Some nice writing on display here. Great descriptions, natural sounding and entertaining dialogue.

My first problem was I didn't buy it that Amy would chat to the guy when he sounds loony tunes from the start. Eventually she does start reacting naturaully but not early enough for me.

When George starts escalating, he does so very quickly and goes from man with a phobia to complete mental person with a click of a finger.  He's so wacko it made me doubt he'd be anywhere but a lunatic asylum or a prison by now. It's also very obvious at page 6 where this script is heading, it's telegraphed.

You had a very interesting premise and I think you should have pressed the phobia more, the madman less. There was also a few moments where I thought maybe he was being haunted, I think if you explore this angle you could keep the audience guessing until the end, which is what you want really.

-Mark

I like the premise, perhaps the best use of a phobia I’ve read so far.  Maybe there was a ghost, maybe there wasn’t.  That touch of doubt gives it an extra depth.  I think you could stand to play on that a little more - have some fun with it.  

But that opening conversation is too OTN.  It plays out like a question and answer session, conveniently delivering the backstory.  I didn’t buy that Amy would want anything to do with George - not as written.  If she were drunk perhaps - bored, brash and engaging him for kicks which she later regrets.  

‘Amy appears around the corner and screams when an arm reaches out of a black doorway and pulls her to a stop. She screams, until she sees it’s just George.’

And she stops screaming?  She doesn’t know George, why is she suddenly trusting this oddball?

The set-up needs a polish, but this is a dark little story, one I think you should come back to.

I liked that I found myself second guessing what was going to happen as the story unfolded. Will Amy be the ghost? The waitress? Is he a whack-job or legit? Good work.

There were some little issues: Phobia - meh, not so much. I feel like he's just tired of being harassed by his dead wife, not so much in ungodly fear of all ghosts?

Easy to read and could be made on a shoe-string. One location and the street. Cheap-o production here.

Good stuff.

I really like the idea of a psychopath who is terrified of ghosts. As the story progresses and we see more and more how disturbed George is it becomes really chilling.

I would have liked Amy to be a bit more pro-active. She hits on a weirdo, leaves, lets him follow her then pretty much lets him murder her. I would have liked to see her have a little spunk and personality. It would have more impact when she dies too.

But this is a great, disturbing short that works on more than one level. Great job!

Swee(e)t Sara
Don spent you an extra E here

A qualified horror title I think
Content of your logline sounds interesting; don't like how it's written though

The dialogues are too repetitive. Check each dialogues purpose and analyze if it moves the story forward. The plot, especially when it gets "outside", is far too slow and not visual enough as a movie.

Compress it to get more entertainment value and live-experience…

bottom p8 there it regains back some pace and momentum, nice twist

All in all, the story didn't do it for me.

It's hard to believe this whole ghost stuff, better said, hard to take the plot serious…

And if this is the case, you must be damn good at the entertainment front to justify the flick.

Perhaps another go might open some doors…

This might be my favorite so far even though it gets off to a very rocky start. Once they're outside and you start casting doubt, shifting expectations, it gets interesting. There's that chance it's actually a spirit possessing people. But the more likely possibility is even creepier... he's managed to invent this fantasy that explains away all the neighbors, friends, and now bar dates repelled by his insanity.

The main issue is Sarah's actions and dialogue early on. The first thing she would do is bail from the date immediately. Her casual sarcastic remarks in the face of him talking about killing deer and the like just don't work imo.

I suggest starting out with George actually being charming and interesting. Maybe there's something a little off about him, but not so obvious at first. Perhaps they were both set up on the date because they had spouses who passed recently. So it leads to a natural conversation about George's wife... till he eventually veers to crazy shit about ghosts and she bails.