Hi Sean

Just to let you know that someone expressed the belief that you had written my entry - take this how you will!

Nothing personal re VOs - I just don't like them, and I would feel the same if this had been written by Christopher Nolan!

It's just me. Obviously plenty of people here on SS have no problem with them.

As I say in my post above, apart from this it was otherwise a good script.

Yeah, nothing personal to you not liking VO's. We all have our pet-peeves. We just shouldn't worry about it But thanks for reading, glad you liked it

Sean

Quoted from Niles_Crane Hi Sean Just to let you know that someone expressed the belief that you had written my entry - take this how you will! Nothing personal re VOs - I just don't like them, and I would feel the same if this had been written by Christopher Nolan! It's just me. Obviously plenty of people here on SS have no problem with them. As I say in my post above, apart from this it was otherwise a good script.

Wow, that's weird. I read this and saw "Sean" and I thought, "Why is he bringing me up, here? Now?" Then, when you mentioned that you thought I (Sean) wrote your entry, I was so confused. Then, last, when you mentioned not liking V.O.'s, I remember you responding to 12 Seconds about their being too many V.O.'s.

Finally, it all got straightened out in my mind when ZOMBIE Sean responded after that. Lol. Good times, goooooood timessssssssss.

Sean, I liked this, although my review may not sound that way.  It was a great story with some good visuals.  I'm a stckler with details and Slugs, and those things threw this off for me.  You wrapped things up nicely, as I said, adn I think with a few tweaks here and there, this could be a great short.

As per the VO's, and the intercut thing, again, I think it was merely an example of trying to do too much...maybe (probably) the deadline and page constraint came into play and was an issue.

This was, IMO, in the top 10 anyways.  Good effort!

Quoted from Zombie Sean electricsatori: I have actually seen that episode, but it did not come to me one time while writing this script. I hope that the similarities don't change your opinion about the script...

Unfortunately, it did. The repetition of the line 'try the pie,' was exactly what Scare Tactics had done. Not only that, the mind control was EXACTLY what they had done.  It just felt way too much like the episode.

I like reading original work for its creativity and fresh perspective. Whether the story was intentionally lifted or innocently inspired by another work, it matters to the reader who knows the source material.

'Give credit where credit is due.' - I said it. Wait, or was it Loretta Young?

-Daniel

I think you have something here, but as is often the case, needs developing.

The idea of pies being the source of trouble is interesting. What I didn't like is that I felt that this piece lacked motivational aspects. As it is, it just turns out as zombified type individuals that are doing there zombie thing. Can't fault a Zombie for doing there zombie thing; so what I want to know is why.

I have to say, I completely missed what Tim actually did to save the day. I went back and read parts again, but I still couldn't find it. Maybe I just missed it.

This is a good attempt. It needs more substance.

Sandra

"One bite won't hurt." but it always does. My wife tells me I got to stop blaming the dryer. She may be right.

Very nice job here, this one. Like Erin's sarcastic, whatever kind of attitude that seems pretty typical of kid's today, which plays well in the dialogue. Some good action sequences, particularly the car slamming into the pie table.

That Tim/Erin Intercut (assume it was in a mockumentary style) was hard to follow and broke the pace of the story.

The violence (parents yielding knives, sledgehammers and other lawn implements) might send this more to the PG-13 side of things, but nothing that wouldn't fly on broadcast television with an intensity warning for young children.

Well done, and now I want some pie.

Dreamscale:

Yeah, I had so many ideas that I wanted to do for this, that I tried to squeeze in everything and I guess it messed things up even more.

electricsatori:

:/ Sorry about that. Nowadays, it's hard to come up with something, but I can see the many similarities with this. The only thing I changed, I guess, was the whole "they try and kill them" thing.

Sandra:

I do plan on expanding on this, so I will fill in gaps and correct mistakes. Don't worry. Tim saves the day...kills the witch...water...etc.

Blakkwolfe:

Glad you liked it and thanks for reading. I will fix the intercut, don't worry. As I write, I play it out how I would film it if I were directing it, and I thought it was "clever" or "funny", but what I think is clever or funny...really isn't. Sucks, yeh.

Yes, this whole script was one big subliminal message for everyone who read it to go get pie.


Sean

Quoted from Zombie Sean Dreamscale: Yeah, I had so many ideas that I wanted to do for this, that I tried to squeeze in everything and I guess it messed things up even more. electricsatori: :/ Sorry about that. Nowadays, it's hard to come up with something, but I can see the many similarities with this. The only thing I changed, I guess, was the whole "they try and kill them" thing. Sandra: I do plan on expanding on this, so I will fill in gaps and correct mistakes. Don't worry. Tim saves the day...kills the witch...water...etc. Blakkwolfe: Glad you liked it and thanks for reading. I will fix the intercut, don't worry. As I write, I play it out how I would film it if I were directing it, and I thought it was "clever" or "funny", but what I think is clever or funny...really isn't. Sucks, yeh. Yes, this whole script was one big subliminal message for everyone who read it to go get pie. Sean

The interesting thing for me is that I'm working on "A Zombie Script" now and:

Who Knew?

If things work out, a new genre will be born. Nah! A new genre HAS been born; we just nee to realize it.