I like this. It was well-written. I loved the world you created here. A broken man probably seeing his own reflections everywhere. The ending was great.

If shot imaginatively, this will be a creepy story to watch.

I can’t think about this episode without thinking about the Treehouse of Horrors Krusty doll.

Very stiff opening dialogue from Lauren.

Nice job making Adam a dick so I don’t care when Winnie tries to kill him later. His dialogue isn’t great though.

EXT. MUD PUDDLE     there’s a new one

Yeah, the dialogue is very wooden in this script, sorry to say. Could have used a (between kisses) parenthetical between his dialogue to Paris. Otherwise, it just looks like you forgot to write ADAM again for the next line.

Not to keep harping on it, but “More for me. For you. And so on.” Why not just say “More for us I guess.” Or something? It just sounds more authentic and it’s shorter.

“Aw cancel your hair appointment.” Feels like unnecessary detail and again makes for clunky dialogue. If it’s a necessary detail, something like “Come on, you’re hair looks fine, just stay.” Feels like more authentic dialogue. Right now it’s essentially. “I need to do this, and you need to do this!” seems like exposition we 100% don’t need. Also delays what we’re all waiting for – Adam and the doll to clash again. We get it, he’s having an affair. No one needs to know about Paris’s plans for the day. She could have easily just left with no explanation. They could have been finishing up. No one would question that.

… but I’ll stop re-writing your script, apologies.

How did this happen? How did Paris become Winnie? Where did this witchcraft come from? There was no indication that Winnie’s face could appear on others. There wasn’t nearly enough torture from the doll to lead Adam to a psychotic break so that ending just feels like it appears out of thin air.

I don’t think this was enough of an update of the original. I mean, you could have easily done a more AI Tech doll. Are pullstring dolls even a thing anymore?

Also, what’s with the title? b/c she bit him? That was a minor moment in the script.

I apologize again if I was a little harsh and tried to re-write.

Fresh take on a classic episode, good effort.

In general, the story beats and characters felt one-dimensional and on the nose. The dialogue didn't feel natural as well. I wasn't on board for most of the story.

I think the writer really stuck the landing here. The twist was shocking enough to elevate the rest of the story. The visuals were pretty spooky as well.

Good work, I enjoyed this more than I thought I would.