SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 5:01pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Question regarding Active Voice Moderators: George Willson
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Question regarding Active Voice  (currently 3406 views)
Dreamscale
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 10:52am Report to Moderator
Guest User



CJ, in all honesty, it hurts me when I see that I've hurt someone else.  You may not believe that, but it is true.

I appreciate your kind words toward me as a writer.  I wish you knew the person I really am...and that's not a mean spirited bully who gets pleasure in hurting peeps' feelings.

I do enjoy a good scrap, be it verbal, in written form, or even physical, but I'm way too old for the physical altercations these days.  I actually think it's healthy to have a verbal spar, and sometimes, even enjoyable, but that's because I don't take it personally, and I always thought others didn't either, but I see that's definitely not the case here, and for that, I apologize.

I do stand behind what I preach and believe in it wholeheartedly.  There's nothing wrong with different opinions, and again, I find it very healthy and thought provoking.  We're all such different people and different view points is what makes this world go round.

I have absolutely nothing against you as a person and obviously know very little about you, but here's one thing I do know - you take things too seriously and too personally.  You must grow a thicker skin and understand how the world works,

My motto in life is "Never say die", "Never surrender", and "Never give up or give in".

I don't follow the flock and never will, and I'm proud to say that and actually live me life in that vein.

We have different view points in terms of writing and what makes for a "good script".  That's OK...that's not a bad thing.  It offers others the chance to choose for themselves, be their own thinker, and possibly blaze their own trails.

I hope you take this to heart and stay on the SS ship, as you're a valuable addition and have alot to add.

Again, my sincerest apology.  I hope you accept it.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 15 - 28
Demento
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Posts
946
Posts Per Day
0.25

Quoted from CJ Walley
I have changed as a direct result of your comments and have gradually lost confidence in altogether - and this is the thing, you (along with Dustin to an extent) terrify me, and I’ve posted with a consistent fear of your sharp rebuttals and harsh feedback since day one.


I like you CJ, but you have to grow thicker skin, man. This is the internet. This is life. You'll catch insults, criticisms if you put anything out there publicly. That's just how things work, few will care about your feeling, instead they'll try to build themselves up from your shortcomings. Can't let what anyone says get to you.

I actually like Dustin, I find him harsh but fair. I don't remember him attacking anyone unless provoked. I have no problem with him and rather enjoy his activity on this board.

Jeff on the other hand, well... I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to post in threads about "rules" with opinions that I knew would irk Jeff, in order to bait him to respond. I didn't really share those opinions 100%, I merely posted them so that he would respond. Sure enough, he would post in the thread. Usually very fast. Which I would guess, cause I know he follows those threads closely. Then I would reply with another opinion and I would go against him some more. My favorite part was that I would frequently make up quotes about what famous writers have said about rules and post them. They will contradict Jeff's opinion. My goal in this game was for him to lower himself and being with his insults. His post often contain a lot of emotions. Sure enough, he would rarely disappoint and I would crack a smile. You have to find ways to entertain yourself and make a positive out of anything negative, or anyone negative.

So, if you don't like someone. Don't stoop to their level and don't take them seriously. Realistically no one here (including me) is tremendously successful, so... it's not like anyone here is a factor. If you think someone is knowledgeable and is offering goodhearted criticisms that's trying to help you, take it. If not, disregard it and go about your day.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 16 - 28
Dreamscale
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Demento
Jeff on the other hand, well... I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to post in threads about "rules" with opinions that I knew would irk Jeff, in order to bait him to respond. I didn't really share those opinions 100%, I merely posted them so that he would respond. Sure enough, he would post in the thread. Usually very fast. Which I would guess, cause I know he follows those threads closely. Then I would reply with another opinion and I would go against him some more. My favorite part was that I would frequently make up quotes about what famous writers have said about rules and post them. They will contradict Jeff's opinion. My goal in this game was for him to lower himself and being with his insults. His post often contain a lot of emotions. Sure enough, he would rarely disappoint and I would crack a smile. You have to find ways to entertain yourself and make a positive out of anything negative, or anyone negative.





That's some funny shit, dude.  It makes me happy that I can entertain you.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 17 - 28
James McClung
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49

Quoted from Demento
Jeff on the other hand, well... I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to post in threads about "rules" with opinions that I knew would irk Jeff, in order to bait him to respond. I didn't really share those opinions 100%, I merely posted them so that he would respond. Sure enough, he would post in the thread. Usually very fast. Which I would guess, cause I know he follows those threads closely. Then I would reply with another opinion and I would go against him some more. My favorite part was that I would frequently make up quotes about what famous writers have said about rules and post them. They will contradict Jeff's opinion. My goal in this game was for him to lower himself and being with his insults. His post often contain a lot of emotions. Sure enough, he would rarely disappoint and I would crack a smile. You have to find ways to entertain yourself and make a positive out of anything negative, or anyone negative.



Quoted from Dreamscale


That's some funny shit, dude.  It makes me happy that I can entertain you.


Ha! This worked out splendidly! Love it!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 18 - 28
eldave1
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95
Shame that you are leaving CJ as I thought you often had good insight. This place is tame - at least based on other sites I have seen. IMO - it's the differences of opinion here that makes it interesting - polite unanimity would be boring and I would have never learned as much as I did. Anway - good sailing to you. Hope to see you back one day.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 19 - 28
DustinBowcot
Posted: July 9th, 2016, 2:12am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Let's just throw away all the rules... nobody is allowed to give their opinion unless it agrees with CJ's... because, as we all should know, his is the only opinion that is right. Anyone not agreeing with that is a troll, egoist or con artist that are either putting other writers down, self serving or just after your money.

People have opinions, sometimes they write those opinions down in books and sell them so that others can read and dwell on them. They're not holy books that you must adhere to or you go to screenwriter hell. It's up to you to use what makes most sense to you and the style you write with. But without those opinions being there, we can never know whether we agree with them or not. Indeed, some would never learn anything.

I learned a lot from Blake Snyder's book, but I don't use it as a bible. I took what I needed from it and moved on. If that was nothing, then I wouldn't have considered him a con man, merely somebody that I just didn't agree with. There's no need to be insulting.

Wanker.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 20 - 28
KevinW
Posted: August 7th, 2016, 8:21am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
3
Posts Per Day
0.00
Hello there,

It is my first post, and I am kinda worried. (I have to admit, I haven't read all the answers to the question)

Do you know that these sentences do not mean EXACTLY the same?



Quoted Text
A man sits behind his desk, working on a laptop.

The audience does not perceive the whole act of working on a laptop


Quoted Text
A man sits behind his desk, works on a laptop.

This sentence has, according to the rules I've learned at University in Heidelberg(Germany), my majors are History and English, several issues.
1) It is not a correct sentece --> the simple form after a comma needs a pronoun ( maybe English isn't that much about rules, though, but that's what Uni teaches its students in Germany ...)
2) If fixed the sentence describes the following:
The man sits there and starts to work, only when the camera hits him and stops before we (assuming we are the audience) are taken away from the scene. The whole act of working on the laptop is presented.

--> this is a small difference in meaning. But it COULD be a decisive one ...

About script-style I do know nothing at all, however in term papers the message mostly is "avoid progressive forms".
I personally like progressive-forms. They suggest, well, progress ...

  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 21 - 28
DustinBowcot
Posted: August 7th, 2016, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I don't really know what you're trying to say here. I'm a native English speaker and the sentences read fine to me. Are you suggesting that we must indicate that the laptop belongs to him? It's just a laptop as far as the screen is concerned. Perhaps in more prose-like writings we would use a pronoun, but for the screen, we train ourselves to only write what can be translated to the screen. For all intents and purposes we don't need to declare ownership unless we can do so visually.

However, certain leeway is given, as in the sentences above a pronoun is used to show who owns the desk. Ideally we would write, A man sits at a desk, works on a laptop.

That is the most active way to write the sentence, IMO. The comma replaces the conjunction 'and'. It may be a little sketchy. I actually don't like it in this instance, although it does work, I'd still rather use the conjunction 'and'.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 22 - 28
eldave1
Posted: August 7th, 2016, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95
Concur with Dustin


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 23 - 28
KevinW
Posted: August 8th, 2016, 2:39am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
3
Posts Per Day
0.00

Quoted from DustinBowcot
I don't really know what you're trying to say here. I'm a native English speaker and the sentences read fine to me. Are you suggesting that we must indicate that the laptop belongs to him?

Nope, I'd say my, that the sentence SHOULD read

Quoted Text
A man sits behind his/a desk, he works on a laptop
The missing "he" right after the comma bugs me (not that my english is by any means perfect or something like that, maybe it's just our professors who try to make us follow rules too hard)


Quoted Text
It's just a laptop as far as the screen is concerned. Perhaps in more prose-like writings we would use a pronoun, but for the screen, we train ourselves to only write what can be translated to the screen. For all intents and purposes we don't need to declare ownership unless we can do so visually.

"A man sits at a/his desk, he works on a laptop" can be translated to the screen, exactly the same way as "AA man sits at a/his desk, works on a laptop" ?  


Quoted Text

However, certain leeway is given, as in the sentences above a pronoun is used to show who owns the desk. Ideally we would write, A man sits at a desk, works on a laptop.
  This sentence seems fine, I think ...


Quoted Text

That is the most active way to write the sentence, IMO. The comma replaces the conjunction 'and'.
A mere comma cannot replace an 'and' in English, according to what I've learned (again, I am not saying my english is better than yours, a wise woman once said "The native speakers are always right", sadly she wasn't a professor but a first semester student ....) In terms of replacing 'and' we have learned a semi-colon is ',and' and vice-versa.

Quoted Text

It may be a little sketchy. I actually don't like it in this instance, although it does work, I'd still rather use the conjunction 'and'.

I'd probably go for my sentence, but I think that's a style question.

And thanks for the reply, I think from your answer I have already learned something.
--> Script style vs. Prose Style vs. scientific writing


Quoted Text
but for the screen, we train ourselves to only write what can be translated to the screen.

THANKS for that obvious statement (that is not irony!) I have to admit, I started my script because people told me they could imagine it in visual form, so I jumped right in. Regarding screenplay writing style, I have not the slightest idea about that. The formatting is fine, as long as Amazon-storywriter uses the correct standard. (That's a different topic, though, so let's stick to the topic )

Again, as I'm worried this might be insulting... I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings or doubt one's capability to write/speak proper english, maybe I am totally off, or it might be irrelevant.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 24 - 28
DustinBowcot
Posted: August 8th, 2016, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



You're confusing irony with sarcasm.

Your example I would write as two sentences.


Quoted Text
A man sits behind his/a desk, he works on a laptop.



You don't need to write 'he' in the second part of the sentence as the subject (the person the sentence is about) has not changed.

I also don't like the 'works' part of that sentence. I would be more specific and use 'types'. As it stands the image is too ambiguous. Working on a laptop could also mean that he is fixing it.

I haven't taken anything you've said as insulting. So long as the image is clear then this is the most important thing. Most people would read 'works on a laptop' as they typing on it... so it would probably suffice... although on an edit we really should seek to make the images as clear as possible to the reader. We should also endeavour to make the action read as quickly as possible. This means we can get away with missing out words like 'and' and replacing them with a comma.

It's not a general rule. You can't replace every 'and' with a comma... but there occasions when we can and do.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 25 - 28
eldave1
Posted: August 8th, 2016, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95
Again, this is fine - although I would add you could even make it more specific. Just as an example.

A man sits at desk furiously tapping the keys of a laptop.

This might show he was agitated.

OR

A man sits at desk methodically tapping the keys of a laptop.

This might show he was calm.

OR

A man sits at desk pecking the keys on a laptop.

This might show he was not computer savvy.

The point being, you can add other useful descriptors to set a tone.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 26 - 28
TonyDionisio
Posted: August 8th, 2016, 10:27pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
Tennessee
Posts
768
Posts Per Day
0.20
Now you're writing, Dave. Spice it up!

A man slaves over a desk. Aching fingers lumber across clicking laptop keys.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 27 - 28
eldave1
Posted: August 9th, 2016, 9:42am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95

Quoted Text
A man slaves over a desk. Aching fingers lumber across clicking laptop keys.


Like it - perfectly describes me while writing


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 28 - 28
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Screenwriting Class  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006