Ok read this one to. I have to say there's something interesting about it. There's a creepy vibe, maybe in a Tim Burton sort of way like a poster mentioned before? But I seemed to "drift" a bit at some parts. Again, not knocking it. I'll try and give it another go soon.

Thanks for the read! I need to give it another go myself too

Quoted from electricsatori PAGE 1: Initial description “A family of earthworms, MOM, DAD, GAS, CHRISTINA and ZEKE gathered for a family meeting.” This is an awkward introduction. If the characters being introduced are relevant to the outcome of the story, there should be some brief characterization. Your descriptions should be curt and as visual as possible, invoking a sense of time, place, or mood. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Remember, the more work you do before you start, the less work you do in rewrites! -Daniel

Hello Daniel, just taking a look at your comments here again.

Your comment on the intros does demand attention. It's so easy for people to write something, have it nailed in their mind, but not on paper. That goes for the whole she-bang of writing and not just character intros, but being meticulous with them is an important hard-line that we need to follow, IMHO.

Coming back to this thread, I don't think it was your intention to be hard on the writer, but yeah, it kind of happened that way. Nevertheless, you are correct despite my wish to be a bit more gentle.

It's such a fine line to walk between nailing it and overkill. I think now is a time to remind writers that they can supply clues to the characters (sometimes) by putting them in their typical surroundings. Also, by giving them lines that tell us what they're made of. If it happens in the right way, then maybe plain Jane/Joe names without context might work, but we have to be careful.

In this instance, I did get that it was from a child's perspective right off, but that's me. I know we always need to be asking, "Is it comprehensible to a wide audience?" "Will they get what these characters are all about?"

Nice to see this script up again.

Sandra