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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Halloween 2020 One Week Challenge  ›  Great Again - OWC
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  Author    Great Again - OWC  (currently 1351 views)
Claudio
Posted: October 30th, 2020, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
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Good writing and well done social commentary.

Reading the title and the premise, I was expecting this to be on the nose. It can be very easy to turn a story like this into an afterschool special. I think the writer wove those traffic cones well and avoided the pitfalls associated with that kind of storytelling.

Top four for me, awesome stuff.


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LC
Posted: October 30th, 2020, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
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This was a very broad interpretation on the original, but okay, I'll go with it for the theme.

Wow, another in your face title font. I don't mind deviating but this one and that other one - bit much imho.
Same author, perhaps?

Turn off your character CONT'Ds  - makes for a more streamlined read, unless you're going for writer disguise?

Like he’d seen a ghost.

Should be present tense.

Like he's seen a ghost, imh.

Something
else on his mind.

Preoccupied, perhaps?

Don't mind me. It's easy to critique another's work.

The way things go in this current climate Wendell should have surely copped the full brunt, not Lisa.

I loved Wendell's paranoia.
This was a quick easy read. I might have like it better if it was paranoia and repercussions only more in the vein of perceived insanity without the political component, but enjoyable nonetheless.



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spesh2k
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, everyone, for excusing some of the poor writing -- I normally don't like spending more than an hour or two on shorts anyway, but I really blazed through this one rather quickly and didn't proofread. I tried picking a more obscure episode but really didn't see the fun in that -- so many episodes are very general, even films and stories way before TZ's time had similar premises. So, I picked the most popular episode (and my favorite episode) and tried making it my own. I was actually watching Dave Chappelle's "Sticks and Stones" stand-up special and was cracking up at his Jussie Smollet bit and kinda just rolled with that.

Just a few responses to some comments regarding the title page: Not sure who created this myth that you're not allowed to deviate from 12 point courier font on the title page, but I've only heard it from other writers who heard it from other writers who heard about a producer tossing a script out because of the title page. I can assure you, at least in my experience -- producers and their gatekeepers (assistants/readers/interns) don't give a damn unless A) The title page looks like a collage from a 4th grade art class B) The font obviously doesn't match the tone of the genre C) It's a stupid, lame font like papyrus and D) It's difficult to read the title because of outlandish artwork/page color/font. Especially when these people are reading script after script after script, everything tends to blur together and look exactly the same. Obviously, some scripts are better written than others, but the presentation on the page is generally the same. The title page is a start-over point before they have to take a deep breath and pray that the next script their about to spend the next hour or so on doesn't suck. Maybe they care about that in screenplay competitions, but I've only entered one competition in my life, so I wouldn't know. If sticking with 12 point courier font on the title page works for you and you feel like it's risky, cool, better safe than sorry. But it hasn't affected me in the least -- my scripts get rejected because they suck lol, not because I use Gadugi 22 point font.


Quoted Text
This was a very broad interpretation on the original, but okay, I'll go with it for the theme.


Well, the premise is a guy thinks he sees something but nobody believes him because lack of credibility. Of course, seeing a gremlin on the wing would be difficult to believe, even if it were coming from someone with a level head. If I do the ACTUAL premise, it's pretty much just a rewrite. The Simpsons did a great one, but on a school bus instead. I chose the Shatner version from the show rather than Lithgow from the movie (I liked his performance much better than Shatner's) because Shatner's character was fresh off a nervous breakdown that he was hospitalized for, which affected his credibility. The Lithgow one, he simply has a fear of flying.


Quoted Text
The way things go in this current climate Wendell should have surely copped the full brunt, not Lisa.


Not sure what you mean by that, Lisa was black, too. If a black woman charged at the cops in a heated moment like, in this climate, it wouldn't shock me if excessive force was used (Breonna Taylor). And I get what you mean by "current climate" but this has been an issue since forever, long before Rage Against the Machine was making songs about it in the 90s.


Quoted Text
My only comment, minor, but I think important to Wendell's character. After he had those experiences with the cops, would he truly believe calling the cops would help him? As he tells Lisa to do it. Though the cops don't actually get involved by way of Lisa or Wendell's choice/actions, is Wendell's line to call the cops believable? Just something to think about.


Ah, good point. Was thinking of stretching this by a page or two, let the scenes breathe a bit, keep a more disciplined pace.


Quoted Text
As far as the politics go, if you're offended, you should be offended.


Well, of course I lean left, but I tried to be as in the middle as I reasonably could. Of course, having the MAGA hat a symbol of evil doesn't make it seem that way lol. I normally don't have social commentary be an obvious point in the script, but this one kinda wrote itself.


Quoted Text
Anyhoo, the gremlin was probably Trump, yes? Am I right?


I wouldn't say it was a Trump, just a figure in a MAGA hat.

Thanks again, everybody!

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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LC
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 5:25pm Report to Moderator
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Well done, Michael!

Like I said deviating from the font I don't mind at all.
Just next time pick a font I like.  

You apparently are working your way to a set of mugs just like some other show-offs.


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spesh2k
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Well done, Michael!

Like I said deviating from the font I don't mind at all.
Just next time pick a font I like.  

You apparently are working your way to a set of mugs just like some other show-offs.


Papyrus? lol

Thank, Libby!

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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eldave1
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
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Gave this a read, Michael.

Well done - enjoyable to the end.

Loved the parenthetical in this line. The relieved juxtaposed to the Karen made me laugh.

WENDELL (CONT’D)
(relieved)
Karen. It’s just you.

On the title page - you are dead bang right (other than contests of course).  I really think folks enjoy creativity on the title page and why waste a chance to set the tone of your story. I would bet my left testicle that five years from now the new standard will be to put the effing poster om the title page.

Anyway - nice job and congrats




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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spesh2k
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
Gave this a read, Michael.

Well done - enjoyable to the end.

Loved the parenthetical in this line. The relieved juxtaposed to the Karen made me laugh.

WENDELL (CONT’D)
(relieved)
Karen. It’s just you.

On the title page - you are dead bang right (other than contests of course).  I really think folks enjoy creativity on the title page and why waste a chance to set the tone of your story. I would bet my left testicle that five years from now the new standard will be to put the effing poster om the title page.

Anyway - nice job and congrats


Thanks, dude. Yeah, there's always new little things that seem to catch on in screenwriting. I've been noticing a lot of scripts with the scene headings underlined lately. I personally feel like bold-facing is enough. And back when I started doing it like 7 or 8 years ago (I really loved the presentation in Rian Johnson's scripts), people were flipping their lids about it.

Earlier during the COVID shit, back when I was reading and reviewing one feature script a day, if I just saw a regular, 12-point courier, underlined title on the title page, I kinda got nervous about reading the actual script. Maybe it's just me, but after reading feature scripts constantly, one after the other, it got really monotonous and strained the eyes regardless of the quality of the script. Seeing a different, tone-setting font on the title page felt like a break to me lol.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, man, glad you enjoyed it!

-- Michael





THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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eldave1
Posted: October 31st, 2020, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from spesh2k


Thanks, dude. Yeah, there's always new little things that seem to catch on in screenwriting. I've been noticing a lot of scripts with the scene headings underlined lately. I personally feel like bold-facing is enough. And back when I started doing it like 7 or 8 years ago (I really loved the presentation in Rian Johnson's scripts), people were flipping their lids about it.

Earlier during the COVID shit, back when I was reading and reviewing one feature script a day, if I just saw a regular, 12-point courier, underlined title on the title page, I kinda got nervous about reading the actual script. Maybe it's just me, but after reading feature scripts constantly, one after the other, it got really monotonous and strained the eyes regardless of the quality of the script. Seeing a different, tone-setting font on the title page felt like a break to me lol.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, man, glad you enjoyed it!

-- Michael





My pleasure - enjoyable


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 24th, 2020, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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My review of this great script is up on the homepage!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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spesh2k
Posted: November 24th, 2020, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
My review of this great script is up on the homepage!


Thanks again for the write-up, Anthony. Hopefully the subject matter doesn't turn too many filmmakers off.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 24th, 2020, 6:25pm Report to Moderator
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I'm sure I read this one, but I don't see my comments. Were there other scripts with the same premise?

Either way, LOTS of great shorts seem to come out of the OWCs. Hmmm... Wonder if there will be another one soon.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 24th, 2020, 6:31pm Report to Moderator
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C'mon Pia... clues!!!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 24th, 2020, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
C'mon Pia... clues!!!


I know nothing!!!

Seriously, I have not heard from Don or anyone else about another one. Would be cool with a Holiday one though.



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AnthonyCawood
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You've said it now Pia, if we don't get a Holiday OWC it would be like finding out Santa isn't real


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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