I really have nothing bad to say about this one at all. It was completely well written. The characters, the story, the dialogue... It all was perfect in my opinion.

A really good example of a solid script and an even more solid writer!!!

Sandra

Stevie

I enjoyed this for what it was, in terms of the criteria set out by the challenge, you ticked all the boxes, good, clean family entertainment given the halloween treatment.

The opening images of the billboard and appearance of the wolf howling into the moon reminded me of a typical intro to a Simpsons Halloween episode, no bad thing of course. I really got a cartoonish impression of the whole scene, the wolf bounding of in the direction of a town aptly called "Creepville" thus setting the tone of what was to come.

Yep, the next scene depicting a family each carrying their own feature of ghoulishness i.e Father Dracula, mummified mother and Pumpkin-for-a-head Son  confirms my initial pre-conceptions.

HEMLOCK
It is to a small turdy vegetable
head like you.

HEMLOCK
Probably rolling in turds in
someone’s yard.

HEMLOCK
Don’t laugh, vegie breath. The
reason your head grew so big is
from Mummy packing turds around it
when you were born.

-- As much as I love and appreciate your use of the word "turd" and its variation "turdy" (I laughed at Hemlocks earlier name calling of Jack) I don't think it should be repeated again in such close proximity, let alone twice. Like in any dialogue you don't want to hear standout words again no matter how much you like them. Plus there are an ocean of alternative words for sh?t, you could have a great time just experimenting and diversifying ways in which Hemlock utters them to her Cucurbita'd brother.

HEMLOCK
Gross! I told you he’d been rolling
in turds.

-- Ok, now I'm beginning to realise that its just something she says, a word she has taken a liking to and gonna say it at every opportunity.

Having read the majority of your previous works I could've pobably known it was you if I had read this before the author identities were revealed. The meandering, multi character four page conversation at the start is a signiture trait of your writing. A trend of writing not to everyones taste, particularly in spec script land but I always enjoy the humour and wildly contrasting characterisations that populate your work, this being no difference, not least their appearances but also in varying personalities.

As for the story, not much happened in it but then again it is only 12 pages, it seemed to only serve the challenge and nothing more. My liking of this came primarily from the exchanges between the family members and the general concept of this other worldly inhabited town called Creepville idyllically residing in harmony somewhere in contemporary America (possibly not too far from Nebraska)

This was a cool idea, well concieved and which would definitely appeal to kids. It could be the making of a cartoon series much in the vein of (if you can remember it) Count Duckula or the once popular Addams Family, although you could be accused of ripping that off. I take it you were influenced by their cartoons/films?

Overall, a decent piece, Stevie. As I said, I was more receptive to the motif and banter within the family home then how the story itself ultimately unfolded, good job though.

Col.

Hi Col. Mate, thanks for your usual insightful rveiews. I'll use this now to thank everyone else who read and commented.

This was a tough challenge! I was all looking forward to trying a straight horror one then the theme came out. I had some good ideas and got inot it, but was sick for two days during the writing. Then, what I had written became sillier by the word so I scrapped it and started over.
My original idea was that the town was called Halloween, so every October there would, naturally, be a festival. the characters would all be introduced wearing the spooky gear- the mayor was Frankenstein,etc . But there was  something threatening the town in the background, which was going to derail the festival.
Basically, the payoff would be that the town was all real 'creeps' and humans were planning to crash the festivl. This would've all been revealed by the last page. Anyway it meandered off somewhere else. So, after panicking for an hour, I  salvaged some ideas and this came out.

I was pretty happy with the end result. Like Jeff, I cut my FADE IN/OUT and THE END, to keep it under the page limit. I also cut any un-needed dialogue and it made it tighter in the long run.
I did base the family on a mish-mash of TV stereotypes. Not so much the Addams Family as a UK kids show called Young Dracula. Very funny that show with a wisecracking Daddy Dracula. Anyway, I cobbled together some characters and tried to give them some good lines.

The overuse of 'turds' was mentioned by most of the other reviewers. I apologise! But the simple explanationo is that I wasn't sure if 'shit' would be family fare! Ok, in certain contexts maybe. Like a character hitting his head and yelling 'SHIT'!
But if they said 'rolling in dog shit' it sounds a bit more mucky and, well, i wasn't sure about it so i left turds in!!  Possibly could've used 'poo'...
I thought that at the family table, kids would say turd instead of shit.

Anyway, cheers to all who entered the challnege and good stuff!
Col, that's cool that you can spot my dialogue! But then you have read all my stuff. Thanks again buddy.