All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
First of all, thanks Col for sticking up for me here. Sandra, not that it matters, but since I PM’d you, asking for a read, you were definitely aware it was my script you were reading. Would you have known it was mine on your own? Who knows…a few SS’s did seem to pick out my style.
I’m not sure exactly what you mean, when you say “This indeed might be a bit of a problem for Jeff at times, because I've seen it happen in other work also. We all do this sometimes and sometimes it's legit and good to do so, all depending upon the character we're writing.”
Are you saying that my characters always sound/seem the same? I’ll be the first to admit that some of my characters are much alike, but I do not agree that it’s a problem or that it’s something I can’t deal with. In the case of this script, all these characters were Southern, and spoke in a slang I have personally never used before…so I’m a bit confused exactly what you’re saying.
As for “actively seeking to enter out of our own individual comfort zones”, again, I’m a bit confused. I definitely write about what I like and characters that I would like. I don’t see that changing and I don’t see it as a problem, either. As apposed to staying within a comfort zone, I’d say it’s more like the age old adage, write what/who you know.
Much of Zachary’s dialogue had to be cut out due to the page constraint, as I mentioned earlier. Zachary’s character, sorry to say is exactly that…he’s here to tell the tale, and there simply wasn’t any room for him to be any more.
The entire thing with Ricky and his Dad is because Ricky is the main character. We start with him and we end with him. The world here, for the most part, is through his young, innocent eyes. I realize this is not standard structure, but I doubt you’ll ever read a script from me that is. I like to write outside the box and always try to give a script my own unique twist, per se.
I wanted to show Ricky’s little slice of life and weave in a family friendly tone, while still involving some scares, some swearing, some teen sex, drinking, and drug use. Actually Don, hit the nail on the head when he said decided to let his son read it, because there was a moral about what happens to those “who are bad”. That’s definitely why Chet got killed and the others escaped. Chet was the “problem child”, and for that, Chet paid with his life.
I didn’t want there to be any real sympathy for Jeb…more like fear. Once again, didn’t have room to even consider “showing” what happened to Jeb, as apposed to using Zachary to tell us.
There are indeed many clichés here, as I mentioned earlier. They were purposely used, but used in a way that I think is a bit different than what you’ll usually see. Obviously, it didn’t work for you, and I apologize for that. I always do try and dig as deep as I can. I think I’m most likely digging in a different quarry than you are, though, Sandra. And that’s OK, right?
No. It's NOT OK, Jeff. Listen to me. Lie down and take it!!!!
Ooops. Sorry. Wrong world. I thought I was in the sexual room that was just built for ... for sexual.
Seriously, I think, but I might be just on the verge of a lie. But seriously, on the verge of a lie, I think you and I are very much the same. We are only taking different approaches to this whole "thing".
Oh gawd!!! If I wrote what actually goes on in my world, I don't know what would happen. Living your character to bring them to life is one thing, but....
Living your character in reality???!!! That can totally mess with your already messed up mind. (If some of my scripts ever get made, I think Dave is right about moving to the Caribbean or "some place" out there. I don't know how to "deal" with what is there. My shame can't figure the limits. and... Limits are broken by shame.
You hooked me from the start with the graveyard. I am a sucker for the elusive invisible line between the living and the afterlife. What better place to stage your script. I thought the writing was very good from the very start.
It comes across as innocent yet scary. You show why the writing you present is always admired on the site. It was clear and fast giving it a feel from page to page of seamless motion.
The ending came too quickly. That's not meant as an indictment but a request for more.
Thanks for the fun read and sorry for the delay reading it. Been very busy.
I enjoyed this Jeff, the two different stories intertwined nicely, not over complicating things. If it wasnt for the alcohol and drugs, I'm sure this would be something you see on 'Are you afraid of the Dark' type programmes for kids/teens.
Only bit of confusion I had was the beginning, why were the two lads running and screaming? Kind of baffled me since its a day prior to them seeing Jeb.
The dialogue was realistic and the action scenes seemed well paced. Well done, Jeff.
Not to my taste with the sheer mildness of Horror, but I think that's due to watching too many scary movies.
So, I promised to read this one some time ago. When was it? Halloween? Guess I've been a little busy, but few complain over a late bump, I suppose.
It was nice to see you working without blood on your hands, so to speak. To see that you can do it. The dialogue was the strong point to me in this one, building a sense of subtle menace that almost delivers its promised payoff -- though we are left wanting a bit more.
The trouble is that this one ends on a dime -- of the sort where you are left scrolling while the page does not move.
I know that you often struggle to get your OWC scripts to fit, and for my money, you spend way too much time at the concert. I see what you are trying to do, I suppose, but it is actually a distraction from the story you are really trying to tell -- in the graveyard.
I do not know if you ever plan to return to this one, but I would have Ricky shun the concert, then sneak off with Jacob to the graveyard for some Halloween antics. I would bring Zachary back into the action, too.
Stir all of these characters back into the story-pot -- in this locale -- as that is where the real heart of your story is. There was nothing wrong with the concert scene -- nothing at all -- but viewed objectively, it is thumb-twiddling that does nothing to move the story.
Hey Bert! Thanks so much for the read and comments. Always appreciated. Yeah, we did talk about you reading this awhile ago. Always love the late bumps!
I agree with everything you said, except I do like the concert parts. I really tried to cut these back, but the stuff I wanted to get across just took too much space. I wanted to set the scene with visuals of the Halloween theme, and the family cutesy stuff, and...well, I ran out of room, obviously.
Glad you seemed to like it. I've always really liked this script, and remember exactly how I went about coming up with it. I did a shitload of research on the area, once I settled in on the core story, and the fact that I wanted Hannah Montana and her Pops there at the "Festival". I knew a bunch of people would be turned off by her, but I seem to like trying to incorporate irritating things in with what I'm trying to get across. Weird, I know.
Yeah, some day, I would like to polish this up, and I think I'll expand it to about 14-15 pages. Although I like your idea, I don't think I'll go that route. I really like the end with the family in the car and the "innocent" nature of it. We'll see though.
Had a looksee here. May be my new fave of yours. I liked watching you work with your hands constrained from a "shitload of killing" - you logline to fade.
This read fast. Had good tension in it. The old cemetary keeper created it with the legend. That.s spooky shit.
I agree the concert wat too long. Miley's dad playing added nothing to this. Good work. I wasn't browsing the boards on this OWC. Glad I saw this.
To get in the spirit of Halloween I revisited some of the old October OWC's. Came across this little gem. I really enjoyed it, but then the ending just kinda dropped off. Other than that you covered a lot of ground in twelve pages. Good job.
Pages: 
Author
OWC - Ghost in the Graveyard
I thought I was in the sexual room that was just built for ... for sexual.
but I might be just on the verge of a lie. But seriously, on the verge of a lie, I think you and I are very much the same. We are only taking different approaches to this whole "thing". 
Logged
Locked Board