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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October '07 One Week Challenge  ›  A Slice of Pumpkin Life
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  Author    A Slice of Pumpkin Life  (currently 3847 views)
Shelton
Posted: October 17th, 2007, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sandra Elstree.

One important thing, is: Don't give camera directions.  It's not the writer's job.  It's the director's job.

So how do you show that you want to film John's clenched fist?  Don't write camera zooms in on... Just write John's fist flashes.  John's hand tightens into a fist.  Or... something much better.


Hey Sandra,

In a mockumentary such as this, it's acceptable to give some camera direction when in the "filmmakers" POV since the camera is a character itself.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Hoody
Posted: October 24th, 2007, 7:36am Report to Moderator
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I haven't read them all, but I'm already pretty sure that this one is the funniest.  I loved it.  All the characters were wild.

I agree.  Seeing as how this is a mockumentary, you pretty much have to have the camera directions in it otherwise it wouldn't make any sense.  And by being able to write the camera shots, you were able to add more funny bits like panning past Patty eating the pumpkin(lol moment).

Wendy was definitely my favorite character.  Dysfunctional at it's finest.

I agree with the people about Maude and Ida's exchange to a certain extent.  I believe it will work out much better when you see it on film because of the rapid swish pans the camera could do to catch it all.

Tim winning at the end made me laugh the hardest for some reason.  I think it was because of the title of his pumpkin.

I declare this script the winner.  Give the man his ten thousand dollar prize already.

...0h, and go film this.  I would love to see how the final product turns out.


Please, read Elvis The Goat or Cold Turkey.  Thanks in advance and I'll make sure to review your script in exchange.
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Ian
Posted: October 26th, 2007, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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Thanks everyone, glad most of you enjoyed it, especially as I wrote it in the last 6 hours before the deadline! I had the idea in my head from when I read the challenge objective and really wanted to enter because I've never done so before, but I didn't actually write it until the Friday night 'cause I'd been busy job hunting. I nearly didn't bother but in the end I decided to just blast it out and all your comments have made it worthwhile, I'm glad I bothered now!

I'll try to refine it based on all your great feedback. Thanks again!

(p.s. References to BEST IN SHOW and DROP DEAD GORGEOUS absolutely made my day, I love both films and they were my inspiration)


"Are you saying I'm crazy!?"
"Oh no, but I'm certainly thinking it loudly"
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