Bigfoot in Love by Fernando Sucre - Short, Romantic, Comedy - Bigfoot -- 40 years old, neurotic, and still living with his parents -- goes on his first-ever (blind) date. But will it go smoothly? 9 pages - pdf, format

Code Bigfoot is a 40-year-old large, hairy ape-man. Almost seven feet. Speaking of feet, his are enormous: 24 by 8 feet. He wears glasses. He is neurotic.

He's only 7ft yet his feet are 24 x 8?

He wears glasses and he is neurotic... read lazily to me. Telling us he is neurotic doesn't do much at this stage of the story.

Code Bigfoot’s mother, MARGE (sixties), eats a bowl of cereal. She is surprisingly large, hairy, and ape-like for a woman.

Not that surprising considering she is Big Foot's mother.

Code AMY "Single white male seeking single white female. I’m forty years old and never been kissed. Never gotten a girl in my life. I admit I’m a bit scruffy looking. I hope this won’t be a problem..."

I feel that there is an opportunity to ramp up the comedy here. Lay it on thick and she's still interested makes for a harder chuckle.

I'd also like to know more about her place. For example, for even more irony, she could be allergic to pet hair. Maybe she's also OCD.

I don't feel that this story lived up to its promise or full potential. It's an excellent idea though, it just needs plenty of work. More irony and more comedy. This one will be a definite winner with more of that in the execution.

Well...I read the entire script.

OK, let's start with the positives...

The writing is suprisingly decent.  Very few mistakes/typos.

The bad news is that for me, nothing works here at all...not even remotely.  There's nothing funny here and if you picture this playing out in a filmed version, I think it would be a pretty painful watch.

Very little happens here, so any chance of humor in a crazy slapstick vein is completely lost.  The only way something like this could work, would be if you went all out for laughs and madcap slapstick sight gags.

Don't include days or the like in your Slugs - if that info is important, you'll need a SUPER.  Here, it's not remotely necessary.

Sorry, this doesn't work at all for me on literally any level, but you produced a pretty clean script in a week's time, so congrats on that.

What's an urban legend challenge without Mr. B. FOOT? A light and fun read.

Minor suggestions:

The character introductions told me what they were like when they should be showing me what they were like. "He is neurotic" is an example.

The woman in the bathroom was a convenient way to turn  Amy around. I took it as part of a tongue in cheek vibe.

And ending with a line or three on the last page just draws attention to all the space you didn't use.  Try to wrap it up at the end of a page.

Well, I thought the banter in this one was really cute.  A bit of a  "show it don't tell it" problem at the beginning (ie: just saying certain characters are neurotic, or have an Archie Bunker mentality.)  

And admittedly, swaths of this are illogical.  No, I don't mean the whole "Bigfoot on a date" bit.  That's supposed to be covered under suspension of disbelief.  I mean stuff like Amy - described as a gorgeous woman - automatically being okay with a self-described scruffy 40 year old virgin.  Why the heck would that ad appeal to her?

That said, the ending was a bit flat - but you could definitely amp this up with the bizarro jokes and create a solid comedy/fantasy piece.  All the components are there.  It just needs a bit of polish and reworking...

The story itself was a straightforward blind date, I was waiting for more action to happen at the restaurant but it never came.

It read pretty easy for a comedy and as for writing comedies you  don't need all the bells and whistles in your actions, but the outcome was predictable.

Overall though a nice effort

A bigfoot wants to find a date and puts a singles ad in a newspaper. The premise is funny. The dialog is a bit of a let down - it's not stiff or anything but not very funny for me. I'd expect them to be funnier. I liked the gay part at the beginning.

One thing I definitely did not understand is if the Bigfoot is naked all the time in this story. He says he likes walking in the woods nude and all so I thought he's nude all the time.

The ending was anticlimatic for me. You could add something here - maybe Amy has six fingers on one of her hands and Bigfoot sees it and decides against dating her because "she's weird". But this kind of thing been around. Maybe he has six fingers... and after deciding to being with Bigfoot she sees his sixth finger and becomes appalled or something. And tells him she can't date him because the sixth finger is disgusting.
At any rate, I'm thinking you need double twist here. One is - she is dating Bigfoot now. And another one - something to make us smile maybe.

Damn, sorry to say, but this needs work. Actually, not work, but just a little more wit or grit. There's not a lot here, too light, too cutesy, I don't really want to say more  without offending someone but... It just feels as if it's missing something crucial. It doesn't read like a whole script. Almost like a children's cartoon. I mean, if you think about it -- it could work as a children's cartoon. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing if that's what you were aiming for.

Could've been worse, could've been better. Not a bad effort.

As Nawazm11 said, this could be a cartoon. Even then, it needs more to the story.

I get the feeling you wanted to enter something but didn't really have the time. That would explain the off-the-top-of-my-head feel. Could be overhauled and made into something -- if you want to.

Henry

This a sweet little story.

But it definitely needs more. The dialogue isn't great and if it was humour you were going for in this one I wasn't really feeling it. Also, I thought maybe something would happen at the end to wrap it all up. But no just a "see ya later" and that's it. It needs something. For me, Bigfoot going on a date isn't enough.

Good luck.

I have to say it was well-written, but dragged at times. As a comedy, it needs to be upped a notch to truly make readers/audiences chuckle. One thing to consider is the old cliche about if a man has big hands, big feet, etc., then he must have a big... well, you know. That stereotype could be used as well. Other points to consider:
- Does he/did he have fleas?
- Does wearing clothes give him any discomfort? (chafing, funny bald spots from rubbing, etc.)
- Any "primitive" traits that set him apart from homo sapiens?
- Is it considered an intraspecies romance?
- Wouldn't his parents prefer a nice "bigfoot" girl? (A different take on the religion, race, ethnicity theme as in "Look Who's Coming to Dinner")

Best of luck.

Ian

Lots of opportunity for yuks with this one.  I think you can push the envelope with his size and his pacificity.  Might be interesting if he engenders more paparazzi or attacks.  After all, he is bigfoot.  He will be recognized.  An air of sophistication might help too.

Best
Richard

Urban Legend: Sasquatch aka Bigfoot

This has promise for a fine little sketch short. But with the cute, one joke premise, and after the waiter, the joke has no payoff. It's slightly amusing, cute...but where was the punchline? Here is a great trove to be mined-! This is Bigfoot's first date. A blind date on top of it. Remember Splash where the mermaid chows down on a plate of shrimp on her first dinner date? One would expect Bigfoot to have not the best table manners, or be even more awkward being out in public. I'm not saying that you should have that stuff in there if you wanted something different, mind you. I am saying as inspired as this might be, the piece takes a nose dive.

Why name him ALAN in caps if we are just going to call him BIGFOOT?
Time of day in the slug is fine. The day in the slug isn't. SUPER that Monday.
Works for a grin, but having a location in the WOODS and having scenes in the WOOD'S HOUSE is a little dicey.

Bigfoot in love

Wacky, but rather good title. Logline seems ok, assuming to is Bigfoot, not some just called Bigfoot etc let's see...

First slug...

EXT. WOODS - BLUFF CREEK, CALIFORNIA - MONDAY - DAY

...thats a cracker. Says pisser to me, but I haven't gone any further so could be wrong,

Finished...

Not sure what to say about this one.

Cute in part, bit surreal in others. Not sure it wholly works, but it's different.

Make this a raunchy version! Throw some smut in there!

Amy - 'Have you (giggle) got a big foot?'

Bigfoot - 'Actually no. It only clocks in at 10 inches.'   BOOM BOOM


As Jeff said, nothing wrong with the writing itself, the story just needs more oomph.

And comedy  

I suppose the urban myth/legend is just that BF might exist. Fair enough - the Bunny does, so why not.  

Formatting wise - get rid of all the exclamation marks, please! And include some apostrophes in your slug-lines where appropriate.

You definitely put your own spin on this - Big Foot Does Tinder might have been funny, then again he'd just get rejected over and over probably.  

Anyway, I found this mildly amusing - Bigfoot in Armani - 'you're not the only one' etc., and almost, kind of, touching - but a little childlike too.

When the other woman came up to Amy in the restroom I thought the plot was going to take a turn and something eventful was going to happen - but sadly it didn't except in the obvious 'give the guy a chance' even if he is Bigfoot.

I think Amy's 'I love you' was a bit thrown in, seemingly to secure an ending. And Bigfoot saying 'We should do it again!' - after she's already driven off - hmm.

And then it ended.

A very 'light' entry. Interested to know the back-story behind this one, if there is one.

I actually found parts of this, well, certain lines, very funny. I have a sense of humour that a lot of people don't get, but they hit me right on the funny bone.  

"I'm a big outdoors man and I like hanging out in the woods in the nude" tickled me. There's something very Alan Partridge about it.

The story itself was a little lacking though. It ended too abruptly, but I don't think it could've gone any further with the way it was going.

It made me smile, so thank you.

Pro's -

- Great concept.
- The image of a Bigfoot in an Arnani suit, is just too funny.
- Alan's line about him enjoying the outdoors and walking around in the nude.

Con's -

- A little too nice for me. As someone else mentioned, more appealing to kids.
- The dialogue was a little generic for me.
- A lot of opportunities for a gag were skipped over.
- Ended too abruptly.

Overall, an interesting take on the legend. Potential for something pretty great though.

Think some of the writing is a little off, but probaby due to rushing to submit to OWC, e.g. awkward phrasing and unnecessary unfilmables...

The idea is fun, like it, and some of the interactions are good too but I think there's more could be made of this, perhaps even a series of Bigfoot and social encounter type stories.

The end however didn't work for me at all I'm afraid.

Anthony

Think the 'Monday' and subsequent days would be better off as SUPERS rather than in the slugs.

Amy says she loves him after one date...Alan should run away now lol.

I thought the story was nice but it didn't really satisfy my comedy expectations.  It just didn't really go anywhere.

The concept was funny enough but the execution was a little lacking.

Good effort though.

Bigfoot in love

BIGFOOT
What goes great with Burgundy?

WAITER
Steak, sir.

^^ Good one, as if from a Belmondo movie...

Okay, you made me root for the strange outsider of course and I think with funny costumes this could be a nice short film.

Nevertheless, the ending felt uninspired. This made me also think how serious you might have taken this entry and hurt the good impression I originally got from it.

A few more jokes would be nice as well.

But as said, funny costumes and the heartbreaking outsider bonus for our lonesome Bigfoot are a pretty strong concept to start something. Kids usually like those stories too, like beauty and beast...Hunchbag of Notre Dame etc.

I like the concept.

A funny story idea.
Kept imagining Bigfoot sitting around talkin' and chillin' with his parents.

While the tongue-in-cheek comedy is perfectly clear, maybe Amy needs a reason to fall in love with Bigfoot. She just kind of blurts it out. Perhaps he needs to do something specific, maybe a sweet moment, where she sees that he is more than just a big hairy guy.  

Great dialog. Inspiring. LOL.

The story was very goofy which no doubt was the aim here. So good job accomplishing what you set out to do.

So this is written by one of the guys from Prison Break. I liked the first 2 seasons of that show but it went downhill fast after that. Back to the script…

Do we need a super at the beginning? Why did you put Monday in the slug? Is the day important?

“The mailbox reads, "Woods." So the opening slug of “woods” meant literally right? We’re in the woods at the Woods’ house. Wow, I’m confusing myself which isn't hard to do.

Did you need to describe Bigfoot? We kinda know what he looks like.

“Almost seven feet.” So he’s not seven feet. How tall is he then?

“Speaking of feet, his are enormous” Yeah, again, we kinda know this. This reads like a children’s book so far which isn’t a good thing.

“Bigfoot’s father, HAROLD” Wish you’d called him Harry.

“She is surprisingly large, hairy, and ape-like for a woman.” This line goes into pisser territory, but it also made me chuckle.

So Bigfoot is a virgin – wonder where Harold and Marge met as they’re both ape-like – must be a place somewhere – possibly central Africa.

“Single white Bigfoot” I know he’s known as Bigfoot but we wouldn’t go around calling himself that, right?

“A suburban house in an average suburban neighborhood.” It doesn’t more generic than this. Maybe this is a kid’s book and you’ve put the day in the slug again – it really isn’t necessary and if it was, then I think a super would work better.

“She has gorgeous, long, brown hair.” She must use L’Oreal – this is quite specific considering the line above.

Oh my God – Amy must be a right loser. Did she read that ad, I think it would have been more appealing if Alan had said he was Bigfoot.

“Bye, Mom and Dad.” How old is this guy again? He speaks like a child, but that keeps in tone with the story I guess.

“EXT. BRIDGES RESTAURANT

Amy arrives.”

Well that’s just a waste. You can start in the restaurant. This kind of thing never looks good on the page.

Oh man – the random woman telling Amy that the “show must go on” Nobody is seriously gonna buy that, even Yoda would struggle to convince Amy to carry on with the date.

“Aw, shucks.” It’s ending like a children’s book as well.

“Bigfoot’s big foot” Come again?

“I love you.” What!? Give that random woman from the toilets a match-making job somewhere. That’s impressive work.

It was cute and happy, I’ll give you that but this story lacked a lot of elements that make a story interesting so in that sense, it’s a fail.

Don’t get me wrong, this might do quite well on the Disney channel – it has a good message but even that theme isn’t actually played on and it develops rather easily without any obstacles for Bigfoot. He goes on a date and it goes well – the end. That’s the major issue and I mentioned it a couple of times – it reads too much like a children’s book at the moment.

Another disappointment would be the lack of humour – Bigfoot going on a date could have been really fun, but this lacks any real laughs to be honest. This one missed the marked for me.

I liked the set up of Big Foot going on a blind date but it went downhill from there for me.  It might just be down to taste, but I found the characters annoying, the story uninteresting and didn't find it funny in the slightest.

This could probably work as an animation or cartoon for a young audience but it still needs work.

Code Bigfoot is a 40-year-old large, hairy ape-man. Almost seven feet. Speaking of feet, his are enormous: 24 by 8 feet.

Hmm… yeah. That. Proofreading in the wee hours of the night, eh?  

Code AMY What in the hell? Who’s my next date? The Loch Ness Monster? The Chupacabra? WAITER The Yeti? Amy stares at the waiter and then back at Bigfoot.

Needs:

Code The Yeti leans to the side from a couple booths back, looks at the commotion down the aisle, leans back to read his paper.

LOL!  
More lost opportunity in the bathroom exchange.
Cute story. Sort of a variant of the GEICO caveman campaign.
It doesn’t really… “wrap up anything”, though. More of like a funny “that just happened” vignette.

Writing style:
Good.

Dialogue:
I loved it! I think the funniest lines were the father's.

Character:
Very believable. None of them came as flat or paper thin. Which is quite the achievement with such number of characters in a such length of a script.

Story:
I think what you got here is a beginning and a middle. I don't think the end was really an end. You could have made a great use of the remaining 4 pages room. I also didn't like that things went well just because of a stranger's advice. I wished Bigfoot played a part in her changing her mind.

Overall:
Sweet short story that left me waiting for a real ending.

On reflection, BigFoot in love gets my runner-up best character of this OWC - second to Rusty in The Bunny Man Untold - of those I read, of course.

Look what I found in my inbox, out of the blue...

(personal details deleted at request of Producer.)

Date:  Thursday, April 27, 2017 12:55 AM  


To:  Chris Bodily <****@****>  Add to Addresses


Subject:  "BIGFOOT IN LOVE" short film script  

Size:   5 KB  

Hi Chris,

I recently read your short film script called "Bigfoot In Love" on SimplyScripts.com and I thought it was very entertaining and has good production potential. I'm very interested in purchasing your script and possibly getting this short film produced.

I'm a budding independent film producer in Arizona having just wrapped production on a short thriller called "Into The Dark" and also on a vampire feature titled "Zell". I also have several other projects in talks to develop/produce. If you are interested in discussing this opportunity further, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Best regards,

xxxxxx

Producer | xxxxx

xxx-xxx-xxxx | [/quote]

The website didn't show up when I Googled it, but their Facebook and Twitter pages, etc., showed up.

Details deleted at request of Producer.

Here's their official site: xxxx

Uh, I'm not sure about this one. They appear to have one film in post (whose funding was cancelled on Kickstarter) and two in development. Some of the darker photos have compression artifacts; don't know if that's anything to sneeze at.

What's your advice? Thanks in advance.

That's great Chris, best of luck with it!

This script did make my chuckle at one or two parts, but aside from that, It didn't work for me.

Also, your slugs are too long.

Quoted from ChrisBodily Look what I found in my inbox, out of the blue... The website didn't show up when I Googled it, but their Facebook and Twitter pages, etc., showed up. xxxxx xxxxx Here's their official site: xxxxx Uh, I'm not sure about this one. They appear to have one film in post (whose funding was cancelled on Kickstarter) and two in development. Some of the darker photos have compression artifacts; don't know if that's anything to sneeze at. What's your advice? Thanks in advance.

So... what happened?

Quoted from DustinBowcot So... what happened?

I shrugged it off and told him he could do it under certain conditions, including that I retain the rights to my work, especially:

If I'm not happy with his version, I'll take it to someone else or make it myself.

Must have scared him off. Never heard another peep out of him after he first contacted me. He hasn't updated his website or socials in two years.


Here's his IMDb page:

xxxxx

I was skeptical from the get go and won't pursue him any further.

I think 16mm is better suited than digital, anyway. So maybe it's better I direct it myself.

That line of communication is very common unfortunately. At this stage, I just get happy when I recieve the “interest” email for scripts that are so old lol. Cause if you really think about it, he/she had to wade through the scripts to then decide on yours. However, they decide to forget about you once they have your consent which is mind boggling.

Good luck with it though in whatever you decide to do.
Gabe

Here's the real update to this post: I contacted Chris after reading his script because I was looking for something funny and entertaining, and thought Bigfoot In Love was exactly that. Unfortunately, he had too much baggage attached to it: only shooting on a specific format, keeping all rights to go and make it again after I've invested my sweat and money, etc... I chose to move on rather than negotiate a hostage situation. Months pass and I come across my personal cell # and email address on the internet, posted along with the message I sent Chris. I was very upset at the unprofessional behavior and emailed him to remove it. The exact email is as follows:

Hi Chris,

I reached out to you last year because I was interested in your script. My intentions were genuine, however, I chose not to pursue it.

I am writing to ask you to please remove my personal information from the discussion thread on simplyscripts. You posted the entire message I sent, along with my email address and phone number; but you made sure to hide your information.

It is best to always use discretion when handling people’s information, especially in the film industry. I trust you will take care of this matter promptly by removing the post or hiding my info the same way you hid yours.

It was posted on 4/28/17 at 7:23pm. Here’s the web link: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1424012070/s-28/highlight-/

Thanks,
- Joseph M.

In conclusion, you should always exercise discretion and tact when dealing with people in this industry. I'm a busy person in the real-world and don't always have time for social media. Therefore, I don't/care to update social media as much. Anyway, needless to say, I think I'll pass on future scripts from Chris.

Hey JM, I notice Don deleted your listed phone number a few years back.
Apologies your personal details were posted. I have deleted remaining details, email, Twitter, FB etc. for you.

Quoted from LC Hey JM, I notice Don deleted your listed phone number a few years back. Apologies your personal details were posted. I have deleted remaining details, email, Twitter, FB etc. for you.

Libby, if your intent is to delete references here - you also need to delete the IMDB link on the
10-12-2018 post. Otherwise (if you have IMDB Pro) you get all the information on JM anyway.

Quoted from eldave1 Libby, if your intent is to delete references here - you also need to delete the IMDB link on the 10-12-2018 post. Otherwise (if you have IMDB Pro) you get all the information on JM anyway.

Thanks, Dave.
Not sure how far the objection went to publicly listed credentials e.g. IMDb, but I've deleted the rest.

JM, thank you for letting me know. I would like to apologize for that oversight. I was trying to do some vetting to see if you were the real deal and/or you'd be up to my standards. I either had no idea those were your personals and assumed they were business/public, or I forgot to remove them/didn't notice. I'm not sure what happened. Sorry about that. I'll try to be more careful with people's information in the future.

I hope you'll accept my sincere apology.

Edit to add: I'm not sure I remember getting that follow-up email. It was a long time ago and my email address from back then, if that's the one I remember, expired years ago, so I have no way of checking if it went to spam or I simply forgot about it.