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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Does this structure work? Moderators: George Willson
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Steven
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 9:12am Report to Moderator
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I'm constantly going through different ways to execute my feature. This is what I've come up with. I won't list out the beats, but just how the story will be told.

4 different stages of the main character's life (ages 10, 16, 21 and 30). For each time period, I want to start off with the payoff, and then go back and explain how things got this way.

Here's an example, from age 10. I start with 10 year old Danny, with the help of his father, finding his mother unresponsive from pain medication abuse. Then I go back and show the days/events leading up to that point.

Breaking Bad did it and it worked, but that was a series with a lot of little events before the flash forward in the intro to each season. I just really want to get away from a straight up linear structure. I also don't want to start off with present day (age 30) because that will take away from what I'm showing in the past.

What I had in my mind, regarding how this should play out, would be show the intro to the event, but end on a bit of a cliffhanger type moment, go back and show what led to this, then pick up AFTER the cliffhanger moment. So there would be no repeating scene.

For my opening, I have 10 year old Danny knocking on his mother's bedroom door, his backpack on, exclaiming that he's going to be late (for school). She doesn't respond, he goes to the phone and calls his dad, tells him that he needs to come home, AGAIN. Then cut to something completely unrelated, days/hours/whatever before this. After getting back to the present, I show what happens when Danny's dad gets home.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:15pm Report to Moderator
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I think it could work and prove to be effective in it's difference - but the trick will be to make sure it's very clear in the script exactly what is going on.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Steven
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:23pm Report to Moderator
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Think of Breaking Bad, I'm assuming you've seen it (I'll explain if you haven't).

The show did this a few different times, during a season opener, there would be an obvious flash forward, then cut back to whatever the present time was. In this case, not every flash forward was related to the present events leading up to the time of the flash forward...sounds like a mouthful.

One particular instance, in the final season, it opens with Walt (main character) sitting at a diner, celebrating his birthday. We know time has jumped forward because he wasn't this age in the prior season. Plus, he's using a driver's licence from a different state. Throughout the season, we see the continuation of this scene all the while the present stuff plays out.

So, my point is that I want my character to be in the middle of something, tease a little bit, then back off and show how this came to be.

In the example I shared, Danny's mom is addicted to pain pills. We only know in the beginning that she is unresponsive to her son. From there we go back and I introduce her, and go through her relationship with her son, husband and her own mother. This will lead up to how she got addicted to the pills in the first place.

The continuation of the intro scene will then play out. What follows next will be another incident but jumping Danny ahead in years to the age of 16. This is essentially Act 2, and will be the meat of the story since this was the most traumatic age for him.

The overall story here is how Danny deals with his mother over the years. Obviously since it starts at age 10, and ends at age 30, he will deal with her differently. Maybe he was naive in the beginning, then felt some resentment, then anger, and eventually forgiveness as he grows older and has children of his own...in fact, that is exactly what will happen.

Danny is the main character, the mother will be the cause of every incident throughout each age.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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I've seen some of Breaking Bad, and I get the examples and understand what you are trying to achieve... but you are describing watching Breaking Bad as opposed to writing/reading the script.

So the trick will be in making sure it is clear in your script what is happening and when it is happening... might be worth seeing if you can find some examples of how people have done this in scripts... or see what Trottier advises.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Steven
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:38pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
I've seen some of Breaking Bad, and I get the examples and understand what you are trying to achieve... but you are describing watching Breaking Bad as opposed to writing/reading the script.

So the trick will be in making sure it is clear in your script what is happening and when it is happening... might be worth seeing if you can find some examples of how people have done this in scripts... or see what Trottier advises.


The only thing I'm not clear on is if I should literally tag the scene heading with flash-forward. Manchester By The Sea use "X Years Ago--" and then "Present--" multiple times throughout the screenplay. That could work, and it's probably the easiest way to do things.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:46pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, that sort of thing, so it is absolutely clear to whoever is reading it what is happening and when... making sure someone who may be looking to produce understands exactly what's going on is the key.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Steven
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:49pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Yes, that sort of thing, so it is absolutely clear to whoever is reading it what is happening and when... making sure someone who may be looking to produce understands exactly what's going on is the key.


For argument's sake, I'll probably just tag it similarly to what Manchester by The Sea did. Honestly I don't need the formatting of the flash forward to be anything special, just something to indicate the break of time.

What I need to make sure of is to come up with a clever way to NOT repeat the same part of the scene I tease in the beginning of each "chapter," or whatever you want to call it.
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eldave1
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Yes, that sort of thing, so it is absolutely clear to whoever is reading it what is happening and when... making sure someone who may be looking to produce understands exactly what's going on is the key.


Agree - the holy grail here is clarity


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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leitskev
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 4:03pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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I'm working on a biopic script with a similar structure. Mine only has 3 parts though.
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Steven
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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I know Moonlight did this as well, though different subject matter and that script was completely linear, I believe.

This is what I'm going for:

Age 10 - ignorance, confusion.
Age 16 - anger, frustration.
Age 21 - resentment/hatred.
Age 30 - understanding/forgiveness.
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BSaunders
Posted: April 7th, 2017, 10:19pm Report to Moderator
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Any structure works IF done right.

The idea of 4 stages in life definitely sounds intetesting. Something I would like to read/watch.

First thing that came to mind was Moonlight, but with a different tone, theme and execution as a whole, your story could really stand out on its own.

Give it a go and see how it turns out. I'd be keen to give it a read if you like?
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Steven
Posted: April 8th, 2017, 12:07am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BSaunders
Any structure works IF done right.

The idea of 4 stages in life definitely sounds intetesting. Something I would like to read/watch.

First thing that came to mind was Moonlight, but with a different tone, theme and execution as a whole, your story could really stand out on its own.

Give it a go and see how it turns out. I'd be keen to give it a read if you like?


Thanks.

I'll post thr age 10 stuff tomorrow in the work in progress thread. This originated as An Accomplishment, which is also in the work in progress thread. I've changed some things like the entire POV of the film, so I should probably delete that.

Either way, I'll post something.
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Steven
Posted: April 10th, 2017, 11:09am Report to Moderator
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If anyone is interested, here is the thread with the first 10 pages following this structure.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-workinprogress/m-1491835671/
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khamanna
Posted: April 10th, 2017, 11:32am Report to Moderator
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Mr. Nobody has a very complicated structure but I can't say that the movie lost me.
But I agree with those who compare watching a movie like that to reading a movie like that. Oh, yeah, I'm totally on board with Anthony on this. Clarity is the king.
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Steven
Posted: April 10th, 2017, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
Mr. Nobody has a very complicated structure but I can't say that the movie lost me.
But I agree with those who compare watching a movie like that to reading a movie like that. Oh, yeah, I'm totally on board with Anthony on this. Clarity is the king.


The script for Manchester By The Sea laid out the past and present very clearly, the movie didn't do that very well, at all, but it was still easy to follow. I'm not a director, but if I was, I'd be hard-pressed to decide which demographic I'm aiming toward. Meaning do you give them all the info (showing the flashback text on screen) or do you cater to the other half and NOT give any indication (other than dialogue) that you're in a different time period?

In my case, I'm tagging the past and present with "The Past" and "The Present." I'll leave it this way until I can think of something more clever. I'm not using "Super:" at all, either.
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