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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - A Tale of Two Nuggets Moderators: Administrator
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  Author    OWC - A Tale of Two Nuggets  (currently 3096 views)
Don
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 11:39am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Tale of Two Nuggets (Great Grandfather Wasn't Crazy) by Walter Mellon - Short, Family Horror - Jeremy has lived his entire life with the legend of his Great Grandfather finding a gold nugget which fell from space. He never really believed it until one night a gold streak fills the sky. Will he find another gold nugget, or something else entirely?  12 pages - pdf, format


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Zombie Sean
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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This story reminded me of something you'd see back in the 50s, which I wish it had been because it would have worked better (the whole children sharing a room, the way they talked, the walkie-talkie conversations between the two friends), but then again, it wouldn't have worked because of the Nintendo DS scenes. Which I thought was really clever that you put that in there. I never would have guessed.

It was a cute story that I thought wasn't really going to go anywhere, no offense, but I was pleasantly surprised that you executed it the way you did.

Sean
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Niles_Crane
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 1:34pm Report to Moderator
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I would echo Sean here - it did seem rather old fashioned in it's structure, and maybe it would have benefited from being set in that period. The dialogue, the whole set up - it could have come from a 1950s SF Wave movie without any problem.

It was a perfectly pleasant, unremarkable, little story. It would work as a kids feature actually - it has Disney written all over it!

There was a August OWC that had a similar retro feel to it - I can't remember who wrote that one, but it would not surprise me if they were also responsible for this.
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grademan
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it. Clean wriitng. Fit nicely into 12 pages. Definitely a G rating for cartoonish action scenes. Good way to tie in a video game. The story was good with the grandson, but it might have had more resonance if grandpa was there.

Solid effort.

Gary.
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BryMo
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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I don't know what say here really... i loved it. And i think kids will too!

Thankyou for the great read! Good luck with it.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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hellsing3000
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
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What can I say about this... I didn't love it but I didn't hate it either.  It just didn't do it for me. It just didn't get me real excited about getting to the next page. I kind of don't like using cartoons or protected materials in a huge way, like you based your script on.

Also this doesn't really do much for the genre. Kids get bored easily and I'm a kid at heart.  Yes, you have to be simple but kids just like adults have emotions and you can play with them. My advice create your own characters don't include Mario and Toad because you assume that we all know them. Instead of Toad how about Tadpole.

The writing was ok but your first pages have to be different in someway from stuff we've seen a hundred times. The story sort of got lost because I don't really get the connections between how the Nugget chose this moment. Something has to make that happen. I hope you don't hate me for this, I'm only giving suggestions to make your story pop and more original.

I thought it was a good story but I could see points that were a little mundane at times.

Spark your story with something different or exciting from the beginning.

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Coding Herman
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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This is a very good script. It is definitely family horror and I really liked it. The setup is there and it goes hand-in-hand with the resolution. The ending is very satisfying as well.

Now I really want to see Nugget on the screen. I bet it'll be as cute as the Gremlin.


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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MBCgirl
Posted: October 18th, 2009, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this piece...it does have an old story feel but in this day and economy...it is understandable that the two kids might be in their own bedroom if their parents couldn't afford anything more than a 2 bedroom house or apartment.

It was a little too "gamey" for me...but I understand the importance in present day time.

Over all I thought this was a great kid story.

I was promted to watch a little goonies last night to get in the mood for all of these and this falls into that "kid adventure" feel

Great job!

Morgan


http://www.myspace.com/mbcgirl  

I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.  

When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.


MBCgirl =)
My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
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mcornetto
Posted: October 19th, 2009, 12:54am Report to Moderator
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I thought this was a cute kids movie. It probably would not hold the attention of adults in the family (well maybe if they were parents who had a childhood in the 80s).  The whole deal sort of struck me as being similar to the Goonies and ET.

I didn't really find much horror in it.  It struck me more as sci-fi fantasy rather than horror fantasy.  But you did have the Halloween festival.  And you did a great job writing this piece. Good job.

***OO  
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Cathead
Posted: October 19th, 2009, 12:39pm Report to Moderator
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What I really loved about this was the altered images breaking free, that could be done really well I feel and was perfect for the genre. Wasn't sure why it was diamonds instead of gold at the end though.
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stevie
Posted: October 20th, 2009, 5:28am Report to Moderator
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LUCKY LAST!

I wasn't enamoured of this quite like all the above folks, but, yeah, it was well written.
The kids would love it for sure.
Tighten a few things up (i really doubt a brother and sister that old would be room sharing) and this would be a top one.

Ok I've read them all.   My faves were: 'Ghost in the Graveyard', um, that one that everyone liked but I can't recall the name of(Pumpkin Pie), and hmm, possibly that Roo one!
Oh, and I thought mine was alright too.



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khamanna
Posted: October 20th, 2009, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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I thought this was great!

I see it as animated. Very much kid oriented, makes great sense... and very well written. This is actually a good idea Mario is out...

I was a little confused when Jeremy said "We must stop them". Why? They were about to do something evil? That part I did not understand. It might be my fault though.

if you going to rewrite - p6 - typo - "it's Cold" instead of "it's Gold"

Great job!
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Rusty Pipes
Posted: October 20th, 2009, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
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Nice work.  The Mario characters didn't really do it for me and I was hoping for a little more emotion.  But in fairness to your script you have more af an action major with a minor in horror, and I do think kids would go nuts for it (mine would).

Not my speed but I suspect would be a hit with the youngsters.
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Dreamscale
Posted: October 21st, 2009, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
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OK, last script, so we’ll get a very in-depth review.

BEWARE….BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID!!!  BWOOOOOOHaHa!!!

Opening is great…very well written with a nice, realistic flow and feel.  Good job so far!

Page 3 – Why is Jeremy’s dialogue OS?  It shouldn’t be, cause he’s in the room.  If you’re intending the camera not to be on him here, this would fall into a form of directing, and there’s no reason for that here.

Page 3 – Why such a huge bottom margin here?  Something’s wrong…

Page 4 – No age given for Georgie – I’ll have to assume he’s 10 like Jeremy.

Page 5 – Good dialogue between Jeremy and Georgie!  Nice chemistry and again, very realistic and believable.

General note – I don’t like using “SAME” as a time in your Slugs.  I’d recommend “CONTINUOUS” or an actual time like “NIGHT”, etc.

Page 5 – I don’t think the wrylie “determined” is at all necessary here.  My advice on wrylies is only use them when they make a difference, and…sparingly…very sparingly.

Page 5 – “Jeremy starts scooting to the edge.” – An easy fix here would be, “Jeremy scoots to the edge.”, which reads so much better.

Page 6 – “Mario Kart figures races across the screen.” – “races” should be “race”.

Page 7 – Not sure what happened here, but personally, I don’t like the direction we’ve moved in with the Mario Kart stuff.

Page 8 – “Bowser spikes glide past Jeremy’s head - shaving off a lock of his hair.” – “Bowser” should be “Bowser’s”.

I do like how the ghosts and gargoyles are coming to life!  Cool!

Page 8 – “The two GARGOYLES at the gate open jump off their posts.” – Something is wrong here…removing “open” fixes it, but maybe you meant to put “open” in front of “gate”.

Page 9 – I like the scene in the hall of mirrors.  “The grass splinters and cracks.” – “grass” should be “glass”.

Page 11 – Confused where the tiny space ship came from.  Wording is odd also here – “It opens a tiny space ship and gets inside.” – I’d rewrite that sentence and also add something about there being a tiny space ship in the crater.

Quick review – Very well written script that meets the challenge, although the horror level is very low.  Good characters and interesting story.  I don’t really feel that the payoff lived up to the setup.  Also don’t really like the Nintendo stuff, and the Ghostbusters stuff was a bit weak as well.

Although I definitely liked this, I felt a bit let down in the end and was hoping for a lot more.  Why were there diamonds instead of gold at the end?  Seems out of place.

Good effort for sure!  In the top 6 or 7…good job!
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steven8
Posted: October 22nd, 2009, 1:43am Report to Moderator
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I love this!  Great story.  Very creative and totally fits the family requirement.  Jeremy, although put through living heck, was vindicated.  Jeff, I think the diamonds were a nice touch, because now Jeremy has his own unique story to pass down through the years.  I think that's why it was diamonds.  Plus, they'll help his family financially.  Not that gold wouldn't, at the current near 1000 dollar per oz market value, but diamonds ain't bad, either.

Great script!


...in no particular order
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electricsatori
Posted: October 31st, 2009, 12:43pm Report to Moderator
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Now that the writers have been revealed I want to thank everybody for reading and commenting.


Quoted from Zombie Sean
This story reminded me of something you'd see back in the 50s, which I wish it had been because it would have worked better (the whole children sharing a room, the way they talked, the walkie-talkie conversations between the two friends), but then again, it wouldn't have worked because of the Nintendo DS scenes. Which I thought was really clever that you put that in there. I never would have guessed.

It was a cute story that I thought wasn't really going to go anywhere, no offense, but I was pleasantly surprised that you executed it the way you did.

Sean


You know, I never thought to write it back in the 50's but if I rewrite this I most certainly will. Of course, I'll have to come up with a different contrivance for capturing the ghosts and such, but that might be an interesting challenge.

Thanks for your read, Sean.


Quoted from Niles_Crane


It was a perfectly pleasant, unremarkable, little story. It would work as a kids feature actually - it has Disney written all over it!

There was a August OWC that had a similar retro feel to it - I can't remember who wrote that one, but it would not surprise me if they were also responsible for this.


This was the first kid's story I have ever written. I wanted to keep it fun and adventerous, with a sprinkling of light-heartedness.

Nope, didn't participate in the August OWC challenge, but thanks for your input!



Quoted from grademan
I liked it. Clean wriitng. Fit nicely into 12 pages. Definitely a G rating for cartoonish action scenes. Good way to tie in a video game. The story was good with the grandson, but it might have had more resonance if grandpa was there.

Gary.


I can't believe I didn't think of that. The grandpa would have made a brilliant dynamic in this story!
Thanks for the G rating, my first one ever!


Quoted from BryMo
I don't know what say here really... i loved it. And i think kids will too!

Thankyou for the great read! Good luck with it.


You're quite welcome, more than happy you enjoyed it!


Quoted from hellsing3000
What can I say about this... I didn't love it but I didn't hate it either.  It just didn't do it for me. It just didn't get me real excited about getting to the next page...

...Also this doesn't really do much for the genre. Kids get bored easily and I'm a kid at heart.  Yes, you have to be simple but kids just like adults have emotions and you can play with them...

The writing was ok but your first pages have to be different in someway from stuff we've seen a hundred times. The story sort of got lost because I don't really get the connections between how the Nugget chose this moment. Something has to make that happen. I hope you don't hate me for this, I'm only giving suggestions to make your story pop and more original.

I thought it was a good story but I could see points that were a little mundane at times.

Spark your story with something different or exciting from the beginning.



Nope, definitely don't hate you for this at all. I absolutely love critical reviews, they help me burn the dross from a story and make it better.

I agree, using protected materials is taboo, but I wanted to toy with it once, I could have easily used generic versions of the characters, but this was an exercise for me. I'm going to be submitting a movie to a video game company based on their concepts and needed a little practice.

Thanks for your critique, much appreciated.


Quoted from Coding Herman


Now I really want to see Nugget on the screen. I bet it'll be as cute as the Gremlin.


Nugget would be cuter, by far, than that flea-bag Gremlin.
Heh heh, I kid.

I want to see it on the screen, too!
Thanks!


DUST AND ROSES - (Western) 7 Pages

SUNDAY IS THE WORST DAY TO DIE OF THE PLAGUE - (Drama) 12 Pages

THE GHOST OF JOHN (Horror) 94 Pages
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electricsatori
Posted: October 31st, 2009, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto


I didn't really find much horror in it.  It struck me more as sci-fi fantasy rather than horror fantasy.  But you did have the Halloween festival.  And you did a great job writing this piece. Good job.

***OO  


Yes, the horror was light, very very light. My sci-fi roots always seem to bleed into my stories.

Thanks for the read!


Quoted from Cathead
What I really loved about this was the altered images breaking free, that could be done really well I feel and was perfect for the genre. Wasn't sure why it was diamonds instead of gold at the end though.


Ahh, the diamonds versus gold question. I have been biting my tongue trying not to answer this one before the names were revealed.
He did find another gold nugget, just like his grandfather, however that gold nugget turned out to be an mischevious alien. Do you think he would have kept any gold nuggets he found after that experience?
The whole premise of the story was about him finding a second nugget. It would be a triple-redundancy if he found another gold nugget.
While yes, the diamonds were unexpected and could seem outside the initiail chain of events, they were a result of the craft tearing a hole in the ground and unearthing them.
Whoo, take a deep breath, ok, I'm better.

The altered images breaking free was my favorite part of the story too.


Quoted from stevie
LUCKY LAST!

I wasn't enamoured of this quite like all the above folks, but, yeah, it was well written.
The kids would love it for sure.
Tighten a few things up (i really doubt a brother and sister that old would be room sharing) and this would be a top one.



Well, I'm glad you considered this to be a lucky read. And yes, there are many things which could be tightened up.


Quoted from Rusty Pipes
Nice work.  The Mario characters didn't really do it for me and I was hoping for a little more emotion.  But in fairness to your script you have more af an action major with a minor in horror, and I do think kids would go nuts for it (mine would).

Not my speed but I suspect would be a hit with the youngsters.


This was definitely written with the youngsters in mind.
It is such a departure from what I normally write, but that's the point, isn't it? That's why we enter challenges, to write things we would never normally write.



DUST AND ROSES - (Western) 7 Pages

SUNDAY IS THE WORST DAY TO DIE OF THE PLAGUE - (Drama) 12 Pages

THE GHOST OF JOHN (Horror) 94 Pages
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electricsatori
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Quoted from Dreamscale
OK, last script, so we’ll get a very in-depth review.

BEWARE….BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID!!!  BWOOOOOOHaHa!!!

Opening is great…very well written with a nice, realistic flow and feel.  Good job so far!

Page 3 – Why is Jeremy’s dialogue OS?  It shouldn’t be, cause he’s in the room.  If you’re intending the camera not to be on him here, this would fall into a form of directing, and there’s no reason for that here.


Jeremy's dialogue is not OS. Mark, his father's dialogue is OS because it is coming through a vent.
On page 4 Jeremy has dialogue which is VO when the scene is at Georgie's house and his voice is coming through a walkie.



Quoted from Dreamscale

Page 3 – Why such a huge bottom margin here?  Something’s wrong…

Page 4 – No age given for Georgie – I’ll have to assume he’s 10 like Jeremy.

Page 5 – Good dialogue between Jeremy and Georgie!  Nice chemistry and again, very realistic and believable.


I don't know why the margins screwed up like that, nice catch.
Correct assumption on Georgie's age.
Dialogue is always tough for me, thanks!


Quoted from Dreamscale

General note – I don’t like using “SAME” as a time in your Slugs.  I’d recommend “CONTINUOUS” or an actual time like “NIGHT”, etc.

Page 5 – I don’t think the wrylie “determined” is at all necessary here.  My advice on wrylies is only use them when they make a difference, and…sparingly…very sparingly.


You know how much of a stickler I am for formatting. CONTINUOUS would only be used when transitioning from one scene to another in a steady flow. For example: Running down a hallway and kicking open a door. To transition between those two scenes you would use CONTINUOUS.
Otherwise, I see this used improperly all the time.

You're right, the wryly could easily be dropped.


Quoted from Dreamscale

Page 5 – “Jeremy starts scooting to the edge.” – An easy fix here would be, “Jeremy scoots to the edge.”, which reads so much better.

Page 6 – “Mario Kart figures races across the screen.” – “races” should be “race”.

Page 7 – Not sure what happened here, but personally, I don’t like the direction we’ve moved in with the Mario Kart stuff.


Correct, much easier read.
Thanks for the catch.
50/50 with most on the Mario Kart stuff. Personally, I thought I could have been more original too.


Quoted from Dreamscale

Page 8 – “Bowser spikes glide past Jeremy’s head - shaving off a lock of his hair.” – “Bowser” should be “Bowser’s”.

I do like how the ghosts and gargoyles are coming to life!  Cool!

Page 8 – “The two GARGOYLES at the gate open jump off their posts.” – Something is wrong here…removing “open” fixes it, but maybe you meant to put “open” in front of “gate”.

Page 9 – I like the scene in the hall of mirrors.  “The grass splinters and cracks.” – “grass” should be “glass”.

Page 11 – Confused where the tiny space ship came from.  Wording is odd also here – “It opens a tiny space ship and gets inside.” – I’d rewrite that sentence and also add something about there being a tiny space ship in the crater.


Thanks for the editing catch.
No, I didn't mean to put open in there.
I meant grass when I said it the first time and I stick by it! Heh heh, thanks again!
Yes, some type of foreshadowing with the ship should have been done.


Quoted from Dreamscale

Quick review – Very well written script that meets the challenge, although the horror level is very low.  Good characters and interesting story.  I don’t really feel that the payoff lived up to the setup.  Also don’t really like the Nintendo stuff, and the Ghostbusters stuff was a bit weak as well.

Although I definitely liked this, I felt a bit let down in the end and was hoping for a lot more.  Why were there diamonds instead of gold at the end?  Seems out of place.

Good effort for sure!  In the top 6 or 7…good job!


I agree that the Nintendo and Ghostbuster's stuff detracted from the story and could have been done in a much more original way.
The end could have been better if the story was stronger in the first place. It needed the grandpa there, and a reason for the nugget, and to be set in a different time period, and...wait, most of what everybody said.

Thanks for the critique, Jeff!



DUST AND ROSES - (Western) 7 Pages

SUNDAY IS THE WORST DAY TO DIE OF THE PLAGUE - (Drama) 12 Pages

THE GHOST OF JOHN (Horror) 94 Pages
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electricsatori
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Quoted from steven8
I love this!  Great story.  Very creative and totally fits the family requirement.  Jeremy, although put through living heck, was vindicated.  Jeff, I think the diamonds were a nice touch, because now Jeremy has his own unique story to pass down through the years.  I think that's why it was diamonds.  Plus, they'll help his family financially.  Not that gold wouldn't, at the current near 1000 dollar per oz market value, but diamonds ain't bad, either.

Great script!


Thanks for defending my precious diamonds! I stand by them!



DUST AND ROSES - (Western) 7 Pages

SUNDAY IS THE WORST DAY TO DIE OF THE PLAGUE - (Drama) 12 Pages

THE GHOST OF JOHN (Horror) 94 Pages
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 6th, 2009, 5:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
OK, last script, so we’ll get a very in-depth review.

BEWARE….BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID!!!  BWOOOOOOHaHa!!!

Opening is great…very well written with a nice, realistic flow and feel.  Good job so far!

Page 3 – Why is Jeremy’s dialogue OS?  It shouldn’t be, cause he’s in the room.  If you’re intending the camera not to be on him here, this would fall into a form of directing, and there’s no reason for that here.

Page 3 – Why such a huge bottom margin here?  Something’s wrong…

Page 4 – No age given for Georgie – I’ll have to assume he’s 10 like Jeremy.

Page 5 – Good dialogue between Jeremy and Georgie!  Nice chemistry and again, very realistic and believable.

General note – I don’t like using “SAME” as a time in your Slugs.  I’d recommend “CONTINUOUS” or an actual time like “NIGHT”, etc.

Page 5 – I don’t think the wrylie “determined” is at all necessary here.  My advice on wrylies is only use them when they make a difference, and…sparingly…very sparingly.

Page 5 – “Jeremy starts scooting to the edge.” – An easy fix here would be, “Jeremy scoots to the edge.”, which reads so much better.

Page 6 – “Mario Kart figures races across the screen.” – “races” should be “race”.

Page 7 – Not sure what happened here, but personally, I don’t like the direction we’ve moved in with the Mario Kart stuff.

Page 8 – “Bowser spikes glide past Jeremy’s head - shaving off a lock of his hair.” – “Bowser” should be “Bowser’s”.

I do like how the ghosts and gargoyles are coming to life!  Cool!

Page 8 – “The two GARGOYLES at the gate open jump off their posts.” – Something is wrong here…removing “open” fixes it, but maybe you meant to put “open” in front of “gate”.

Page 9 – I like the scene in the hall of mirrors.  “The grass splinters and cracks.” – “grass” should be “glass”.

Page 11 – Confused where the tiny space ship came from.  Wording is odd also here – “It opens a tiny space ship and gets inside.” – I’d rewrite that sentence and also add something about there being a tiny space ship in the crater.

Quick review – Very well written script that meets the challenge, although the horror level is very low.  Good characters and interesting story.  I don’t really feel that the payoff lived up to the setup.  Also don’t really like the Nintendo stuff, and the Ghostbusters stuff was a bit weak as well.

Although I definitely liked this, I felt a bit let down in the end and was hoping for a lot more.  Why were there diamonds instead of gold at the end?  Seems out of place.

Good effort for sure!  In the top 6 or 7…good job!


Very strange. This was my last read also.

I enjoyed the legend aspect and Mark telling the story. I also enjoyed how Jeremy's sister, Cindy, all grown up like, was not too cooperative in the legend aspect.  

Poor Jeremy. His sister isn't very nice is she.

For myself, I enjoyed this up until the Mario Kart figures came into play. This spin felt off to me. It didn't feel Halloween like in that regard.

The title I don't think does justice to this piece. Truthfully, I was thinking Chicken Nuggets. Silly me.   I just wasn't getting a Halloween vibe and so that's probably one of the reasons this one wound up being my last read. Still, it's not a disappointment.

My feeling is by including the Mario Kart figures, it's less appealing and not universal enough. I don't know. Why not Warcraft characters? Why not Bugs Bunny? Why not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Or who knows? I guess my question is the relevancy. I personally don't know the characters because I never played those games. But I'm thinking if you create a self-contained relevance of them into the script then they will work better.

Hope this helps,

A nice effort with definitely an interesting spin,

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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electricsatori
Posted: November 9th, 2009, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sandra Elstree.


For myself, I enjoyed this up until the Mario Kart figures came into play. This spin felt off to me. It didn't feel Halloween like in that regard.

The title I don't think does justice to this piece. Truthfully, I was thinking Chicken Nuggets. Silly me.   I just wasn't getting a Halloween vibe and so that's probably one of the reasons this one wound up being my last read. Still, it's not a disappointment.

My feeling is by including the Mario Kart figures, it's less appealing and not universal enough. I don't know. Why not Warcraft characters? Why not Bugs Bunny? Why not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Or who knows? I guess my question is the relevancy. I personally don't know the characters because I never played those games. But I'm thinking if you create a self-contained relevance of them into the script then they will work better.

Hope this helps,

A nice effort with definitely an interesting spin,

Sandra


Hey Sandra, yes it definitely helps.

The Mario Kart reference was not well-received by hardly anyone. I can say this, that's the last time it will happen.
And you're right, it could have easily been any other commercial product, so it really lost it's relevance.

Heh heh, chicken nuggets. I like it. I could easily see how the title could be construed like that. Funny, maybe I should have made it about Chicken Nuggets...??? I kid I kid.

Anyway, thanks for the review!

By the by, I know you read a lot of the scripts on this site and have some insightful advice on how to improve them - please, do not be afraid to deconstruct my work, I am not even remotely sensitive and always welcome the sharpest criticism.
Ultimately, I just want to get better and see biting critiques as compliments.

-Daniel



DUST AND ROSES - (Western) 7 Pages

SUNDAY IS THE WORST DAY TO DIE OF THE PLAGUE - (Drama) 12 Pages

THE GHOST OF JOHN (Horror) 94 Pages
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 9th, 2009, 9:52pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from electricsatori


Hey Sandra, yes it definitely helps.

The Mario Kart reference was not well-received by hardly anyone. I can say this, that's the last time it will happen.
And you're right, it could have easily been any other commercial product, so it really lost it's relevance.

Heh heh, chicken nuggets. I like it. I could easily see how the title could be construed like that. Funny, maybe I should have made it about Chicken Nuggets...??? I kid I kid.

Anyway, thanks for the review!

By the by, I know you read a lot of the scripts on this site and have some insightful advice on how to improve them - please, do not be afraid to deconstruct my work, I am not even remotely sensitive and always welcome the sharpest criticism.
Ultimately, I just want to get better and see biting critiques as compliments.

-Daniel



You are welcome. I try my best, although my best never feels good enough.

It's true, we need to welcome criticism and use it to its fullest extent. It's a gauge, it's a thermometer, it's a barometer, it's a tipo-meter.

I completely screw up on a regular basis because I can't translate what is being transmitted to me. Even so, that is my road and because I know it's my road, it means a lot. It has value and importance through its inherent difficulty.

No, what we're doing isn't easy, and we've all got our huge downfalls, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The joy I get from working with many of you far surpasses anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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