Here's a passage from the "Chronicles" screenplay aka. "Zodiac" (David Fincher).  I have the shooting script I think, or at least the penultimate draft.

Quoted Text The Man turns away. Walking back to his car. A GROAN. The Man turns. Walks back to the Corvair, reloading. Mike. Still alive.

See how it's all broken up with periods? The sentence in the middle has no subject ect.

And we've got a sentence which just says "Mike"...

How acceptable is this in screenplay format?  To me the passage was really cool, and I notice this sort of writing in a lot of action screenplays.

What are your thoughts and feelings?

For example:

Quoted Text The man SHOOTS.  Reaches for another clip.  Reloads.  Max, on the floor, STRUGGLING.

Is that sort of style frowned upon?

Zodiac's a great film, great script. At its basis a well documented story, and story is always key. People will forgive you and go along for the ride if you've got them transfixed by the story - i.e., a page-turner.

Fragments are often used in screenplays and in this case isolating (Mike.) actually accentuates the fact that at this point he is 'alive' but in a minute he won't be. It aids in the rhythm.

Have you read the script for Nightcrawler, Max? That turns industry standard on its head. Mind you Dan Gilroy directed so he can write it however he pleases.

Max, what you've quoted is "staccato" writing. Personally, I use it in my writing quite often.

I see it as a part of pure language, instead of language controlled by orthography. Especially it is used to explain something quickly. Somehow it's a colloquial expression too. Personally, I use it as the author does here; when things are blank and just happen as they would happen on screen.

You may see, the writer didn't use any detailed descriptions or adjectives as for example: The character reloads with fury in his eyes to shoot the bullet straight blah...

No, they just act.

IMO and I can't emphasize it enough; because many writers swear on prose only; it is a very strong tool to break off your own writing structure. It gives variety. At all, short sentences make long sentences strong and the other way round. Like when you cap everything it's like capitalizing nothing.

Quoted from LC Zodiac's a great film, great script. At its basis a well documented story, and story is always key. People will forgive you and go along for the ride if you've got them transfixed by the story - i.e., a page-turner. Fragments are often used in screenplays and in this case isolating (Mike.) actually accentuates the fact that at this point he is 'alive' but in a minute he won't be. It aids in the rhythm. Have you read the script for Nightcrawler, Max? That turns industry standard on its head. Mind you Dan Gilroy directed so he can write it however he pleases.

I've seen Nightcrawler and read portions of the script.  The mini-slug approach annoyed me personally, lol.

Give me a script which is full of CAPS though, like Edge of Tommorow (ALL YOU NEED IS KILL), and I drool all over it.

Weird huh?

And cheers Moby for the term, didn't know what it was called.

IMO, your example shows very poor writing.

Keep in mind that you're never sure exactly what kind of script you're looking at, when Pros are involved.

Also keep in mind that most of the Pro scripts you'll read, are not spec scripts.

IMO, spec scripts should be written as well as possible, and that includes grammar, punctuation, and everything else of the sort.

Quoted from Dreamscale IMO, your example shows very poor writing. Keep in mind that you're never sure exactly what kind of script you're looking at, when Pros are involved. Also keep in mind that most of the Pro scripts you'll read, are not spec scripts. IMO, spec scripts shou,d be written as well as possible, and that includes grammar, punctuation, and everything else of the sort.

Both examples? Or just mine?  I just wrote in the style of the excerpt, to give an example of how sentences are broken up in a pro script.

Tell me what's wrong with the excerpt though, in your opinion.

It will always come down to taste in the end. Personally, I like that writing style. Lean and without much fuss. That style works especially well for action sequences, where everything needs to pop.

Style of writing should reflect style and tone of the film.


Sometimes a long, literary style is appropriate, sometimes a short staccato style like this is.

Just like some films are very slow, with long shots of people doing little, and some films are non-stop action with a million cuts per second.

Short style, in general, is used mainly for action films or action sequences to mimic the quick editing you'd see on screen.

Although you are using words, screenwriters are not writers in the way novelists or short story writers are. You use language to mimic cinematic language...you are trying to create the impression of a visual and sonic medium. Whatever works in that capacity is fine.

My five cents: staccato writing is great (when applied in a subtle manner.)  IE: it really punches up an action sequence, but can get tiresome if used through a full script.  That said, every writer has their own style.  Pros can get away with more creativity than those who haven't "broken in."  Anyone ever read "The Babysitter?" Damn, talk about breaking major rules.  It sold quite well.  (Not all that impressed with the story, even.  But that's what happens when something gets heat.)  ) Ultimately, there are very few rules in screenwriting: KNOW proper format.  Be able to write professionally, smoothly, succinctly and intelligently.  Have a riveting story and characters, and know when you *can* get away with stylistic gimmicks.

Cheers,

--J (W)

Its the same with all writing. Your writing simply has to flow. Doesn't matter how you do it. Sometimes that will mean writing in a more staccato manner. Others will take being verbose. Just go with what comes naturally. Don't try to force it and you should be fine. Each story will often contain a mixture of different styles.

Don't over think this stuff.

Quoted from Max Both examples? Or just mine?  I just wrote in the style of the excerpt, to give an example of how sentences are broken up in a pro script. Tell me what's wrong with the excerpt though, in your opinion.

Both examples.

IMO, this goes way beyond staccato or stacking.  It's just plain wierd.

As others have correctly said, a quicker paced writing style works well in heavy action scenes.

Why, you may ask?

Well...let's just break it down to the old a single passage should equate to a single thought or action.  The quicker you're cutting between shots and the like, the less you'll see in the passage.

I don't understand why your example is all jumbled together on the same line, and then broken up where it is.  Makes no sense as presented.

Quoted from Dreamscale Both examples. IMO, this goes way beyond staccato or stacking.  It's just plain wierd. As others have correctly said, a quicker paced writing style works well in heavy action scenes. Why, you may ask? Well...let's just break it down to the old a single passage should equate to a single thought or action.  The quicker you're cutting between shots and the like, the less you'll see in the passage. I don't understand why your example is all jumbled together on the same line, and then broken up where it is.  Makes no sense as presented.

You understand why the Zodiac excerpt is jumbled together though, right?  Because it's exactly the same thing, omitting the subject from the sentence.

There's literally no difference structurally between what I wrote and the Zodiac example.

Another example:

Quoted Text Max puts his hand over hers. Looks at her. Don't move. They wait for what seems an eternity. Then...

That's the way action is written in the Zodiac script, like that.

What's wrong with the above example?  I don't think that's bad writing for a screenplay, it's clear, succinct, and gives you all you need to know without wasting any additional space.

Or something like this...

Quoted Text Max gets out. Moving around the car. Gets into the FRONT PASSENGER seat. Leaves the door ajar.

Again, you have sentences with no subject.  That example is structurally the same, with the same style of writing.

I prefer to read a screenplay with that sort of writing, because it moves super quick and everything is on-point.

I also love scripts which CAP action.

Max, each example you posted is 2 lines.  Is that really how it reads in script form?

I'm very much against omitting the subject like this, as it just doesn't make any sense why one would want to.  It can be confusing when the scene has more than 1 potential subject, which means, the writing will be different depending on that fact.

And, again, these examples do not look like spec scripts, which is what you will be writing.

But, as many often say, wrote however you want to.  Emulate whoever you choose to.  Pick whatever style you feel is the latest and greatest that has sold.  It's your choice, bro.

Quoted from Dreamscale Max, each example you posted is 2 lines.  Is that really how it reads in script form? I'm very much against omitting the subject like this, as it just doesn't make any sense why one would want to.  It can be confusing when the scene has more than 1 potential subject, which means, the writing will be different depending on that fact. And, again, these examples do not look like spec scripts, which is what you will be writing. But, as many often say, wrote however you want to.  Emulate whoever you choose to.  Pick whatever style you feel is the latest and greatest that has sold.  It's your choice, bro.

2 lines yeah.

But why can't you write a spec script in that style?  It's still the same read.  It's not like the staccato writing changes because the script is spec.

Do you like reading the Zodiac script? I personally love it, and the style.

Let me check an earlier version of the script.