Hello writer,

I was engaged all the way up until page 8. Then it went sideways for me.  The dialogue  felt genuine, in my opinion.    I think it fell short in the horror department.  

Quoted Text Shaun smiles. She gives him a kiss, then rests her head on his shoulder. Shaun stares off for moment. Beat. Jamie notices the silence, looks up at him. Gives him a little nudge

I don't think you need the "Beat."   There is already silence built in with the stare.

Good luck!

All the best.  

Logline sounds interesting enough.

Title should be in ALL CAPS.

"an original screenplay by" sounds a tad pretentious. Just "by" is fine.

Quoted Text An empty street, illuminated by street lamps.

Redundant.

I echo what Jeff said about "CUT TO:". It isn't needed. Every transition is assumed to be CUT TO.

On a positive note, you have set up a nice atmosphere.

All of twenty-five-year-old needs hyphens.

"Cigarettes."

"He's stalling." > He stalls.

I think I know where this is going.... kind of.

How do we know it's not her voice?

WAY different direction than I expected. I thought you were gonna reveal that Jamie was dead the whole time. Some pretty good storytelling on display here. You clearly have talent. Maybe not a pro, but if you rewrite and polish it some, you can get there.

Four pages with no hint of horror. More like a drama. Then, you kick into gear and we get some horror, but it too turns into a drama. Kind of like a therapy session. I did like Jamie just standing there with her eyes rolled back into her head. In the end though, it was a couple going over if moving to suburbia was the right thing to do or not and if Shaun resented Jamie for making them do that. I think you can definitely write, but I'm guessing horror is not your favorite genre.

Great buildup for something that doesn’t happen. I would’ve liked a payoff to all the buildup. On page 8, you have Jamie telling Shaun “You resent her.” Who is this “her”? She’s obviously important, yet we learn nothing more about her. On the same page, you have Shaun just sit down and toss the gun away. For no reason. This script displays very fine writing but it’s a mini-“Waiting For Godot.” Nothing happens.