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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October '07 One Week Challenge  ›  Oh Lantern
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  Author    Oh Lantern  (currently 5091 views)
Soap Hands
Posted: October 10th, 2007, 2:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hey,

I liked this one, and god help me I found Mannie endearing. He's a creep but he's a creep I wouldn't mind knowing.

Well anyway, as you can probably deduce, I thought the Mannie character was really strong and amusing. The Goth kid was also pretty good, and I thought the interactions between the two were gold.

Can't think of anything to really complain about so thats a good sign.

Overall, fit the theme alright, well written, pretty funny. Good job.

sheepwalker

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Death Monkey
Posted: October 11th, 2007, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
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This one definitely had some humorous situations, albeit sometimes a bit too cheap for my tastes. Most of the jokes were solid, though perhaps a bit rehashed (the "how much for ten minutes" I think I've Danny DeVito say at least once).

Mannie was pretty round character and you get he's on a mission. That worked pretty well, but like others have mentioned I think you've got two plotlines in one story. You have Mannie VS the kids and Mannie tries to get a date. And the two never really come together. So the kids actually annoyed me as well.

The ending was pretty funny. The notion of getting head from a pumpkin made me chuckle.

Overall, it was hit and miss for me, with a little more hit than miss.


"The Flux capacitor. It's what makes time travel possible."

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Shelton
Posted: October 11th, 2007, 4:20pm Report to Moderator
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Somebody took a guess that I had written this, so I figured I'd pop it open and check it out.

I thought it was funny and well written, but definitely in a style much different than mine in the descriptions and parentheticals.

The story itself was well rounded, and you incorporated the theme pretty well.  I like the aspect of Mannie tricking the kids, but it could have been varied up instead of just using the seltzer bottle.  

My favorite part was the banter between Mannie and the guy in the sex shop.

Good work. I liked it.


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: October 11th, 2007, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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This scripts was done well. It covered the theme well; something I never imagined before. Diagloue was nicely done as well. No complaints from me.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 14th, 2007, 5:51pm Report to Moderator
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There have been some excellent scripts in this challenge, but this one is my personal favorite.

I don't have a lot left to read, but I don't think I'm going to change my mind.

Something that not everyone here knows is that I have an auto-immune condition similar to Lupus and I really try hard to use my mental strength to focus on my work so that it takes my mind off what I deal with on a daily basis.  In the case of "Oh Lantern" it brought true laughter and joy to my heart.

Working the craft and writing comedy is something I like to do for others because we need that in this world of ours, but I know it's not easy to do and so I really appreciate this script.

I was laughing and really seeing this.

This is such and excellent job and I'm truly impressed.

And did you intend for Manie to be built from the stereotypical "man?"

Maybe it was one of those sub conscious woo-ooo things.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Takeshi
Posted: October 21st, 2007, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the reviews, guys. I'm glad the majority of them were positive. I'll take all your feedback into consideration when I sit down to write the second draft.

I also want to thank Don and Phil for putting on the OWC. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have written this script.

  
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anti
Posted: October 30th, 2007, 9:40pm Report to Moderator
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Oh, I was laughing through the whole script.  Very clever and funny.  The descriptions were well written.  Good job.


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Takeshi
Posted: November 1st, 2007, 5:51pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the feedback, Anti. I'm glad you liked it.
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