Cheers Craig.

I think it should look pretty good, fingers crossed.  I've spoken to the director and it will look a bit different, some animated parts should be added for the more gross dialogue.

This is one of my earlier shorts and looking back now, I think i've improved a bit.  Unfortunately some of my more recent shorts are, in my opinion, not filmable...is that a word?  Maybe I should write something that's easy to film lol.

I appreciated the good feedback you gave on my script, so I went ahead and randomly picked out one of yours to just to check out. After I was done with it, I went to see some of the reader's comments on Original Idea and I was it bit surprised. I'll say this story has aged well from when you wrote it, like a tribute to some classics.

At first, I thought that the dialouge dragged with all of the callbacks, but as soon as the two teens started throwing out some of their own ideas, it went from boring to walking a line a what makes intellegent storytelling.

"Murderous dogs who sneak into peoples houses while they sleep and suffocate them by shitting in their mouths."

This is line of dialouge that sparked the read for me. Not only did it make my laugh, it really breaks the teens away from what they know from these films into inspiration from the films.
Some times during the read, I felt has if they were acting out a more sinster act than just innocently carving pumpkins.

Every part of the pumpkin's features are dissected. Every part an inspiration for your characters to draw from.

The true brilliance was at the end. The two teens carry on and leave their pumpkins behind--their finished work, a blank canvas at first, but before the leave they give it a spark.

And their work comes to life! I really enjoyed this script, at times it could have been this and could have been that, its a great read. I'll be read more from you for sure.

Johnny

Hey Johnny, wow you certainly read an old one here. I just read through the previous feedback and it go down too well did it. I'm glad you liked it though. I'm a really slow writer to so OWC's are always tough for me lol. This short has a certain place in my heart as it was the first to be produced and it came pretty good too. Shame he forgot to add me on the credits.
Thanks for the read, mate. Let me know if I can repay the read.

Quoted from alffy Shame he forgot to add me on the credits.

Seriously?  That's some bull crap.

Is it online anywhere where we can watch it.  (I'll read it before I watch it.)

- Mark

It was vimeo but not sure now. I got a copy though so could send you it. The guy was nice throughout and honestly forgot the credits. He wanted to get it out for a Halloween screening. He did say he would send me another copy with full credits but never did.

That was amazing dude! The ending was the best part, since this was one of your first scripts, how did it feel when you seen it on film? Acomplishment? Judgmental? I'm sure it was a more positive feeling for you.

Did you know that your stamp wasn't on it before you watched it? Not a good twist, hahaha! I read many discussions from other members on how important it is to them to get writing credits, because we are the genesis of it all.

Oh well, I got to hand it to you, a great write sir.

I was on my honeymoon when I got the email from the guy who wanted to produce which made things awkward lol.  I think it came out pretty good and was very pleased to pop my cherry but of course was a bit bummed when there was no credit for the writer.  I should chase it up for a copy with me credited but its been a while now.

Hey Mate!

Certainly one of the better one scene with a kicker shorts I've seen.
The kids actually sound like they're friends.

Next time...
Put your name on the script!

Congrats all the same!

Regards,
E.D.

E.D. thanks.  What's weird is I spoke to the guy numerous times before he filmed it.  He kept me up to date with the progress and even asked my thoughts about certain things, which was nice.  I think it was a genuine mistake that I wasn't in the credits.  At least someone else didn't get my credit lol.
Seems odd talking about this now, almost 3 years after it was filmed.

Hey Anthony.

I read the script first, then I read the feedback you got from when you first submitted.

Is this a revision?  Because honestly, I don't see where others were coming from.  I thought it was pretty funny.  Especially for an OWC.  Even had a clever little set up and everything.

(Though, personally, I would have had them mention the pumpkins coming to life early on in the story, so we have time to forget about it.  Having it at the end like that, then it happening right after, seemed a little forced and contrived.)

While I was reading, though, I couldn't remember which kid was which.  They both have the same voice.  I've noticed this now after reading three of your stories.  Your characters all tend to have the same voice, which I'm assuming is your voice.  Even though you are the one telling the story, your characters are the ones portraying it for us.  They need to all have their own voice.


The children in the film were very likable, and I had no trouble distinguishing them.  I liked the film itself.  I do wish that the dialogue wasn't trimmed down because I think a couple of the funny lines needed the explaining.  And the cuts and the talking and actions were happening too fast.  I'm guessing the director was working to get it under five minutes, so it made it seem rushed, but still enjoyable nonetheless.

Belated congratulations on your first film brought to screen!  (Even though I've already watched 'My Fifteen Minutes'.  :-)

- Mark

P.S.  -  I went to watch this this morning, but it was taking forever to buffer on my computer.  I don't know if it was just my computer or media player, so I waited til I got home from work tonight to watch it.  It's buffering faster, but it still took about ten minutes to buffer and play, then it stopped and buffered again in the middle.

Is this happening to you or anyone else?  Or is it just me and my crap technology?

This is the only draft of the script, Mark. Yeah, I got a bit of a bashing when it was posted.

I'm glad you pointed out that my characters all sound the same, something I need to work on. I thought I did okay on Pub Lunch though, some have said my three protags in that all sounded individual.

I know some things were changed in this due to language and yeah I guess he wanted to keep the running time down.

Cheers for your thoughts.