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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  opening scene problems Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    opening scene problems  (currently 827 views)
alffy
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 5:38am Report to Moderator
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Okay so I don't want to mess up the opening few scenes of my new feature but I'm unsure how to properly format them.

I have the opening scene in black and white.  Do I write this in the slug?

Then the next scene shows the previous being shown on a TV.  The TV is in the protag's house but we can't see him as he is sat with his back to us in a chair.  Do I write his name in the slug?  We venture back to the same room later so I'm confused as to whether I should include his name now.

Also the protag has a V.O. in the opening black and white scene but at the moment I have it as a MALE VOICE as he hasn't been introduced, is this right?

Not a good start I know but if this is wrong then I'll get 100 lashes off some reviewers lol.


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Matt Chisholm
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 5:58am Report to Moderator
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I think the rule with naming you characters is to introduce their name as early as possible. One thing you might want to do is try to think of a movie that introduces a character in a similar way, look up the script and see how they wrote it.

As for the black and white thing, you've got several options, for instance:

FADE IN ON:

BLACK AND WHITE IMAGE OF...

Or you could simply put it in the description, like "This scene will be in black and white." With something like this it's best to just do something simple and move on.


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rc1107
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 6:00am Report to Moderator
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Hey Anthony.

Yeah, I usually put the black and white in the slug.  I'll format it like this:

EXT. HOUSE - DAY - (BLACK AND WHITE)

And then, at the end of the scene, as a transition, I also put (END BLACK AND WHITE), again, in parenthesis.

I also like to do the same if something is being videorecorded by a lower-grade camera or if it's in slow motion.

INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY - (8MM)

Then, at the end of the scene, make sure I put (END 8MM).


As for your next question, about the protag has his back to us, I guess it depends if you're trying to hide his identity from us.  Do we see him later on and do you describe him later on in the scene anyway?

Right now, it seems like you're giving too many stage directions for a spec script.  Maybe just simply give the character his proper intro and description, and say he watches the scene on television.

The same goes with his opening voiceover.  Unless there's a reason to hide his identity because we don't find out who he is until the end of the story, just state his name in the Voiceover, since he also seems to be the narrator.

Hope this helps some.

- Mark


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Forgive
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 6:38am Report to Moderator
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http://www.scribd.com/doc/12721428/Professional-Screenplay-Formatting-Guide recommends:
(NOTE: This scene is shot in BLACK AND WHITE.), but anyway that is clear is good. This doesn't belong in the slug.

The character's name would belong in the slug if it's part of the location's description, and this won't come up on screen, so only needs to be consistent and identifyable.

As for the character, you can go with something like "From behind ..." or similar and give the name. Naming the person in the script doesn't mean the name will be seen on the screen, and the people filming are quite different to the people watching - (the actors will need their cue).

I've seen scripts where a V.O. is carried out over black with the character's name in, and then a description is given later. There's no point giving a description of someone in an 'Over Black', or if you can't see them ... people reading understand that. But once you see the character, then the description can follow.
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alffy
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 8:15am Report to Moderator
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Thanks guys.  I've altered the opening so I can introduced my Protag sooner but have still left in the initial V.O. as MALE VOICE but he is introduced moments later, so I think it reads okay.

Simon, great link and I've used their instruction for black and white.  I needed it to be black and white as the opening scene becomes an old movie playing on the Protag's TV.

It's all confusing lol.  Cheers again.


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Dreamscale
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 11:55am Report to Moderator
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Alffy, as Mark said, too much direction for a spec script, IMO.

Name and properly intro all characters ASAP unless you are trying to conceal their identities.

I'd concentrate on strong writing and story telling, as opposed to how you see it being filmed.
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alffy
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 1:17pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah I've reworked it so I introduced the character so I don't fall in to any pitfalls with format.  Don't want a bashing from you, Jeff. lol


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Dreamscale
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 1:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from alffy
Yeah I've reworked it so I introduced the character so I don't fall in to any pitfalls with format.  Don't want a bashing from you, Jeff. lol




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CoopBazinga
Posted: September 25th, 2012, 9:10pm Report to Moderator
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It does sound all very confusing, Alffy. I have to ask whether both aspects are important to the story? If not then simplify it for clarity.

I would use the character's name in the V.O and intro them almost immediately unless you're concealing them for a reason?

As for the black and white - personally would use Mark's method above and have it in the slug like I saw here -

http://www.scripttoolbox.com/scene%20headings-notations.html

But there is probably many ways to achieve this so use whichever suits you best but make sure not to confuse the reader.

Best of luck with it.
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