I sound like a broken record. The line "That would make any babe clam up," is funny, like many have already said. I'm intrigued by the Osiris story so that is why I read this. Had it's moments. Descriptions could be trimmed/refined. Could picture what was happening. I know there were parameters you had to follow.

I don't have a lot of hope for this, I must admit. But here goes nothing.

Logine is weird.

Title page looks fine.

As noted above, "Halloween Night" in the opening slug is a huge mistake. That belongs in a SUPER, if at all. We might not even need this if there's decorations, costumes, or even trick-or-treaters.

How does a house shine? Is it lit?

Quoted Text Open off the living room, granite counters and stainless steel appliances accent.

What does this even mean? This clearly reads as ESL.

Your character descriptions are too beefed up. Trim the fat. Keep them lean and clean.

"Close bearded" ...?

Remains? Has his costume been disintegrated?

The first two lines of dialogue sounded like normal English, but then your next dialogue ends with a bizarre sentence.

He? I hope you mean Carl.

Why is (beat) part of the dialogue? If it must be there at all, it's should be written as a parenthetical, or as an action line to break up dialogue. As it is, this paragraph is way too long -- nine lines! Unless your character's name is Quint or Patton, I'd purge all but the first two sentences. And even then, it needs a lot of work.

This is too poor for me to continue. Sorry. I'm out on page 1.

I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but some of the stilted dialogue reminded me of thought balloons in comic books where the characters think stuff that’s too clunky to actually speak.

Did Brenda and/or Carl do something particularly egregious that was deserving of the Curse of Osiris? Or does the Curse just impact random people? Aren’t curses supposed to be “earned?” It would have made the script longer — but funnier — if the two started mining each other’s faults that might have brought down this curse on them.

And is it really a curse if, in the end, you  end up being a better person than you were before? Sure, the couple did suffer a little and have to die first, but you could probably sell this curse to a lot of people — to use on someone else, of course.

Nice little story.

Biggest problem is nothing changes in the end. They just morph into their costumes and then morph back pretty much. Perhaps have Carl be the only one to change and then hunt Brenda. Might make for a more suspenseful story.

Quoted Text What is happening to me? Am I having an onset of some disease? Some allergy to makeup? God help me!

Should've kept " What is happening to me" and cut the rest. There's a few lines where the characters re talking to themselves and say things that sound odd.