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I'm writing a feature and in one part I'm having a character tell a story about what happened earlier in the script.
While telling the story the character goes back and forward about who said what. He's quoting himself and another person. Retelling a previous dialogue he just had.
Off the cuff example what it would look like:
- But that won't work. - Why wouldn't it work? - Cause it just doesn't make sense. - Yes it does. - No it doesn't. It's physically impossible.
John "But that won't work". "Why wouldn't it work?" "Cause it just doesn't make sense.""Yes it does." "No it doesn't It's physically impossible."
So, he's retelling the event and doing it by quoting a previous conversation verbatim.
How should this work in the script so the reader knows he's referring to what he said and then what the other person said.
I've noticed in subtitles when there are sentences on screen where two people talk, they are usually separated it with some kind of dash. Like:
"Where's the car? - I don't know."
The dash indicates that this line is spoken by someone else and is not a continuation of the previous person's speech.
So how does this work in script form?
Do I write it like that and use the dash. Which seems practical and simple enough. Or... do I add parenthesis to specify. (in John's voice), (in his own). Or do I just leave it with quotation marks and let the reader figure it out by the context of what the character is saying.
I don't want to clog the dialogue with stupid stuff like - he said, so I said, he came back with.
How do I tell the reader that this quote is spoken by one person and the next by another. So they can differentiate the dialogue easily and figure out that it's not a monologue spoken by the character but that he's retelling a dialogue he had with someone earlier?
So it reads easy and everything is clear. Because this scene is a bit long and the story takes a while.
Any thoughts? The dash seems to be the ideal solution.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: September 12th, 2015, 8:04am
Guest User
Can it work like this?
BOB Then he said, Go eff yourself. And she was like, suck an ass, bitch...
BOB Then he said, Go eff yourself. And she was like, suck an ass, bitch...
Its very long. I don't want to use the "he said, she said". I think it's going to be extremely difficult to read. Plus its going to ruin the flow of the dialogue and the way the character is saying it.
Its very long. I don't want to use the "he said, she said". I think it's going to be extremely difficult to read. Plus its going to ruin the flow of the dialogue and the way the character is saying it.
I agree with this... Film's a visual medium. If the story that the person is telling is really long, I would recommend at least peppering the dialogue with some kind of visual representation of the action being described.
I agree with this... Film's a visual medium. If the story that the person is telling is really long, I would recommend at least peppering the dialogue with some kind of visual representation of the action being described.
Everything has its place, imo.
I saw the movie Smoke when I was about 10-11 years old and I remember really liking the scene where Harvey Keitel tells William Hurt a story for like 10 min. I loved that scene when I was a kid and I rewatched the movie years later. I still loved it.
I saw the movie Smoke when I was about 10-11 years old and I remember really liking the scene where Harvey Keitel tells William Hurt a story for like 10 min. I loved that scene when I was a kid and I rewatched the movie years later. I still loved it.
In the comments below I see a lot of people also love the scene. And it's just 10 min of a guy telling a story. Everything works if its done right.
I still think that you can go the 'he said, she said' route. Obviously don't take it so literally. But as it's a guy telling a story to another person, then he's not only relating the story to another character but also the viewers. If the story is long then you can break it up with action. Even if it's lighting a cigarette, pouring a drink, scratching an armpit, just something to break up the long pieces of dialogue on the page. When it comes time to film, those actions may be taken away or changed.
What I mean by 'he said, she said', is that you can make it clear what's happening in dialogue without the need of fancy text.
The viewer isn't going to see that. The character has to relate the story to another character and also the viewer, neither of which will see the fancy text. So it's the character's job to make it clear through dialogue who's saying what and describe the setting.
This is exactly why a scene like this will be tough to write. I've just gone through a similar thing with my 7WC entry. I needed to deliver a lot of back story, and I did so through a Chinese character called Sushuo (which actually translates as exposition in English). I did part story and part drama where I placed it into visuals and went back and forth... and I've still had complaints about the large chunk of back story exposition even though the majority is visual.
Dialogue should flow naturally. The character must have the right personality and presence to captivate for so long on screen. Write it how the character would say it. You could even use parenthesis to change the character's voice like this...
DAVE So, they're in this bar, the two of 'em, all loved up. (fake female voice) You're the most handsome man I ever seen. (fake male voice) Why thank you sugar, I do believe I am. (normal voice) And they start making out and shit, and then...
Never understood this thread, perhaps I read over some stuff, so please correct me if I'm completely wrong and I'll delete my post. To me, most stuff here reads more complicated as things actually are.
The situation is that a character repeats/quotes something he and other characters said before.
^^Is that right?
If so, you should cheat imo. Sometimes it is the right choice to use a trick to cover problems.
Just explain the context through the action line f.e.
Scratching his head, Marvin reminds ( or quotes, recites.... Just use your own concept here) of: <colon BIG BIG TOOL
MARVIN He was at the bus station -- No, he wasn't --
In the dialogue, I'd just use double dashes to distinguish each person. We will get it 100%. Readers are readers. They understand and follow since you're not doing shit. They remind key words, even imagining the exact situation the quotations come from and who said what...
By the way, if they cannot, the dialogue/concept is wrong imo, because things are, well, forgetable.
So, in some points I'd add my approach with the description line, to what Dustin tries to say, if I get him right, to simply trust the reader with getting connections of what's happening.
It's even a rule to not underestimate the audience, and better think they're smart snd like to be challenged. Cause they are, both of it.
Just cheat a bit in the description line and you're going to be fine IMO.