Silence is Golden by Rod Matheson - When noise deprives a cinephile of her moviegoing habits, a genie offers her silence and every movie in existence. But at what cost?

Time Enough at Last - S1E8
The Man in the Bottle - S2E2
- Short, Horror, Supernatural, Genie

Just like when Mulder wished for world peace, and everyone (including Scully), but him disappeared, we all know it's not wise to ask a Genie for things of which you may be ultimately sorry.  In that way, it works, but I found it somewhat confusing.  What does Marge having long hair signify at the end?

I thought the writing was good, but I'm not sure if I understood everything. It doesn't really live up to the log line or premise description. If I read correctly, she never officially makes a wish -- unless we can't hear the wish because of the garbage disposal. So, I was confused by that. I liked the surreal imagery with the sunglasses and her eyes missing, but I'm not sure if I understand why that was part of the genie's irony behind her wish (which, again, I don't recall her making out loud). And then ending, I just didn't understand -- the writer cut and pasted the first scene, so we see Meredith's intro description again -- but then why does Marge have shorter hair? And why does she suddenly like Nosferatu now? Didn't Meredith say she wished for things to be the same as before? Or at least the contract was null and void? I didn't get it.

Overall, it was a well-written effort. But the abstract stuff overshadowed the story and I really was a tad lost.

-- Michael

There's a lot of CAPS here, I'd calm that down a bit, Marge is capped twice too.

Her face says "Fuck you, you artless philistine!"  - that made me laugh.

There's a lot of nice visuals here and it's well written, but imho it needs some work as it doesn't currently make total sense. I.e. Meredith only says 'I wish' she doesn't detail it or anything and yet our genie says "you need to be careful what you wish for"... when she didn't wish for anything in particular... not hard to fix though.

And afraid to say the end lost me, she asks for everything to be normal but quiet, so I expected a re-run of the scene but totally silent because she'd asked for quiet. So getting a re-run where Marge now likes Nosferatu threw me.

Decent effort

Nicely written with some lovely, yet lean, bits or artistic license to brighten up the page.

And yet, I was lost. The genie's wish goes wrong, yeah that was expected, but then the genie reverses the wish and makes everything okay at the end except Marge has long hair? That seemed odd and not the type of Twilight Zone twist I remember.

-Mark

Hi writer,

This had a strange bureaucratic movie chamber in a dystopic society - Brazil or 1984 - feel to it, not entirely sure why, maybe the one room apartment, studio apartment in this neck of the woods. Which is fitting in this sense, Merideth being a cinephile is somewhat artsy in itself.

However, I don’t recall her (Meridith) wishing for anything out loud, and certainly nothing that an evil ‘turn your wish into a nightmare’ genie could use against her. Losing her eyesight is a bitch, and that resonates with the ‘Time Enough at Last’ Twilight episode, wherein he broke his glasses and is unable to read, but in this case, unable to watch movies, and with a far more gruesome outcome. Returned to normal with no explanation as to why it went hollow socket to begin with. Am I missing something?

Sorry, just can’t figure what happened here. Hopefully the writer shows and explains it after the challenge. Writing is good IMO, and this had some funny/clever lines thrown in for good measure.

Hi writer,

Had to read this one twice also.

Ok I think I get the haircuts thing with Marge now

Marge has a "Karen" haircut in the beginning, as a way to signify her lack of cultural refinement and at the end she gets "longer hair" assuming it's of a more "bookish" hairstyle, indicating that Marge is now a "connoisseur of the arts". I think that's the significance the writer was trying to make with the haircuts in the second wish?

The tone is kind of off for me... There's no horror IMHO. It feels like a dry comedy and the eyeballs popping off feel almost cartoonish, which Meredith technically never gets back into her sockets until after the FADE TO WHITE transition by way of the second wish. She doesn't seem too freaked out about it and continues to have an exchange with the Genie.

The ending falls flat for me as I don't see much rising tension and no stakes are involved. Even with Meredith's final word on the outcome of the second wish, she comes across as blase or nonchalant. Is this what she wanted? To be able to share her interest with her family members? Or does she get some sort of internal sense of superiority by knowing that she's interested in "cinema" that other people aren't as interested in.

I like the concept and can see the beginnings of a writer's distinct voice. This would do well with a rewrite to address some of the structure and clarify characterization.

All in all, good effort!

Hello writer!

A bit too overwritten for my taste - I'm not really a stickler for screenwriting "rules" anymore, I just kinda go on common sense. So unfilmables are fine with me as long as they make sense to use them.
So this for example...
"a rarity in her family"
... makes no sense to me, because who cares.

This though...
Her face says "Fuck you, you artless philistine!"
...Was both funny and visual (more interesting than just using a simple adjective)

But hey ho, that's just my opinion. others hate all unfilmables, some love them.

I would consider renaming one of them, Marge and Meredith had me doubling back to who was who - doesn't make a difference in a film but reading was hard (Maybe it's just me being an idiot)

Why isn't this listed as a comedy? was comedic to me, especially when the genie first makes an appearance. A bit confused I must say, she said "I wish" but I don't remember hearing a wish... maybe he can just tap into someones wishful desires.

The horror is almost instantly undone with a "Only kidding, wish reversed" which wasn't great, but now Marge likes movies? Think a mark has been missed somewhere.

Also, while I think about it - this confused me somewhat

Quoted Text MEREDITH A third of my life I'll never get back.

What has she done for a third of her life that she now feels is wasted?

More confusion than enjoyment but well done for getting one in.

I didn't like this and I really wanted to.

I wish Marge was more annoying and when she's either gone, or can't speak at all, Meredith doesn't enjoy it as much as she thought she would. Then she learns her lesson.

But the way you make her learn her lesson is weird and doesn't make sense.

The title is lost on me, since we never get complete silence.

Good job combining two episodes into one. Everything was going along fine until the ending. I know there is something I missed or that you intended but it was lost on me.

This is the second (or third?) episode with a Karen reference - too funny. I'd hate to have the name Karen in this day and age.

Good job, writer. Hopefully when this is over you can fill us in on what the ending meant.

I was kind of hoping that the genie was going to continue on messing around with her and her wish she didn't make. Felt like it was going to be a twisted " be careful what you wish for" type story, but in the end the genie just makes everything pretty much back to the way it was.

When Meredith said she wanted everything back to normal and quiet I thought for sure the genie would make her deaf.

Not sure what the meaning of this is, I'm taking a guess is has something to do with Meredith and her Aunt's relationship with one another. That even though she is annoyed with her Aunt's constant noise and interruptions, Meredith would still rather have her over quiet?

Anyways, good work.

The writing is fine. I can picture this. There are funny moments. I like it, for the most part. But I largely agree with the notes already given. Clarity, clarity. Overall, nice work though.

Ghost

I am not sure about this. The writing was fine but there is something missing. Perhaps you didn't want to give it a twist ending. Perhaps you wanted it to be a funny, light, happy ending kinda story. It didn't work for me ethough.

How would we see her being a cinephile is “a rarity in her family” exactly?

This house is weirdly constructed.

I don’t have much to say about this. Good take on both episodes I suppose but half the script is us watching Nosferatu.

I don’t actually understand why he eyes fall out… ? That whole scene with the genie, while familiar, wasn’t enough of a trope to just not explain things. This devil genie dude and her have a few lines and then boom, aunt Marge disappears and Meredith loses her eyes? There wasn’t even really a foreshadow line to set that up. She also never agreed to the wish even if he claims she did. That’s bull.

Usually with a genie you look back on the wish and everything is spelled out and taken literally by the Genie.

Feel like you could have easily done something with her ears, but you went with eyes for some reason to allude back to Burgess Meredith, I guess?  … just realized her name… duh.

Yeah, I don’t know. Cool framing device with the love of movies, but it needs work. Not crazy about the
happy ending either.

First two pages or three pages were really crisp. I also liked the glasses/loss of her eyes. Not sure how I feel about the genie. Maybe a little cheesy. The second ending is positive, which goes against expectations. A strong script, but the second half is not as sharp as the first part.