I enjoyed this.

Definitely one of the better entries. But, I find it inconsistent. The structure needs reworked. You've got a great Twilight Zone kind of idea here: the old be careful what you wish for. So, I'd recommend playing it straight. No flashbacks. No detective. Just the story of a woman using spells to manipulate her husband... only it backfires in a most dramatic way.

I also like that you chose to go with a couple in a broken relationship. It was a nice changeup from what most everyone is doing. (Including myself.)

Obviously drop the scream on a rewrite. You don't need it. And, definitely clean up the typos, etc.

I highly recommend doing the rewrite. There's a real gem here with just a bit of reworking.

Good job.

Carla has somehow gone all through life believing that love is eternal. Or should be. And Frank seems like a loser who doesn’t deserve anybody, contrary to what he tells Carla on page 10: “You never deserved me.” Some of the lines that Carla and Frank speak sound like they’re straight from an old melodrama.

And why does Carla want Frank in the first place? We don’t see him do or say anything that would lead us to think there’s something good in him. So why does Carla believe that Frank’s “inner desires” have anything to do with her?

When she finally realizes that it’s over between them, she pushes him into the fire. Kind of harsh, but it was impulsive. But the very last line — “A sly grin creeps across Carla’s face.” — makes her seem like an evil bitch. Which she wasn’t.

I like it overall. I think the flashbacks worked well enough, and would have been even better if the payoff wasn't so weak. That last bit of dialogue was terrible. A little more subtlety and a more veiled threat against Helen would have been much more effective.

This isn't the first time she's done magic, is it? She's very comfortable with it. Maybe she knows what the spell book means, maybe she's finally ready for it to be handed down to her, but as written it seems to come out of the blue and she doesn't even know she can do magic. Except she's very connected to spirits and such, so there's something not jiving.

Considering the violence of the fight, simply pushing a paralyzed Frank into the fire was anticlimactic. If it was to make it look like an accident, then let it fool the detective. Then the twist, that Helen is going to suffer a similar fate, is more potent because the police think it's over but we know it isn't. The detective might even suggest it might be drug related, maybe there has been similar cases (and so others with this "gift"), which basically gives Carla permission to do it again. "Gee, I hope no one else in the neighborhood is using that stuff!" as she casually glances over at Helen...

Typos and grammatical issues aside, it's written pretty well and I love the tone.

thanks all - to was nice to write again and go through the pain of not knowing what to do, how to take it, can I produce something in time etc etc

Re - the scream   - I tried to use it a foreshadowing device to show the book had mystery, that carla was connected to it, that Frank wasn't,  and to a degree, pain would arise.

I appreciate most wanted more from their scream,   so to speak, but I can reassure those that thought it was an after thought, that actually quite lot was put into its use.

I may have a look at a re write. if I did I think I would expand it to have more police investigation, more background to the magic, and probably lose the party angle, but keep halloween as that tends to be a seller. And maybe keep the faint (not feint - thanks libby) scream.

thanks all for the reads - I will be bearing the comments in mind with any new version