I loved the writing here. I want to be able to write like this...  I think the writing itself almost trumps the story though. Cute story and an original idea.

Maybe a couple of carachters too many for a 12 pager as I had to stop and think a couple of times "who was this guy again?".

Comedy wise it was okay.

I must have believed in the love story here, because I felt aweful about Gourdy having been turned into a million pies and people were eating them. I almost felt it was cannibalistic.

My guess is that Bert wrote this. If you are not Bert, then take that as the highest compliment.

This was a well-written piece. It just wasn't that funny, well at least not to me. Everyone has a different sense of humor so don't take that last comment as a dig at your work. Like I said this was a well-written short, the descriptions flowed smoothly and the dialogue captured that redneck/ hillbilly vibe. There were some interesting characters here (you actually made me care about what happened to a vegetable, err I mean fruit). So, good job.    

Cute. I liked it.  I though you could have pushed the limits a bit farther but it works as it is.  It can, of course, be tightened and I found some of the dialogue at the begining to be a bit on the nose.  Well done though. Original.

A very cute script with a nice idea tackled nicely.  Yeah, it wasn't as funny as it could have been, but it was nicely told.  The "Edward Scissorhands" made for a nice little parallel.

One thing though, I'm 99.999999% sure Arnette is a woman's name, but Arnette never gets a pronoun and the desciption doesn't make it clear.  I have no idea who the person is nor their relationship because a 28-year-old could be sister, mother, cousin...?  Maybe I missed it.

Great job you two!

I voted this one as #1. There were a lot of good scripts, but this one took the number one spot for me.

Thanks so much, Pia!  We had a lot of fun writing it.

We're looking forward to reading Private Pleasures -- an enticing title, if ever there was one.

Aimee

I didn't get a chance to read this until now, so I already knew who wrote it and based on their other works, I knew it was going to be great...and it was.

You managed to put a lot into 12 pages.  The writing was solid, I have no complaints about any of the formatting.

It wasn't that funny, but then again, I didn't want it to be.  It was a sweet little story that managed to have 1 or 2 lol moments.  I think if you risked stretching for laughs, it could ruin the cuteness the story, so it's fine the way it is.

There's not much you should change...Except I think I would make the ending a little more clearer.  Like is he supposed to be like a reincarnation of Gourdy or does she just think he might be?  Or is he just some random guy who just happens to have a G for a middle initial?  It didn't effect the story for me but I'd like to know what he was actually supposed to be.

Great job.  I had fun reading it.

Thanks for reading it, Jesse.  As for your question, it's really more the prior than the latter.  We sort of picture Raymond as the living embodiment of Gourdy.  Truth be told, in our quest to avoid being on-the-nose, we tend to overcompensate into subtlety.  

Thanks again,

Tony