Worth checking out both if you haven't read/seen it.

I think it's from 2012, has Bree Larson and Rami Malek.

Yeah, solid piece of work, hell of a feature debut. The octopus anecdote is the heart of the film. It helped elevate Brie Larson to A-list status. It also features a young LaKeith Stanfield if I remember right. I'm curious to see the short on which its based.

I haven't seen Cretton's follow up though, an adaptation of The Glass Castle, heard mixed things. It sounded very Captain Fantastic-y which turned me off.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 The octopus anecdote is the heart of the film.

One of the many parts of this script/film where I thought, damn I wish I could write like that. And one of the bigger said heartbreaking moments.

Warren, could you please send me the link to that?

My script bombed at Nichol's, I got their rejection letter not long ago. But I paid for the notes, and they promised to deliver them before September. I'll post them here.

I remember reading at the time that the director worked at such a place depicted in the film so presumably he got a lot of its material from those experiences.

I'd like to think he invented the octopus anecdote though.

Quoted from khamanna Warren, could you please send me the link to that?

Here's the script, Kham. Enjoy, it's beautiful.

https://www.oscars.org/nicholl/screenwriting-resources

Quoted from Warren Here's the script, Kham. Enjoy, it's beautiful. https://www.oscars.org/nicholl/screenwriting-resources

Thanks, will start it tonight!

Read this again today, I think it's my new favourite script. If you want to see what strong dialogue looks like on the page check it out.

So I just read this too. I got a really great sense of warmth and place with this. The reading was light and easy, and each emotion had a reason for it being there, and a cause. What a well thought out script. And, not to mention, it's a good story as well as being well told.

The only thing I can think to say is to have hope. I'm sure this script didn't look quite like this on the first draft.

Steve

I read the first page, but I couldn't go on! This is obviously written by a someone new to screenwriting! The cover page isn't even in courier font!!!! This horrible first mistake is followed by an orphan in the very first paragraph. I'm sorry, but I'll have to put this down.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I read the first page, but I couldn't go on! This is obviously written by a someone new to screenwriting! The cover page isn't even in courier font!!!! This horrible first mistake is followed by an orphan in the very first paragraph. I'm sorry, but I'll have to put this down.

Didn’t even notice the orphan. I take it back, this script is an abomination.

Just read another script on this website -- Arlington Road. I remember seeing the movie long ago, but I'd forgotten about it. The similarities I've noticed between Hold Step 12 and Arlington Road are all things I've been hearing for years, but now, for some reason, are resonating with me...

- Clarity of story, you know what's going on and why throughout the entire script.
- Pace of story - constant forward motion of every scene that pushes the story along, unrelenting in the sense that it continues to hold your interest from start to finish.
- Concise, no wasted space, not overly long. In short, there's no clunky writing that bogs the story down in any way, shape or form.

Thanks, Warren, for posting this.

Can't wait to read more of these. It's no wonder they won a fellowship.

Quoted from SAC Just read another script on this website -- Arlington Road. I remember seeing the movie long ago, but I'd forgotten about it. The similarities I've noticed between Hold Step 12 and Arlington Road are all things I've been hearing for years, but now, for some reason, are resonating with me... - Clarity of story, you know what's going on and why throughout the entire script. - Pace of story - constant forward motion of every scene that pushes the story along, unrelenting in the sense that it continues to hold your interest from start to finish. - Concise, no wasted space, not overly long. In short, there's no clunky writing that bogs the story down in any way, shape or form. Thanks, Warren, for posting this. Can't wait to read more of these. It's no wonder they won a fellowship.

I'll check out Arlington Road.

Will definitely be recommending Short Term 12 to any new screenwriters. I think it's really hard to fault.

Arlington Road was a great film.

I read 25 pages. Did not love it like others.

I must be wrong - the reviews of the film are about as good as it gets.

On the nit side, I found the Headers annoying. e.g.,

Quoted Text INT. GROUP HOME SAMMY'S ROOM -- EARLY MORNING

Weirdly wrong. Should be GROUP HOME - SAMMY'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING. The writer should could have use that unnecessary extra hyphen after room and put in where it belonged - after home. I very much prefer using time indicators other than day or night (e.g., DUSK, DAWN, MIDNIGHT, etc). But I kind of hate EARLY MORNING though since I don't have a clue what it means. Is it 1:00 AM - DAWN - 8:00 AM?  

Read on - I thought the action/descriptions a bit pedestrian and relatively inefficient.
In some areas it was sloppy - like here:

Quoted Text LUIS, 15, lies in bed with headphones on. He searches his iPod for a song, then pushes play. Classical music blares through the small speakers on his ears.

Really - it BLARES through the speakers. Wouldn't it be muffled???

To many instances to quote - but you get the point.

The dialogue was generally top-notch

The story/premise was top- notch.

So....probably going to be one of those where I love the movie, meh on the script.