Quoted from Pleb I've heard it said that you can have too many montages in a film but that's bullshit; you can never have too many montages!

Of course!

In case anyone's curious, the montage in question is on page 60 here.

Checked it out - it's clear - there is some stuff you don't need IMO.

Here's w hat you have:

Quoted Text INT/EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MISHAPS MONTAGE A series of brief images related to mishaps near Glazier and Artisan items, but none of them implicating the manufacturer with any liability. 1. A glass I.V. bottle hangs beside a hospital bed. A label in large block letters reads “Keep out of direct sunlight.” The bottle is, of course, bathed in sunlight from the window. TIME-LAPSE: the drug discolors as it drips into the patient. SUPER: Chicago, Illinois - 1957 2. A commercial building’s basement window along a city street has “Help Me!” written on the inside in lipstick, right next to an empty bus shelter. A bus pulls up, splashing mud all over the window. Several RIDERS disembark from the bus, but none sees the mud-covered message. SUPER: Newark, New Jersey - 1968 3. A team of HIJACKERS (20s) train pistols on the PASSENGERS and CREW of a commercial jet. One Passenger knocks over a paperback book, and a jittery Hijacker SHOOTS out a glass window. Chaos erupts within the cabin, and the pilots start an emergency dive from which they probably won’t recover. SUPER: Caribbean Sea - 1974 4. VOLUNTEER (1 cleans a testing table in a tropical field hospital. The bare skin above his glove touches Ebolainfected blood that seeped all the way up a glass pipette. SUPER: Kikwit, Zaire - 1995 5. MOTHER (26) pushes a baby carriage, stops at a busy street corner. She glances up at the “Don’t Walk” sign during an ebb in the traffic, then tends to her fussy baby. The light behind “Don’t” fizzles out, leaving just an orange “Walk” illuminated. Mother pushes the carriage into the crosswalk, followed by HONK and BRAKES.

MONTAGE - SERIES OF MISHAPS

1)  A glass I.V. bottle hangs beside a hospital bed. A label
in large block letters reads “Keep out of direct sunlight.”

SUPER: Chicago, Illinois - 1957

The bottle is, of course, bathed in sunlight from the window.
The drug discolors as it drips into the patient.

2)  A commercial building’s basement window along a city
street has “Help Me!” written on the inside in lipstick,
right next to an empty bus shelter.

SUPER: Newark, New Jersey - 1968

A bus pulls up, splashing mud all over the window.

Several RIDERS disembark from the
bus, but none sees the mud-covered message.

3) A team of HIJACKERS (20s) train pistols on the PASSENGERS
and CREW of a commercial jet.

SUPER: Caribbean Sea - 1974

One Passenger knocks over a paperback book, and a jittery Hijacker SHOOTS out a glass
window.

Chaos erupts within the cabin, and the pilots start
an emergency dive from which they probably won’t recover.

4) A VOLUNTEER (1 cleans a testing table in a tropical field
hospital. The bare skin above his glove touches

SUPER: Kikwit, Zaire - 1995

Ebola infected blood that seeped all the way up a glass pipette.

5) MOTHER (26) pushes a baby carriage, stops at a busy street
corner. She glances up at the “Don’t Walk” sign during an ebb
in the traffic, then tends to her fussy baby.

The light behind “Don’t” fizzles out, leaving just an orange “Walk”
illuminated. Mother pushes the carriage into the crosswalk,
followed by HONK and BRAKES.


Basically, I didn't think you needed the opening explanation and I like the SUPER in the middle of the action rather than at the end so the reader is not confused as to which one it belongs to. But I understood what you wrote - so it may be just fine as is.

Thanks, that is an improvement. I see that you even found a way to include an
orphan.

Quoted from FrankM Thanks, that is an improvement. I see that you even found a way to include an orphan.

Orphans are essential to any good montage