Great Again by Michael J. Kospiah (spesh2k) writing as Blank - Short, Thriller - After falsely reporting a hate crime, Wendell believes he's being followed and harassed by a mysterious man. But will anybody believe him this time? - pdf format

Nightmare at 20,000 Feet - S5E3


Writer interested in feedback on this work

Absolutely loved it! This was an awesome take on what is probably one of the best known episodes of TZ. So, was the MAGA hat guy real or just a hallucination? Will we ever know?

Nice take on the episode, very inventive.

Not sure what to make or take from the script itself - which is very well written.

Thought provoking.

Good job

Really enjoyed this one. I think it's one of my favourites. The pacing is great, the stakes increase incrementally and I feel invested reading this story. For some reason, kept imagining the MAGA hat guy's creepy smile looking like the cover of that Aphex Twin album... Richard D. James LP.

The social commentary on lived experiences works in this one.

My only comment, minor, but I think important to Wendell's character. After he had those experiences with the cops, would he truly believe calling the cops would help him? As he tells Lisa to do it. Though the cops don't actually get involved by way of Lisa or Wendell's choice/actions, is Wendell's line to call the cops believable? Just something to think about.

Also nice one to name the neighbour "Karen", haha

Amazingly well written, writer!

Target accomplished. Wendell's credibility questioned all along, the manga hat guy was real all along =nailed the original story. Expert dialogue, action blocks slightly overwritten when necessary, clean and short whenever there is no point at doing it. Loved it.
Imho, I would edit the very last scene so the cops never see the hat, although it's somewhere down there, hidden.

Ok, this reads pretty damn good. Your writing is economical, especially your action and your dialogue hits the mark, the humor too,  We're definitely in the hands of a skilled pro... no doubt about that, I liked it. I’m not saying its Mozart level genius but the story works. JMHO.  No doubt you had a blast writing this. Hats off & GL with it.-A

Howdy writer.

Wonderfully written, I was guided through the whole thing and saw everything.

Not as in love with the story as others. It wasn't bad, just didn't really interest me that much. Seems to fit in nicely with what I know of the TZ episode though (And by "what I know" I mean "What I have just read on Wiki") so a great job of hitting the criteria - not bad on the budget either.

Still, this is the best one I have read so far.

Best of luck with it

A nice take on a classic episode. Well written, easy to follow and ticks all the boxes.

My only niggle is as this focused on MAGA and a bit political, it may turn some off but it dates the screenplay. Over time, the MAGA elements will become less relevant and I'd just suggest making it more of a generic stalker as the gremlin in this tale.

-Mark

I think that this works really well under the prompt and the budget restrictions. Great story on its own without beating us over the head with the original. I see this one getting very high marks, so good job.

As far as the politics go, if you're offended, you should be offended.

Very well done. I'm on a fence whether the initial false accusation with the cops is necessary or not. I don't know why but it bothers me somehow. How would it read if he was completely innocent and without the earlier encounter? Regardless, nice work here. Great reinvention of seeing a gremlin.

Hi writer,

From what I gather, this one seems to be the flavor of the week, so okay, yeah… I see what you did there. I vaguely remember some sports icon or something-or-other dude actually trying to pull that stunt, the race incited incident so to speak. I honestly can’t remember who, what, where, when, why or the logistics behind it all so I won’t bang on.

Anyhoo, the gremlin was probably Trump, yes? Am I right? Disappeared but left his calling card. This is also a take on one of the oldest fables in existence: ‘the boy who cried orange-man’.

Definitely a unique Twilight take on the original and works well with the chosen episode.

Writing was great.

Not really enjoying the current  political issues the States are dealing with now, but they do work well with the story.

Not much else to say.

Good work.

A Trump/BLM take on Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. Inspired idea.

Your title page immediately jumps out. This is normally frowned upon.

Quoted Text Wendell meets his eyes with him - he takes a moment to nod.

Not sure "with him" is needed. Makes the sentence confusing.

Stranger things have happened.

Unlike what a certain individual believes, facts are facts.

Is this guy supposed to be a MAGA Dr. Wynn from Halloween 6?

Karen. Ha ha! Barbecue Becky?

OMG! Too soon!

*Spoilers*

So... Was it Wendell the whole time?

This was powerfully written. Not much else I can add. Great job.

Like (hopefully) everybody else in the world, I cannot wait until Trump's gone. Good riddance. Vote for Joe Biden.

Absolutely enjoyed this! Nice social commentary with solid writing.

Definitely one of my favorites.

2 topics I hope to never hear about again – Jussie Smollet and MAGA.

This is good… but I still rolled my eyes b/c I’m just so sick of the subject matter. It’s very on the nose, but I guess it has to be?

It’s a good take on a concept everyone would probably recognize even without knowing it was supposed to be influenced by the Twilight Zone episode.

I don’t have much to critique and if I keep talking, I’m just gonna end up pissing someone off (although I imagine a screenwriting message board is predominantly liberal.)

If you told me this was a pitch for the CBS all access modern version that aired 2 years ago, I’d believe it.

Good writing and well done social commentary.

Reading the title and the premise, I was expecting this to be on the nose. It can be very easy to turn a story like this into an afterschool special. I think the writer wove those traffic cones well and avoided the pitfalls associated with that kind of storytelling.

Top four for me, awesome stuff.

This was a very broad interpretation on the original, but okay, I'll go with it for the theme.

Wow, another in your face title font. I don't mind deviating but this one and that other one - bit much imho.
Same author, perhaps?

Turn off your character CONT'Ds  - makes for a more streamlined read, unless you're going for writer disguise?

Like he’d seen a ghost.

Should be present tense.

Like he's seen a ghost, imh.

Something
else on his mind.
Preoccupied, perhaps?

Don't mind me. It's easy to critique another's work.

The way things go in this current climate Wendell should have surely copped the full brunt, not Lisa.

I loved Wendell's paranoia.
This was a quick easy read. I might have like it better if it was paranoia and repercussions only more in the vein of perceived insanity without the political component, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Thanks, everyone, for excusing some of the poor writing -- I normally don't like spending more than an hour or two on shorts anyway, but I really blazed through this one rather quickly and didn't proofread. I tried picking a more obscure episode but really didn't see the fun in that -- so many episodes are very general, even films and stories way before TZ's time had similar premises. So, I picked the most popular episode (and my favorite episode) and tried making it my own. I was actually watching Dave Chappelle's "Sticks and Stones" stand-up special and was cracking up at his Jussie Smollet bit and kinda just rolled with that.

Just a few responses to some comments regarding the title page: Not sure who created this myth that you're not allowed to deviate from 12 point courier font on the title page, but I've only heard it from other writers who heard it from other writers who heard about a producer tossing a script out because of the title page. I can assure you, at least in my experience -- producers and their gatekeepers (assistants/readers/interns) don't give a damn unless A) The title page looks like a collage from a 4th grade art class B) The font obviously doesn't match the tone of the genre C) It's a stupid, lame font like papyrus and D) It's difficult to read the title because of outlandish artwork/page color/font. Especially when these people are reading script after script after script, everything tends to blur together and look exactly the same. Obviously, some scripts are better written than others, but the presentation on the page is generally the same. The title page is a start-over point before they have to take a deep breath and pray that the next script their about to spend the next hour or so on doesn't suck. Maybe they care about that in screenplay competitions, but I've only entered one competition in my life, so I wouldn't know. If sticking with 12 point courier font on the title page works for you and you feel like it's risky, cool, better safe than sorry. But it hasn't affected me in the least -- my scripts get rejected because they suck lol, not because I use Gadugi 22 point font.

Quoted Text This was a very broad interpretation on the original, but okay, I'll go with it for the theme.

Well, the premise is a guy thinks he sees something but nobody believes him because lack of credibility. Of course, seeing a gremlin on the wing would be difficult to believe, even if it were coming from someone with a level head. If I do the ACTUAL premise, it's pretty much just a rewrite. The Simpsons did a great one, but on a school bus instead. I chose the Shatner version from the show rather than Lithgow from the movie (I liked his performance much better than Shatner's) because Shatner's character was fresh off a nervous breakdown that he was hospitalized for, which affected his credibility. The Lithgow one, he simply has a fear of flying.

Quoted Text The way things go in this current climate Wendell should have surely copped the full brunt, not Lisa.

Not sure what you mean by that, Lisa was black, too. If a black woman charged at the cops in a heated moment like, in this climate, it wouldn't shock me if excessive force was used (Breonna Taylor). And I get what you mean by "current climate" but this has been an issue since forever, long before Rage Against the Machine was making songs about it in the 90s.

Quoted Text My only comment, minor, but I think important to Wendell's character. After he had those experiences with the cops, would he truly believe calling the cops would help him? As he tells Lisa to do it. Though the cops don't actually get involved by way of Lisa or Wendell's choice/actions, is Wendell's line to call the cops believable? Just something to think about.

Ah, good point. Was thinking of stretching this by a page or two, let the scenes breathe a bit, keep a more disciplined pace.

Quoted Text As far as the politics go, if you're offended, you should be offended.

Well, of course I lean left, but I tried to be as in the middle as I reasonably could. Of course, having the MAGA hat a symbol of evil doesn't make it seem that way lol. I normally don't have social commentary be an obvious point in the script, but this one kinda wrote itself.

Quoted Text Anyhoo, the gremlin was probably Trump, yes? Am I right?

I wouldn't say it was a Trump, just a figure in a MAGA hat.

Thanks again, everybody!

-- Michael

Well done, Michael!

Like I said deviating from the font I don't mind at all.
Just next time pick a font I like.  

You apparently are working your way to a set of mugs just like some other show-offs.

Quoted from LC Well done, Michael! Like I said deviating from the font I don't mind at all. Just next time pick a font I like.   You apparently are working your way to a set of mugs just like some other show-offs.

Papyrus? lol

Thank, Libby!

-- Michael

Gave this a read, Michael.

Well done - enjoyable to the end.

Loved the parenthetical in this line. The relieved juxtaposed to the Karen made me laugh.

WENDELL (CONT’D)
(relieved)
Karen. It’s just you.

On the title page - you are dead bang right (other than contests of course).  I really think folks enjoy creativity on the title page and why waste a chance to set the tone of your story. I would bet my left testicle that five years from now the new standard will be to put the effing poster om the title page.

Anyway - nice job and congrats

Quoted from eldave1 Gave this a read, Michael. Well done - enjoyable to the end. Loved the parenthetical in this line. The relieved juxtaposed to the Karen made me laugh. WENDELL (CONT’D) (relieved) Karen. It’s just you. On the title page - you are dead bang right (other than contests of course).  I really think folks enjoy creativity on the title page and why waste a chance to set the tone of your story. I would bet my left testicle that five years from now the new standard will be to put the effing poster om the title page. Anyway - nice job and congrats

Thanks, dude. Yeah, there's always new little things that seem to catch on in screenwriting. I've been noticing a lot of scripts with the scene headings underlined lately. I personally feel like bold-facing is enough. And back when I started doing it like 7 or 8 years ago (I really loved the presentation in Rian Johnson's scripts), people were flipping their lids about it.

Earlier during the COVID shit, back when I was reading and reviewing one feature script a day, if I just saw a regular, 12-point courier, underlined title on the title page, I kinda got nervous about reading the actual script. Maybe it's just me, but after reading feature scripts constantly, one after the other, it got really monotonous and strained the eyes regardless of the quality of the script. Seeing a different, tone-setting font on the title page felt like a break to me lol.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, man, glad you enjoyed it!

-- Michael

Quoted from spesh2k Thanks, dude. Yeah, there's always new little things that seem to catch on in screenwriting. I've been noticing a lot of scripts with the scene headings underlined lately. I personally feel like bold-facing is enough. And back when I started doing it like 7 or 8 years ago (I really loved the presentation in Rian Johnson's scripts), people were flipping their lids about it. Earlier during the COVID shit, back when I was reading and reviewing one feature script a day, if I just saw a regular, 12-point courier, underlined title on the title page, I kinda got nervous about reading the actual script. Maybe it's just me, but after reading feature scripts constantly, one after the other, it got really monotonous and strained the eyes regardless of the quality of the script. Seeing a different, tone-setting font on the title page felt like a break to me lol. Anyway, thanks for the kind words, man, glad you enjoyed it! -- Michael

My pleasure - enjoyable

My review of this great script is up on the homepage!

Quoted from AnthonyCawood My review of this great script is up on the homepage!

Thanks again for the write-up, Anthony. Hopefully the subject matter doesn't turn too many filmmakers off.

-- Michael

I'm sure I read this one, but I don't see my comments. Were there other scripts with the same premise?

Either way, LOTS of great shorts seem to come out of the OWCs. Hmmm... Wonder if there will be another one soon.

C'mon Pia... clues!!!

Quoted from AnthonyCawood C'mon Pia... clues!!!

I know nothing!!!

Seriously, I have not heard from Don or anyone else about another one. Would be cool with a Holiday one though.

You've said it now Pia, if we don't get a Holiday OWC it would be like finding out Santa isn't real