Quoted from Dreamscale Dave, you can write the scene as you did here, without even using the POV. You can also write it without using the Slug CONVERTIBLE, as the Convertible will be part of...or in...the master Slug - EXT DOWNTOWN STREET.  And, since it's a Convertible, you cna film /show whatever you want, without actually being "INT" - or inside the COnvertible. You also don't need to reset your scene with the coffee shop place, as it isn't important and it's also going to be within and part of the master Slug. Finally, IMO, what throws this scene off is the dialogue between the man and woman - first of all, it isn't needed, and secondly, it's insanely cheesy and cliche.  If you really want dialogue, just have Emily catch 1 line from either - the rest is already assumed and again, unimportant overall. Does that help?

I will consider it - thanks much for your help on this.

Quoted from eldave1 Interesting thought. It could be that when a scene becomes too complicated to write, in some  cases it is the scene that should simplified. I'll look at that angle. Dustin - on a side note: On this journey to enhance formatting, I read several screenplays. One of them was "Repercussions." There was a lot of good stuff there. Anyway, I jotted down some story notes as I read it. I don't know if you are still working on that project or not. If you are and are interested in the notes, I can type them up and send them to you.

That was my first attempt at a real script and the one I practised on to perfect the craft. I write a little differently now.

I'm actually in negotiations to sell it as we speak... if you've made notes I'll certainly look at them though, but if you have to go out of your way then I wouldn't want to put you out.

Congrats on the sell - sent it you ala your message box - was not much work - I had already made the notes as I read it

Quoted from Dreamscale Dave, you can write the scene as you did here, without even using the POV. You can also write it without using the Slug CONVERTIBLE, as the Convertible will be part of...or in...the master Slug - EXT DOWNTOWN STREET.  And, since it's a Convertible, you cna film /show whatever you want, without actually being "INT" - or inside the COnvertible. You also don't need to reset your scene with the coffee shop place, as it isn't important and it's also going to be within and part of the master Slug. Finally, IMO, what throws this scene off is the dialogue between the man and woman - first of all, it isn't needed, and secondly, it's insanely cheesy and cliche.  If you really want dialogue, just have Emily catch 1 line from either - the rest is already assumed and again, unimportant overall. Does that help?

Does this work better?
INT. CAR TRAVELING DOWN L.A CITY STREET - DAY

EMILY STANTON (35), attractive, short blonde hair, sings along with a love song playing on the radio.                      

She arrives at a stop light, looks to her right and sees a YOUNG WOMAN remove a ring from her finger and angrily throw it at YOUNG MAN.

Emily drives forward. She sings the love song much softer now.

She looks to her left and sees a middle aged couple sitting on a bus stop bench. They ignore each other as they wait. Emily stops singing and now merely hums the love song.

The light changes, Emily drives forward and stops at a crosswalk.  A family walks in front of Emily's car. The husband, several steps ahead of the wife and children turns back and waves angrily at his wife and kids to hurry up.

Quoted from eldave1 Does this work better? INT. CAR TRAVELING DOWN L.A CITY STREET - DAY

No, No and No. INT. CAR - DAY. Please leave it at that. Describe the travelling car in your narrative.

I've had this argument with Jeff and other likes on SS before. for some reason, my Final Draft software urges me to use CONTINUOUS at the end of my slugs.

I have no idea how to use it properly, so I just don't. I've always thought it means a tracking shot, i.e...

INT. HOUSE - DAY

Jim tries to grab her arm. She pulls away from him, storms outside.

EXT. FRONT YARD - CONTINUOUS

Jim catches up with her. She turns and spits in his face.

To me, you're telling the director how to direct. Most likely He or She will piss upon it.
EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY works just as well.

Just stick with that and I highly doubt anyone will complain.

James

Quoted from jwent6688 EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY works just as well.

What about dropping DAY there? Because there's clearly no change.

Quoted from Stumpzian What about dropping DAY there? Because there's clearly no change.

Best to keep it as DAY. Only time not to use that is when the scene is set in SPACE.

Dustin -- thanks.

Here is my rationale. If you have a bunch of consecutive scenes that are clearly DAY, why keep repeating?

I started out doing it exactly the way you say but somewhere along the line changed. Either somebody said, "Don't keep repeating DAY!!!" or I just decided myself.


Henry

Quoted from Stumpzian Dustin -- thanks. Here is my rationale. If you have a bunch of consecutive scenes that are clearly DAY, why keep repeating? I started out doing it exactly the way you say but somewhere along the line changed. Either somebody said, "Don't keep repeating DAY!!!" or I just decided myself. Henry

It can be confusing to read. The question will be that perhaps the writer has forgotten to add it. The reader won't find out till they read the scene.

IMO of course. It probably won't make the difference with a script read and resultant sale, but it might. Makes it easier for everybody to read... director, DP. The DP will need to make a shot list and it would help if they didn't have any questions. What may be obvious to you, may not be to everyone involved. Save giving people a headache and just write it in, mate.

Makes sense. Thanks.

Dave, I agree with Cleveland about your Slug in your example.

I am against using "traveling" as part of the Slug, and I'm even more against using something like, "TRAVELING DOWN L.A. CITY STREET".

Maybe you should write a horror script and name a character Jeff, so you can kill me and get it over with.  

I always stress detail, but I also always say there's a fine line, and this crosses it.

Maybe this will help...

Another thing I always stress is always being consistent with your Slugs - 100% consistent.  If you think about this and really take it to heart, it may actually help you determine what's too little and what's too much.

Consider a setting...a Slug that will be used numerous times in your script.  Now think about a similar setting that will also be used over and over and think about what sets them apart and what works for using them again and again.

If you have 2 houses that will be used repeatedly, obviously, you can't just use "HOUSE" - but, whether or not you have multiple houses, you never should be so generic anyway.

EMILY'S HOUSE, JOHNSON HOUSE, MOUNTAIN MANSION, etc - these all work and set your scene perfectly (unless for some reason you have numerous houses owned by Emily, the Johnson's, and/or numerous mountain mansions that don't have actual ownership by anyone we know).

What about cars?  CORVETTE, LEXUS, EMILY'S CONVERTIBLE, etc. - these all work and set your scene perfectly (unless for some reason you have numeruos Corvettes, Lexus', and Emily owns more than 1 convertible).

No matter where these cars drive, the above Slugs work, and that's exactly where you are (I'm talking about INT scenes right now).

But, if you add "TRAVELING DOWN L.A. CITY STREET", or the like, evey time you want an INT shot in the car, you have to use a different Slug, assuming it's in a different location.

You'll have - "EMILY'S CONVERTIBLE - TRAVELING DOWN L.A. CITY STREET", "EMILY'S COVERTIBLE TRAVELING ON ONE LANE COUNTY ROAD", "EMILY'S CONVERTIBLE - STOPPED AT BRIDGE OVERPASS", "EMILY'S CONVERTIBLE - SITTING IN CROWDED L.A. MALL PARKING LOT".

Can you imagine using all these?  Can you imagine reading them in a script?  I can't and don't want to.

Set the scene with a good solid detailed Slug, but don't go overboard.  Then, "really" set the scene with your opening passage, so we know exatly where we are, what it looks like who's there, etc.

Does that help?

Cleveland, in your example, using CONTINUOUS is incorrect, as time has elapsed from the first scene to the next one.  It's not CONTINUOUS.

And again, as I've said many times, you can lose the continuous aspect...and probably should...when you have assumed actions taking place from scene to scene.

Example...

Mike drives up in his driveway.  Shuts off car.  Grabs briefcase, gets out of car. Walks up to front door, Opens door.  Walks inside. Closes door.  Looks around front hall.  Sets briefcase down. Takes off toupee.

MIKE

Honey, I'm home!

Much better to simply show Mike driving up his driveway, and then "cutting" to inside the house, removing his toupee and telling his wife, he's home.

Henry, unless you're using a Mini SLug, you want to and need to use a Full Slug, including a time element.  Why?  Just because that's the way it is and what readers are accustomed to seeing.  As Dustin correctly points out, you don't want your reader thinking or even wondering if you made a mistake by omitting the time element.

100% consistency, if at all possible.

Quoted from Dreamscale Henry, unless you're using a Mini SLug, you want to and need to use a Full Slug, including a time element.  Why?  Just because that's the way it is and what readers are accustomed to seeing.  As Dustin correctly points out, you don't want your reader thinking or even wondering if you made a mistake by omitting the time element. 100% consistency, if at all possible.

I guess I was thinking mini slugs, as in:

EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY

STREET

SIDEWALK

That is, dropping the EXT. and TIME element in each mini, and returning to full slug only when you change to INT. or another time period.

Quoted from Stumpzian I guess I was thinking mini slugs, as in: EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY STREET SIDEWALK That is, dropping the EXT. and TIME element in each mini, and returning to full slug only when you change to INT. or another time period.

But why would you want to do that?

Using Full Slugs doesn't take up any extra space. They don't take any extra time to read, as the reader's eye and mind is trained to see what it's used to seeing in a script.  And finally, your screenwriting software will que you to use both INT/EXT and a time element, meaning, it doesn't take you any extra time as the writer, either.

I just don't understand why peeps are so against using Full Slugs, but then again, I don't understand lots of things in the world.  

I've dropped minis completely from my writing... aside from the very, very rare, LATER.

I think it's since getting involved more on the film side I see how it makes things less confusing for everybody later down the line if the full slugs are used. When looking at a script from a technical standpoint, it often helps just to have all the info there without having to backtrack to remember where they are.