(I tried to search this forum, and didn’t really find anything that helped me out. So apologies if I missed something)

I’m almost halfway through my vomit draft and was re-reading everything the other day, and I noticed something that I’ve been continuously having issues with throughout. And that’s action lines.

With scene descriptions, and scenes with just one person, I seem to have no issue with it. But my issue comes with the action lines that go in between dialogue.

There were two instances I had some trouble:

1). Say if you’re writing a comedy, and one character delivers a witty joke that is sure to incite laughter. Do I write, “John laughs at the comment” or do I assume the reader knows that John would laugh at that moment?

I know you’re not supposed to tell actors how to act, but:

Quoted Text MIKE Why did the chicken cross the road? JOHN I don’t know. Why? MIKE To get to the other side. John laughs hysterically. He quickly composes himself and glances at the clock. JOHN So, when should we get going?

sounds a lot better to me than

Quoted Text MIKE Why did the chicken cross the road? JOHN I don’t know. Why? MIKE To get to the other side. John glances at the clock. JOHN So, when should we get going?

The second example makes John come off as cold. And changes the dynamic of the scene to me.

Just trying to figure out a way to do this. As I’m writing a script, I’ve found I have a lot of SO AND SO laughs, chuckles, etc. in my script that stands out.


2). The second example is say you have two characters having a serious discussion. One character is kinda going off on a big speech. The other character is just kind of sitting back and soaking everything in.

How do you handle this?

What I’ve noticed I’ve done is I’ll break apart the lengthy dialogue from one character and in between put something like “John is silent, soaking in everything Jack says.”

But after a while, I get to the point where I was with laughs. Don’t want to feel like I’m repeating this.

Or do I just put all the character’s dialogue all at once? No matter how big of a block it turns out to be? (i.e. JACK’s dialogue taking up almost half the page with no break)

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Thanks again.

Definitely found this to be my biggest weakness so far. Been paying so much attention to other areas, I took this one for granted and it's showing. Feels like I’m name dropping too much in the action lines during scenes with multiple character and over-using the same phrases again and again.

I try to put in actions that could get the emotion across that someone is sad (i.e. wipe a tear, etc.), but finding it difficult for others.

The first one is better. In the second example the way it's written makes it seems as if the joke fell dead.

That said be careful you don't go out of your way to direct every little action your characters make in the film. It gets tedious, adds read, and comes off as amateurish. (I'm an amateur too, it's ok) Unless it's super important to the plot or would be awkward with, like your example above, try to keep direction to a min.

As to name dropping. This is an easy fix. Go back and find every action line you've stared with a name drop and rewrite it without the name firstt. Often just flip the action and name.

For example you could write your action line like this.

Hysterical laughter erupts from John before he composes himself to check the clock.

When you're writing a vomit draft you just want to get your ideas on the page so you don't always worry about making it read well.

Hope that helps.

You should always try and break up long dialogue exchanges with some action/description lines.  BUT, you should try not to have long dialogue exchanges as much as you can.

Nothing at all wrong with stating that a character laughs or whatever.  That is not directing, that's simply stating what's going on.  But again, the key is not having so much back and forth dialogue that you feel the need to continually add some sort of potentially "throw away" action line.

Just 1 more comment - I know many peeps employ the vomit draft concept, and if it works for you, that's great.  I am very much against this idea, as I feel it's more difficult to go back and try and edit and correct 1,000's of mistakes, than doing it as you write your first draft.  The longer a mistake stays in your script, the harder it gets to correct it.

And maybe more importantly, every time you make a certain writing mistake and "let it slide" because you feel it doesn't matter at the stage of the script you're in, you're making it harder on yourself to stop making those same mistakes over and over.  Once you understand the mistakes you're making, you shouldn't continue making them.

Try to avoid same phrases. There are many ways to say somebody's listening or laughing. Lots of verbs, ways of descriptions, and new creations that fit to your characters specifically are possible .

In fact, to describe the way your characters laugh, move or whatever should be a major part of their characterization on its own and show who they are.

A look into some scripts of films you like might be a good research about how the writer shows his characters and lets us identify with them even within those tiny elements, without slowing down the read and experience.

There's a second point I'd mention here: It seems you have some doubts about the structure of some characters' interactions, dialogue structure etc. A doubt usually means there's something wrong, and you shouldn't try to overshadow problems; better rework the essential flaw to your entire satisfaction as Dreamscale said.

You're right Dreamscape. I was just implying mistakes are ok to make, especially when you're starting to learn. Ideally when you get more comfortable and develop your style your scripts will start off more solid and require less edits.

And Mosby makes a good point about structure and characterization. Make sure everything in your script has a point. Either it moves the story forward or reveals character in some way. If you're having doubts then perhaps you are over writing or your plot isn't as sound as it could be.

In any case keep writing. You won't have a good grasp of what works and doesn't until you put words down on page.

Warning - I am not a trained writer - so this may be total crap. But here are my thoughts.

Quoted Text 1). Say if you’re writing a comedy, and one character delivers a witty joke that is sure to incite laughter. Do I write, “John laughs at the comment” or do I assume the reader knows that John would laugh at that moment?

John laughs, chuckles, smiles, giggles like a child, snorts through his nose, yelps in gleee - etc. are all just fine. You can do other physical things (e.g., John doubles over - hits the couch, John high fives, John has dialogue (i.e., dude - that is so hilarious). etc. that would also do.

I would add a caution. Unless you're writing a script about a stand-up comedian, IMO you really want to limit the John laughs scenarios. Sure, there may be a few instances in the story where it is dead on - and in those cases it is perfectly okay to right John laughs (or whatever). But in those cases - you need to ensure that is dead on funny. You will turn a reader off in a sec if you have a laugh for something that didn't seem justified.  I would also add - and this is just my personal taste - I find scripts funnier when I am reading something that I am laughing at rather than something that the characters are laughing at.

Quoted Text 2). The second example is say you have two characters having a serious discussion. One character is kinda going off on a big speech. The other character is just kind of sitting back and soaking everything in. How do you handle this? What I’ve noticed I’ve done is I’ll break apart the lengthy dialogue from one character and in between put something like “John is silent, soaking in everything Jack says.”

I am not necessarily a believer in the - you have to break up dialogue with action - school of thought. I won't go into detail as to why since that wasn't your focus. So, if you want to have action lines and not seem to repetitive - include them from both the character speaking and the character listening. For example , who ever is delivering the dialogue could shift forward in their seat, stand up - pace around, wipe sweat from their brow, wet their dry lips, etc. If you add action lines from both your speaker and listener - you've doubled your possibilities.  

Best of luck

Probably reiterating a bit of what's been said but doesn't hurt to restate sometimes... You should definitely not get in the habit of writing an action line or character response to every line of dialogue cause that is directing the scene - and, you need also to avoid repetition.

Think of what's happening in the scene not just by rote character nods/laughs, looks etc. A character could for example be well sick of his mate telling the same jokes over and over to impress women for example or he could be telling a joke to cheer someone up who's deathly ill - it's all about the circumstances the joke (in your example) is being told and what's going on in the story. That should guide you.

Also, as Alex said, download some of your favourite pro comedy scripts. You instincts at the moment are probably telling you you're including too much via description.

Alternately, post an example of your actual script in the Work in Progress thread and we can give you more exact feedback.

Having an action line between dialogue is fine.  If it's a joke and the character's meant to laugh, write that the character laughs.  It's a visual story after all, so the first example is 100% fine.

Thanks everyone for the responses. Definitely helped out tremendously.

And I do agree with the point about a vomit draft.

I mean, technically what I find myself doing is, writing and re-writing and re-writing an act like multiple times over the course of a week or two. Then moving on to the next until I finish. Sure, it's not a traditional vomit draft where I don't change anything, but I guess I just see it as a rough draft that I'm sure I can go back and make a lot better after having some time away from the material. If that makes any sense.