I think you nailed it. I really do.  You managed to meet all the criteria that was required and presented a nice litle short.

I particularly liked the triumph over fears of the closet monster.

I think kids would love this, particularly the younger ones. I t deals with their fears and overcomes them. Cool!

Well done.

8 out of 10 easily.

Good thing I'm not a monster or this story would have me vomiting in the bushes - cause it's sweet!  Really enjoyed this read.  The older brother's turn from a tease to a protector was rewarding and would have been even strong with more setup.  Well done!

This is definitely one of my favorite tales...if it were written a little cleaner with the suggestions you have received on other posts...I think you could actually submit this one somewhere...and it might win.  

I loved that Chase won at everything and his relationship with his brother took on a nice change.   He also learned that this had happened to his brother too and there's nothing more comforting to a sibling than finding out that they too, have experienced the same fear(s).

Great job!

Morgan

Very clever story, very well told.

Loved the premise that monsters (at least this one) go trick or treating on Halloween not for candy, but little kids.
Nice early hint in the story that Elliot might have been a possible monster treat years before with the "just throw something at him" line. This suggestion could be simply a way to calm the nerves of a younger kid...or, really the way to foil the monster.

Spooky build of how the monster was revealed one ooey gooey part at a time.

Definitely delivers the Family Horror genre and nicely revolves around the Halloween Harvest.

This definitely was a Halloween treat!

Thanks for reading, everybody. Lots of good points here. Not much to contest with. Overall, very fun and refreshing to write but I think I'll stick to my blood and guts for a while.

Good, solid entry, James!  I voted this as my #4 favorite!  Great story.

"Let me just write your name down with your guess." is probably the greeter, not Chase.

Concur with the carmel apples, like Sugar Daddies. All endorsed by the Dental Association for all the fillings they rip out.

Principle is always the Principal, your pal.

Chase is Timmy in the last scene, but, that's just nitpicky stuff.

I liked how the monster was so sneaky trying to get the boy, only showing bits and pieces of himself in true creature feature fashion. Familiar theme with monsters in the closet, but he was a particularly good monster and a good, original spin to it. Liked the scene with the snail.

Dialogue was good, too. Sounded age close to age appropriate, but Chase was a bit older, nine or ten maybe.

Nice job, Mr. James.

The idea of the monster in the closet is a good one. As children, we can all relate to this.

The trouble with this is that Chase doesn't have the opportunity to solve the problem on his own.

In the end we learn:

>ELLIOT
All monsters hate candy. Everybody
knows that.

If you show this in the beginning, as the monster's weakness, then you could maybe build the story based on that idea, where Chase devises a plan to teach the monster a lesson or something.

Right now, as it stands, Chase doesn't really do much. He does nail his shot and dunks the principal. That is good because it shows he has some natural ability and strength. It's a part that shows his potential. Use that in defining some of what he's about. Build on that idea and make it work. As it is, it just kind of exists there before the showdown with the monster where the candy gets thrown.

Build up to the point where the candy gets thrown by showing some actual conflict between the monster and the two brothers.

One more note here:

>Elliot and Chase emerge from the front of a stereotypical
suburban house.

There's no such thing as stereotypical suburban house. It depends on where you are.



Good effort,

Sandra