Damn it! I wrote an entire review and then the page crashed so I lost it all.  SO--- here's my shorthand review. Needs tightening, a bit too long, the email thing was a bit confusing.

An issue for me is the cones and tape around the drain didn't prevent her from jumping in the hole?  And who commits suicide that way?  Doesn't seem like a certainty it would do the trick.  Most drainage pipes only drop 5-6 feet below street level.

The MONTAGE INTERCUT and BACK TO SCENE don't work here because you don't identify the different scenes of the montage. Intercuts are really more for things like telephone conversations.

Started slowly for me, picked up steam at the end, but still could use with some trimming. Overall, a pretty decent effort.

Gary

Writing style:
It was good in most parts. I got few remarks:

You didn't mention the age. It was a bit confusing not to know.

Quoted Text "she could beat half of the other girls in any cheer leading tryout."

Didn't help me visualize Carmen

Quoted Text "doesn’t carry a big bat for enforcement, but it wouldn’t be a shocker if he had one somewhere close by."

Too wordy . Could have been expressed in fewer words.

Dialogue:
There was some exposition, like:

Quoted Text She thinks just because she’s new and Daddy has a good job, she thinks she’s better than the rest of us.

The characters weren't given their distinct voice. They all sounded the same to me.

Character:
The three bullies felt like three copies of the same character. Carmen was too passive I barely felt her presence in the scenes.

Story:
It was good. It had the needed atmosphere. I didn't understand the point of "15 years ago." I would complain about not taking the hammer of abuse hard enough in the toilet scene. The build up to that scene sort of fizzled when you ended it with Jessica not so-threatening line.

You didn't show the real toll of abuse on Carmen. I felt sorry for her, but not enough to care. You haven't also showed her good side, another reason why I didn't care. Carmen could be an unlikable girl herself for all I know. For the abuse of a character to attract maximum sympathy from the reader, you have to show that she deserves good things to happen to her. So when she gets abused, we root for her.

The ending gave me the "WHAT? You kidding me?" reaction. I never thought you would end such an interesting story on such low note. It didn't do the story its justice.

Overall:
You writing skills are admirable. Go easy with prolonged descriptions. Give more depth to your character and make them distinct from each other. Make the ending live up to the setup.

Is it day or night in the opening?

Oh, it’s day – strange not to have this in the exterior scene.

I think you could split your action up more – there is a lot happening which makes the read a little jarring. Yeah, the opening is a little awkward – it could be clearer as I’ve had to re-read sections.

I can tell that the writing is going to annoy me – I’m sorry but it’s hard to get through.

Wow, these girls are really spiteful – the good news is that it’s been mostly dialogue which taken away some of the concerns in the writing and made for a quick read. Is it being overblown with the girls, and how far they’re taking it?

Hard to keep track of characters here, and by the end I was a little disappointed. The mystery actually stays unsolved as well. I’m guessing she was pushed as that’s the last line and title, but she could have just been clumsy. It feels like the back end of this where the characters struggle with the guilt should have been the focus of the story but unfortunately it’s rammed into a couple of pages and the story as a whole struggles.

I have to ask why the opening slug states that it’s 15 years ago – this makes the reader think we’ll come back to present – well I did. Couldn’t you’ve of just said the year. I’m guessing there is a reason behind this decision, possibly when the urban legend started? It should also focus on particular character as at the moment, it’s all over the place and nobody stands out.

I do like the fact this was a quick read, but that was because it was mostly dialogue – I think you struggled with the action in this, possibly finishing close to deadline which gave you no room to go over it.  It was awkward and confusing at times which lead me to re-read a lot of lines. Needs some work in the writing and story for me.

This one finished in a very open-ended fashion. Not really against that, I kind of like it actually, but I’m not sure it’s earned. Some threads seem hinted at, but I can’t figure out what the hint is. Was it suggested that Carmen may have been poisoned with formaldehyde? Then a message says “HER FACE RIPPED OFF”. Huh? Was it?

In order for this to work we need to feel the weight of the unanswered questions. What does it mean for those left behind? How does it go on to affect them? We get that the most in David, but he was barely a character during the setup. Story-wise this needs to be fleshed out. Spend more time developing the characters who aren’t Carmen and paying off their roles in whatever happened. To that effect you could also spend less time on Carmen. Her character and situation come through so easily that if the end of the film revolves around her tormentors, we don’t need to spend nearly as much time with her.

Not there yet, but it's something to work with.

PUSHED

I wasn't sure about the ending and got confused by all the dialogue, especially with regards to the amount of characters.

My interpretation is that because of the chain letter some students were incited to push her. But then, on the other side, there's David who says Carmen falls herself.

I didn't understand why David joins your story as late anyway, and also I didn't truly understand his position.

I really want to know, since I liked several other aspects here like social conflicts and "inside school psychology" and stuff. I guess I leave it to the writer to clear something up later or maybe reading the others' comments makes me understand.

If it was a suicide originally, that would be crazy... She orchestrates the fire alarm and throws herself in there only to make all the bullies go insane and having Troubles with police and school in the end -- That's what I'd call making a sacrifice

Entire title page is to be plain 12 point courier, title all caps only, please.
A glib, mirthless “That just happened” kinduva story.
Eleven and a half pages of teen girl drama. Goodness.
Truth is the story, while lacking humor, gore, or excitement, is nonetheless still well written.
You nailed the culture. IMHO you just need to introduce some excitement, at a minimum. Asking people to fabricate humor is absurd, but surely you can fabricate something that gets adrenaline going.

DJ:  

Urban Legend: Carmen Winstead

Quoted Text ... to recreate an urban legend in any way you see fit. This could be any urban legend in the world, no matter how ridiculous or impossible. Please note that you are not creating a new urban legend, rather you're putting your own unique spin on an existing one.

What I considered: Albino sewer alligator, swimming cramps after eating and the one I was tempted to write about the urban legend regarding the teen pregnant with a baby octopus story. Hey---some lass giving birth to ol' Cthulhu? Priceless!

But I ran into Carmen Winstead.

It goes a little something like this

Quoted Text About 6 years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by 5 girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge the police were called. They went down and brought up 17 year old Carmen Winstead's body, the neck broke hitting the ladder, then side concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT: 2 months ago, 16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it, He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, 5 hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise, David was gone, that morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broke and his face skin peeled off. If you don't repost this saying "She was pushed" or "They Pushed her down a sewer" Then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.

There are some variations, such as "Jessica Smith" instead of Carmen Winstead.
Also, some small details are added to the legend, such as Carmen reporting or about to "snitch" on her bullies shortly before the drill. Her punishment for snitching, it seems, was on her way down, her face hit the ladder and her face was torn off, she broke her neck and she "was covered in (the) poop"

I thought about ghost Carmen dragging one of her victims to meet some doom in the sewers, with an albino alligator---

Maybe i should have stuck with Octopi birthing...

I didn't want to retread the same water I did in other things I had, such as Mallory's Friend but then a thought came. What if I deconstructed the legend itself, made some interpretation of it?

What appealed to me was that the legend had a story arc to go with it.
What led up to the death of Carmen.
The event of her grisly (and dehumanizing) death.
Vengeance from the grave!

But again, I want to try different things. So I downplayed the supernatural/ghost revenge theme. Doing this actually helped the story- as a teen (or some teens) actually witnessing the death a classmate, liked or not- would be traumatizing in and of itself. Additional guilt of not seeing warning signs, taking things lightly or simply being mean to that person before they have the accident or suicide also comes into play.

The pranks mentioned in some variations) in the UL dealt with sticking dog shit in Carmen's coat pocket. Another suggested used toilet paper hanging in her locker. There was a big emphasis on Carmen always being around feces. Her face gets ripped up/torn off. It never said what job her father took. One thing it was always said is that she was 'the new girl' and didn't fit in. It was never hinted what made her a social outcast. Her new 'friends' - the five girls - turned on her.

After brainstorming, I was halfway into writing the script and I said to myself maybe I should have stuck with Baby Cthulhu or Albino Alligator. But as I read the tale of Winstead once more, I kept getting back to the dehumanization of this character in the UL. Then it was staring at me in the face. Carmen Winst (D)EAD.
If I were to re-imagine and deconstruct this, then "Carmen" would still be new in school, but her "new" friends would be jealous of her do to her sudden rise in popularity. She doesn't fit in with "their" click. And she has eyes for one of the cutest, if not the, most popular guy in the school. And he has some attention to her because she's not bad on the eyes herself.

The times may change but the song remains the same.
No kid likes getting called out to the Principal's office, jam their day up.
Nobody likes ratting out on friends.
Pranks are disgusting and mean spirited.
Adults don't always buy the BS, but some kids think they do.

That said, I chose to stay away from the feces, I thought it was too over the top and over the top is what I was trying to avoid, even though some kid bullying/revenge pranks are sometimes Over The Top to the point where it is too easy to see that it is just that.

I wanted to find a balance.
So I invented plausible, over the top and over the edge bully pranks, disgusting and demoralizing that pushed the possible boundary.


more later

but i would like to thank folks for the great feedback, pro and con.
and Ray--now you know why I liked your feedback the most, as it was intent to stay away from the horror aspects of the story and focus more on "grounding" the tale.

Nah, yeah. You did good.
You absolutely nailed the teen drama schtick.

SCORE!