Help is a perfect title, so much so that it needs a title page and a logline.

Right away I get a gray sky with clouds and a ton of camera direction. Take that opening narrative, remove about, oh let's say a little more than half of it and open the scene with the car going into the compound/Smile Sanctuary.  In losing it, you actually lose nothing.

Quoted Text The Headmistress of smile. She is tiny but well beyond her physicality at least in her opinion.

Awkward. But you mention that she's OS so how can we see her anyway? You also didn't CAP Headmistress before she speaks or after when we supposedly see her appearance.

How old are the kids? The Headmistress?

Kids staring at each other, looking around, looking at each other, look here, look there, don't knowwhat to do, look again, sizes up the headmistress, look here, look there. All "the next day" What they did the day before is anyone's guess. More looking around, perhaps? Oh, what time of day is The Next Day, by the way?


Lack of punctuation and lower case beginnings of sentences both spoken and non-spoken becomes real distracting, real fast. Mike has a fear f time. I do too. Wasting it.

Another kid has the fear of the color black.
Another the fear of food (a result of anorexia)
another making choices (what?)

INT. ROOM 1. DAYS LATER

I stand corrected. Mike's fear of time is legit.  I'd be scared too   i How many days are we talking? Two? Three? Ten? Twenty-one? Is it DAY or NIGHT?

Who is afraid of the mirror?
NO who is afraid of the commode?

That's where I stop.
But I'll hand it to you. That last phobia would be true horrors indeed.


I hope you get better with your writing.