So far I've posted three scripts on here. Most have liked what I've written but a universal response has been: cut down on verbage...there's too much in the action lines...tighten it up.

I understand the feedback completely but I just have this odd feeling of having to learn how to write all over again.

I've cringed at this because I know how to write tightly constructed pieces.  

I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience: in my professional career I have written for newspapers, magazines, broadcast news copy and some commercials. I've written sales proposals and countless P.R. pieces.

I'm also a sports broadcaster. I've written and outlined copy for myself for radio and TV play-by-play broadcasts covering college and professional baseball, hockey and basketball.

That last part is probably responsible for my default mode of attempting to paint a verbal / word picture when I don't necessarily have to in a script.  

I'm discovering that a script is a very different animal from anything I've written. All of a sudden I feel like a person that hasn't written two sentences that make sense before.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Some of you are really young and this is all you do...some of you have made scripts the focal point of your writing whether it's your career or future or ideal vocation. But have any of you felt like you are having to learn how to write again?

Many, through feedback, gave me some tips on what to look for to edit myself. What are some other keys / rules to do that well? How much am I, as the writer, trusting the reader that they can fill the gaps to what a scene / set piece looks like?

I have a hundred such questions...I'll add more as the thread evolves.

When I writea features, the first drafts are usually 140-150 pages.  One script I wrote was originally 180 pages.  After this, I put the script away for a few weeks to clear my mind of it.  It's easier to edit/shorten things at this point.


Phil

Yeah, I've written monsters before.  Really bulky scenes with small talk and detail which I thought was necessary but really wasn't in terms of driving the script.

I've always imagined reading my script/story at a campfire.  Nobody wants to hear a novel, just a story and I'll go from there.  When I read some heavy action, I can just see some people drift off in my own little world.

Short, sweet, simple seems to be the way of action lines.  Arrive late and leave early seems to work for dialogue.  I actually remember reading a quote by a writer (can't remember who it was) that said, "If you think you've cut out too much, you're on the right track."

In addition to the suggestions above, try this...

Watch a movie and pick a few of your favorite scenes. Now, write those scenes, only describing the actions and dialogue. Not the color of the carpet or anything like that. When you think about writing screenplays as merely describing what we see on the screen, it becomes much easier to not describe how someone feels or insignificant details. Only tell us what's important.

^ Wow.  That IS  a good idea, take this dude's advice.  I'm going to.  *Bows to cinemachado*.

Yeah, 'machado, that would accelerate my learning curve.

Pia, that filter of what we see and what's important is part of what I'm wrestling with. I may need to read some action heavy scenes just to see what's included and what's left out. And, yes, what I've done (and am still doing) is hardly considered "work."

If 'machado read The Reader then I have to thank him for not calling me out directly for having a character collapse "face first on to the light brown carpeted floor"...from a (slinking under my desk now) "tan couch."

I will be sheepishly logging off now...will check back later.

All good advice and a topic I absolutely love.  I'll give more detail later. but for now, let me take Felipe's advice a step further.

A great thing to do is to grab a script...like Scream or Scream 2. read the opening scene.  Then watch the opening scene on film.  Go back and reread the script again.

You'll learn an awful lot if you pay attention and have some understandings of the difference in script and film.  See what's really important in detail and why.  See what isn't...and why.  Understand how the rule of thumb 1 page equals 1 minute of screen time works...and how you have to be careful what you write and how much detail you give to make it work.

Details can be very important.  And, they can be completely unnecessary.  Visual writing is what's key, though, overall.  Create strong, memorable visuals and the details of the scene will come automatically for your readers. It's the mundane, understood, unimportant details that you have to avoid.

Every line should be golden..in some way.  It doesn't have to move your story or plot forward and it doesn't have to be awe inspiring.  It just has to work in some way.  Make your own world and your own characters by making then have life...and reality, hopefully.

You can learn as much from reading Pro scripts as you can from reading piss poor scripts.  The Pros aren't always right, but the shit always smells like shit.  You just have to understand exactly what that smell smells like.

Some great advice given above.  I also like to think of some of my favorite movies, ones that really stick in my mind, and then find the scripts for those movies to see how the writers put it down originally on paper.   Then I'll watch the movie with the script in front of me.

For example, American Beauty is one of my favorite movies, and Alan Ball did a masterful job with that script.  I watched that movie recently with the script open and I was actually surprised at how much verbage he had in some of his action sequences, but it didn't seem over-written.

Now while I'm in the "Less is More" camp, I think there is definitely a place in some instances where you have to paint a picture for everyone, and the only way to do that is to be a little more descriptive in your action sequences.

I'm glad you stopped by Dreamie and will look forward to what else you'll post on the subject. I think the difference between script and film is an area I'm pretty ignorant of at this point. I also read your comments on "Mermaid Manifesto" and gulped when you posted that is was a "mistake" to post a script on the site before it is ready. I would have posted "oops" as a reply but it wouldn't have been clear the post would have been about what I've posted. It's clear to me now that I was guilty of that.

If there's a kangaroo court in SS then I hope you all are merciful and take in account that I'm relatively new here.

Thanks as well, Hawk. American Beauty is one of those where just enough time has passed to where that script and film would not have been in the front of my mind. I wasn't wild about that movie actually but recognize how it packed a punch and left an indelible impression. I'll look forward to breaking that down...

Not everyone writes the same.  Because some people prefer minimalism doesn't mean you are required to write that way.  Feel free to tell your story in your own words with your own voice.

What's important to remember is write down what's important.  You'll never go wrong if you write something down that's necessary to tell your story.  The hard part is recognizing what the important bits are.  

I understand this question completely - I was there about 6 months ago then all of a sudden something clicked and I had a light bulb moment, but this only happened due to countless criticisms on one script.

The first draft was 110 pgs but had too much description (people were 'nice' because they could tell I was a newb).  

Second draft was around 105 pgs - not good enough - still too much description.

Third draft was round 100 pgs - critisism backed by feedback from competition - still too much - "What?? Really??"

Finally a light bulb moment - dropped another 5pgs in the complete rewrite. It all comes down to that moment where you realize what your doing wrong.  Even had someone ask me if I had paid someone to rewrite it, which I thought was a huge compliment (Thanks again to all that helped - you know who you are)

Examples:

1st draft - CAMERA DESCENDS from a sunny blue sky to an eventful Beach.
               Waves CRASH, TEENAGERS are sun baking, CHILDREN are playing
               in the water, throwing Frisbees and making sandcastles. A few
               ADULTS are sitting on the sand, talking and watching their
               children.

2nd draft - CAMERA DESCENDS from sunny blue skies to an eventful Beach.
                Waves crash. Children play pleasantly. Teenagers sun bake. Adults sit,  
                talking among themselves.

4th draft (can't find the 3rd) - Blue skies. Teenagers sunbathe. Adults watch their  
                children play in the water.

Might not be perfect, but hey, it's an improvement. You'll know when it hits you - you just 'get it'. Good Luck!

I'd have to agree with Cinemachado.

Taking a scene from a movie, writing it as you think it should be done and then comparing it to how it's actually written in the script, gives you the opportunity to analyse where you're going wrong.

I've done this for several scenes from one of my favourites, Get Carter, and it's amazing how much writing you don't need to actually do.

Kip.

It takes practice. Write and aim for 2-3 lines max.

Keep reading scripts. A good script I've learned from is Gilroy's Bourne. Read it and watch the movie - you'd think it would be 200 pages but he gets it to about 100 pages

Off on a business trip.

I'll respond later.

Hey Ed,

Some sound advice from everyone – overwriting is something that everybody struggles with at first because we know no better. The important thing to remember is to stick to what’s fundamental to the story.

If your character has long dark hair and you go on to describe this then great. But does the character having long dark hair really matter to the overall story or is it filler.

This is a difficult skill to master because we all want to set-up characters, build the atmosphere of a scene or choreograph a fight to what we imagined it to be.

But we have to remember that we want the reader to skim through the pages and never get bored or let have their mind wander. Long overwritten action will do this and that’s when you get the feedback about being cutting down on the verbiage.

A way to do this is not only tighten the action but break it up and start a new paragraph with every new action. Remember that white space is your friend and looks nice when reading a script.

But I also want to agree with Michael that not everyone writes the same, you can overwrite but you have to be a very good writer to do it.

Best of luck to you.

On another note:

Quoted from CrusaderVoice I'm glad you stopped by Dreamie

I think we found Jeff’s new nickname!



Mmmm, comfortable. Are you as flexible and soft, Jeff. Hope you took a Dreamie on your business trip.