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But if you want to do something different like add a funny voice then parenthesis would be the way to go. A double dash does not a mocking voice make.
Okay. In this case I'd nevertheless use the description line. If you write clear all over the script, you are not getting crucified by the reader for being a bit passive like
Sipping his beer, Marvin *(repeats the talk from earlier), imitating Carol's voice in a mocking way, and exaggerating Dave's serious replies:
MARVIN He was at the bus station -- No, he wasn't
When you're through with the above description line (used as an introduction of the situation), then the whole rest is going to be clear. No parenthesis, italics, or whatever needed. Of course my introduction is not exactly how the writer should do it; he should use his own words and describe the concept of the dialogue himself. Mine is just a lifeless pattern not worked out yet.
To me that'd be a better choice than letting us run into dialogue like what?? and presenting something odd at first sight.
* actually even no reference like that needed, ... following with "imitates" then
I'm writing a feature and in one part I'm having a character tell a story about what happened earlier in the script.
While telling the story the character goes back and forward about who said what. He's quoting himself and another person. Retelling a previous dialogue he just had.
Off the cuff example what it would look like:
- But that won't work. - Why wouldn't it work? - Cause it just doesn't make sense. - Yes it does. - No it doesn't. It's physically impossible.
John "But that won't work". "Why wouldn't it work?" "Cause it just doesn't make sense.""Yes it does." "No it doesn't It's physically impossible."
So, he's retelling the event and doing it by quoting a previous conversation verbatim.
How should this work in the script so the reader knows he's referring to what he said and then what the other person said.
I've noticed in subtitles when there are sentences on screen where two people talk, they are usually separated it with some kind of dash. Like:
"Where's the car? - I don't know."
The dash indicates that this line is spoken by someone else and is not a continuation of the previous person's speech.
So how does this work in script form?
Do I write it like that and use the dash. Which seems practical and simple enough. Or... do I add parenthesis to specify. (in John's voice), (in his own). Or do I just leave it with quotation marks and let the reader figure it out by the context of what the character is saying.
I don't want to clog the dialogue with stupid stuff like - he said, so I said, he came back with.
How do I tell the reader that this quote is spoken by one person and the next by another. So they can differentiate the dialogue easily and figure out that it's not a monologue spoken by the character but that he's retelling a dialogue he had with someone earlier?
So it reads easy and everything is clear. Because this scene is a bit long and the story takes a while.
Any thoughts? The dash seems to be the ideal solution.
It's dialogue so write it as dialogue. If the actor changes his/her voice put a wryly in (like a girl) (mimics Bob) (like a fairy).
So what do you do when there is more than one character? Use bold?
Don't be silly. Bold is used for when a word is spoken with emphasis, Dustin.
No, when the mocking speaker is mocking more than 1 character, I use italics. Nothing changes even if the character's mocking 2, and it'd occur after a conversation with either one or both mocked characters.
As an example:
Quoted Text
JOHN The board informs me that I'm up for promotion, but I need the figures in by the end of the day, so get it done, K?
CATHERINE Remember to get those party supplies into the main hall, everything has to be perfect. I'm counting on you, David.
They leave
DAVID Oh yeah, I'll get right on it. Oh, and thanks for getting those other figures in last week while I went on a bender. Yeah, no problem, John, happy to help. Yes, Catherine, I'll not only plan the party, but I'll make sure the damn thing's ready too. What am I, a freaking slave?
That's how I'd write it. Just... with better dialogue.
Richard what you've written is not a character mocking other characters, but a character placing emphasis on his own moaning. That doesn't read to me as though he is mimicking a particular voice. I prefer to keep things as clear as possible. When it is unclear what is happening then parentheses are used. I know you have an aversion to them... you believe your narrative is always good enough so you don't have to use them.
Richard what you've written is not a character mocking other characters, but a character placing emphasis on his own moaning. That doesn't read to me as though he is mimicking a particular voice. I prefer to keep things as clear as possible. When it is unclear what is happening then parentheses are used. I know you have an aversion to them... you believe your narrative is always good enough so you don't have to use them.
I disagree.
So was I, bud... descriptively sarcastic. I like detail.
Having just read your last post to make sure there isn't any sarcasm, I came across this:
When you want to add emphasis to dialogue, you underline it. Bold in dialogue would look very out of place.
To each his own. I personally enjoy making everything relevant BOLD to avoid confusion. Character intros, important locations, important props, emphatic lines, etc.
Underlining is kinda rule-book, and I threw that out the window a long time ago.
Seems a bit of a contradiction considering how you feel that parentheses are unnecessary as the dialogue should be clear without the need of pointers.
Using bold is exactly the same thing... only worse, because it isn't normal.
Bold just makes it pop off the page. No one's gonna miss a piece of text that's thicker than the rest, meaning that word presents itself clearly.
Pointers are unnecessary, yes, but making sure people don't miss the obvious is also a requirement when writing a script.
The last thing you need is for the actor playing the character to NOT say the line in the way they're meant to say it. Capitalization is another way to go about it, but I only use capitalization in dialogue when the character is annoyed and/or angry.
Typos show real passion and commitment. Grammar errors show real knowledge of the English language. Poor punctuation shows a rock solid writer who cares about what they write.
Really? WTF? Why anyone doesn't want to present themself in the best light is a complete and utter idiot.
Bold is a show. You're showing the reader that a specific word means something, rather than telling the reader a word means something. Pointers are tells.
Bold is a show. You're showing the reader that a specific word means something, rather than telling the reader a word means something. Pointers are tells.
How does bold show a reader that a voice is squeaky?
Quoted Text
As for people missing the obvious... it happens.
Pointers are used to avoid confusion on what isn't obvious. If three people are together it may not be clear who is being spoken to. Pointers are not used to point out the obvious... but the not so obvious.
And what's with the pointers are tells bullshit? With bold you would need to play a guessing game. Which of the following is more clear?
GANGSTER I've warned you over and over again. (whispers) Now, I'm going to kill your daughter.
GANGSTER I've warned you over and over again. Now, I'm going to kill your daughter.
The bold could mean anything... the reader is left to ponder the significance. Perhaps an index with all your little codes at the start of your scripts will help.
Uppercase for shouting. Bold for whispering. Italics for sarcasm. Underline for emphasis. A different colour of text for each character, therefore showing which character is being spoken to at any given time rather than having to tell the reader. Double underline for vehemence... etc, etc. Then, once your readers have learned the special code they can settle down to enjoy your script. Great plan.
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