SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 17th, 2018, 9:05am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
October OWC Who Wrote What and Writers Choice
And the Hyper Epic pick is...

The Night Gallery 7WC Scripts

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Dialogue Heavy Romantic Drama Moderators: George Willson
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Dialogue Heavy Romantic Drama  (currently 140 views)
Steven
Posted: November 7th, 2018, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Southern California
Posts
601
Posts Per Day
0.58
We're all familiar with the "Before" trilogy, right? I'll assume so.

Following in that lane, I'm in the process of writing something similar and I wanted to get a couple of opinions. It's a simple story, but I wanted to gauge some reactions off of what I have so far...

Vince - 40, slight male patterned baldness and basically average looking. He's walking in a southern California airport terminal minding his own business when he runs into-

Susie - 30s but could pass for younger, is a few paces ahead of him going in the same direction. She drops something and Vince picks it up and returns it to her.

Some typical banter will follow, then they realize they're going in the same direction and going to the same gate. Ultimately going to the same location-

Las Vegas.
____________________________

Here's where I'd like some opinions. Would it be too much of a coincidence if they happen to be sitting next to each other? To avoid this I could pick up the story with Vince in his seat, and Susie comes up struggling with her overhead compartment luggage. Vince would help her and there we go, sitting next to each other and the ice is broken.

They're both going to Vegas for different reasons, we don't learn Susie's actual reason until later on. I want to follow them over the course of the flight and overnight, ending in the morning. The conversation will evolve from strangers meeting for the first time to two people with the urge to become romantically involved.

I've written about 11 pages so far, but the events leading to Vegas are different than I explained, and not as realistic as this.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
LC
Posted: November 7th, 2018, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
2841
Posts Per Day
0.77
I love dialogue heavy romcoms. Look no further than Annie Hall (we get inner dialogue as well), and When Harry Met Sally, (friends at first, well, actually they don't like each other) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind - (they meet on a train).

Public transport is that great meeting place, the grocery store probably a less glamorous second.

https://www.deseretnews.com/ar.....-study-suggests.html

But then there's this contrived meet-cute gone wrong scenario:
http://digg.com/2018/planebae-viral-airplane-couple-meetcute

Personally I'm not a huge fan of the Before trilogy. I find it a bit tedious and rambling where I wanted it to be desperately romantic. Having said that there's a compulsive element to watching them, kinda like a book you're reading that you can't put down just because you have to know how it ends, but then the end doesn't justify the means... But the story still stays with you.

Anyway, your question focused on 'would it be a coincidence if they're sitting next to each other'? Well, yeah it would, but it won't matter one bit really if the dialogue that follows and the story hooks me. Sure, It's been done before, as has the overhead compartment scenario, the screaming kids scenario, and 'can you switch seats with me so I can sit with my husband, Mum, friend' etc.

It was done also in Red Eye with nefarious motives in mind. Good example of an airport meet-cute turned sinister.

Be good to come up with something inventive...

Will let you know if I think of anything unique.

Vegas? Hmm, not enamoured with that setting, but again it depends on what you do with it. And your character intros are a little on the dull side   just being honest.

Looking forward to reading some of it.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 8
Steven
Posted: November 7th, 2018, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Southern California
Posts
601
Posts Per Day
0.58

Quoted from LC
I love dialogue heavy romcoms. Look no further than Annie Hall (we get inner dialogue as well), and When Harry Met Sally, (friends at first, well, actually they don't like each other) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind - (they meet on a train).

Public transport is that great meeting place, the grocery store probably a less glamorous second.

https://www.deseretnews.com/ar.....-study-suggests.html

But then there's this contrived meet-cute gone wrong scenario:
http://digg.com/2018/planebae-viral-airplane-couple-meetcute

Personally I'm not a huge fan of the Before trilogy. I find it a bit tedious and rambling where I wanted it to be desperately romantic. Having said that there's a compulsive element to watching them, kinda like a book you're reading that you can't put down just because you have to know how it ends, but then the end doesn't justify the means... But the story still stays with you.

Anyway, your question focused on 'would it be a coincidence if they're sitting next to each other'? Well, yeah it would, but it won't matter one bit really if the dialogue that follows and the story hooks me. Sure, It's been done before, as has the overhead compartment scenario, the screaming kids scenario, and 'can you switch seats with me so I can sit with my husband, Mum, friend' etc.

It was done also in Red Eye with nefarious motives in mind. Good example of an airport meet-cute turned sinister.

Be good to come up with something inventive...

Will let you know if I think of anything unique.

Vegas? Hmm, not enamoured with that setting, but again it depends on what you do with it. And your character intros are a little on the dull side   just being honest.

Looking forward to reading some of it.


I'm going with airport en route to Vegas. They meet at the gate while sitting together. Susie is frantically looking for something her in bag and Vince asks what's wrong. She says her boarding pass is missing, then the realize they're aisle mates.

It's a red eye flight to Vegas, each of them have motives as to why Vegas and why such a late flight. That comes out later.

Since you brought up dull introductions, I have a question about that. I could easily write a multi-sentence, flowery description that would include something about their personality but isn't that a "show and don't tell" type of thing? I understand sometimes you're writing for the person reading the script, not the person watching the film.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 8
LC
Posted: November 7th, 2018, 6:48pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
2841
Posts Per Day
0.77
Character description is a whole other topic.

And no, I'm not suggesting you write a 'flowery' overloaded wardrobe-list description, but rather something that indicates character right off the bat.

'A bit bald' and 'could pass for younger' - no offence but you may as well just stick with name and age.

Some of the best character descriptions I've read have some 'tell' to them, while still being short and sweet. Don't be afraid of a bit of 'tell'. No one will care if the story and dialogue that follows is great. Read some romcoms, download script pdfs from these writers - Nora Ephron, Woody Allen, Greta Gerwig, Diablo Cody.

https://writeandco.com/character-intros-make-readers-fall-love/

Tips abound.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 8
Steven
Posted: November 7th, 2018, 7:16pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Southern California
Posts
601
Posts Per Day
0.58

Quoted from LC
Character description is a whole other topic.

And no, I'm not suggesting you write a 'flowery' overloaded wardrobe-list description, but rather something that indicates character right off the bat.

'A bit bald' and 'could pass for younger' - no offence but you may as well just stick with name and age.

Some of the best character descriptions I've read have some 'tell' to them, while still being short and sweet. Don't be afraid of a bit of 'tell'. No one will care if the story and dialogue that follows is great. Read some romcoms, download script pdfs from these writers - Nora Ephron, Woody Allen, Greta Gerwig, Diablo Cody.

https://writeandco.com/character-intros-make-readers-fall-love/

Tips abound.


I get what you're saying, plus I started on the new draft and added to the description of Vince. Thanks.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 8
eldave1
Posted: November 9th, 2018, 11:44am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3806
Posts Per Day
2.43

Quoted from Steven


Here's where I'd like some opinions. Would it be too much of a coincidence if they happen to be sitting next to each other? To avoid this I could pick up the story with Vince in his seat, and Susie comes up struggling with her overhead compartment luggage. Vince would help her and there we go, sitting next to each other and the ice is broken.

They're both going to Vegas for different reasons, we don't learn Susie's actual reason until later on. I want to follow them over the course of the flight and overnight, ending in the morning. The conversation will evolve from strangers meeting for the first time to two people with the urge to become romantically involved.

I've written about 11 pages so far, but the events leading to Vegas are different than I explained, and not as realistic as this.


Difficult to answer without knowing the nature of your characters, My gut vote = too much of a coincidence.  Not so much that they are sitting next to each other on a plane - BUT - that they are AND happen to run into each other in the terminal. i.e., if they just met on the plane - fine, happens all the time.

But you may be missing a golden opportunity for your hero to take action. Lets say they meet in the terminal - blah, blah, blah.

When they Board - he goes to a first class seat - her to Coach. Damn - our couple is far apart.

He looks back towards coach, sees her sitting, headphones on - staring out the window. He sees a young soldier in uniform sitting next to her. He goes back, offers the young soldier a switch - his first seat for his coach seat - a thank you for his service. Soldier says he's fine - Your guy insists - I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE - fine, fine - they'll switch.  Your girl doesn't really catch what's going on cause she has the ear buds in.  OR - anything that really has him taking action to get the seat next to her.  That way you lose the coincidence, add a moment that can be comedic and have your protag taking action towards his goal.

Along those lines, why not make his original flight to Vegas a stop over - i.e., he's supposed to go to New York or something - But he's going to stay in Vegas - pursue this thing.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 8
Steven
Posted: November 12th, 2018, 8:50am Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Southern California
Posts
601
Posts Per Day
0.58

Quoted from eldave1


Difficult to answer without knowing the nature of your characters, My gut vote = too much of a coincidence.  Not so much that they are sitting next to each other on a plane - BUT - that they are AND happen to run into each other in the terminal. i.e., if they just met on the plane - fine, happens all the time.

But you may be missing a golden opportunity for your hero to take action. Lets say they meet in the terminal - blah, blah, blah.

When they Board - he goes to a first class seat - her to Coach. Damn - our couple is far apart.

He looks back towards coach, sees her sitting, headphones on - staring out the window. He sees a young soldier in uniform sitting next to her. He goes back, offers the young soldier a switch - his first seat for his coach seat - a thank you for his service. Soldier says he's fine - Your guy insists - I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE - fine, fine - they'll switch.  Your girl doesn't really catch what's going on cause she has the ear buds in.  OR - anything that really has him taking action to get the seat next to her.  That way you lose the coincidence, add a moment that can be comedic and have your protag taking action towards his goal.

Along those lines, why not make his original flight to Vegas a stop over - i.e., he's supposed to go to New York or something - But he's going to stay in Vegas - pursue this thing.


Damnit those are a couple of good ideas. Thanks for the advice.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 8
eldave1
Posted: November 12th, 2018, 10:34am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3806
Posts Per Day
2.43
No prob


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 8
Steven
Posted: November 12th, 2018, 12:17pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Southern California
Posts
601
Posts Per Day
0.58

Quoted from eldave1
No prob


I'm gonna work on it today, will post something.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 8
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Screenwriting Class  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006