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The internet makes research a lot easier. I remember having to go to the library and read books that I wasn't allowed to take home. Now, that information is at my fingertips almost anywhere I happen to be in the world (that has internet).
Thanks Jeff, I thought that's what you meant (but wasn't sure) and wholeheartedly agree.
The resources on the Net certainly have made our jobs easier. I still check out tons of books from the library on a regular basis though, so thank God with Kindle et al they haven't shut down, least not in my neck of the woods.
Jeff, you're no shrinking violet. Get on and give feedback on that horror short.
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Bloody hell it's quiet around here. Be good when another OWC is in the pipeline.
I'm with Steven on adding bits to help give an actor, propmaster, director or reader a fuller picture of how the writer sees this story and its world... just don't over-do it. I'm okay with mentioning something that doesn't bear directly on the story (making it technically unfilmable) so long as it isn't pointless.
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
We come back to the mugging still in progress, and a SHADOW falls across the scene. A brave soul who will intervene, a ray of light in a dark world, a savior from the despair of a decaying city.
Actually, it's just ROBBIE (19) who thought he dropped his hat here. Robbie retreats as silently as he can, but attracts the Mugger's attention anyway.
We come back to the mugging still in progress, and a SHADOW falls across the scene. A brave soul who will intervene, a ray of light in a dark world, a savior from the despair of a decaying city.
Actually, it's just ROBBIE (19) who thought he dropped his hat here. Robbie retreats as silently as he can, but attracts the Mugger's attention anyway.
Uhhh...is this serious, or an example of what not to write? I'm serious, no matter what Pro script it's from.
I'm with Steven on adding bits to help give an actor, propmaster, director or reader a fuller picture of how the writer sees this story and its world... just don't over-do it. I'm okay with mentioning something that doesn't bear directly on the story (making it technically unfilmable) so long as it isn't pointless.
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
We come back to the mugging still in progress, and a SHADOW falls across the scene. A brave soul who will intervene, a ray of light in a dark world, a savior from the despair of a decaying city.
Actually, it's just ROBBIE (19) who thought he dropped his hat here. Robbie retreats as silently as he can, but attracts the Mugger's attention anyway.
I'm with Steven on adding bits to help give an actor, propmaster, director or reader a fuller picture of how the writer sees this story and its world... just don't over-do it. I'm okay with mentioning something that doesn't bear directly on the story (making it technically unfilmable) so long as it isn't pointless.
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
We come back to the mugging still in progress, and a SHADOW falls across the scene. A brave soul who will intervene, a ray of light in a dark world, a savior from the despair of a decaying city.
Actually, it's just ROBBIE (19) who thought he dropped his hat here. Robbie retreats as silently as he can, but attracts the Mugger's attention anyway.
My take...
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
Darkness envelops the area, including the souls of the inhabitants residing in the make-shift cardboard shelters tucked between dumpsters and fire escapes.
An innocent WOMAN, after taking one too many wrong turns, trembles at the business-end of a knife held by one of these dark-souled residents.
Foot steps approach from behind the woman. The knife-wielding man's eyes shift to what's behind her. He can only see a figure. The faint steps turn to heavy thuds and the figure grows in stature.
The figure is ROBBIE. He bumps into the terrified woman, completely ignoring the tears which stream down her face and accumulate in a small puddle at her feet.
Near that puddle is a fedora-type hat. Robbie picks it up and places it on his head, adding a little tilt toward his brow.
He walks away as the woman's stare follows him.
Robbie stops, twists his head back but doesn't turn around completely.
He grabs the brim of his hat and nods before vanishing deeper into the alley.
We come back to the mugging still in progress, and a SHADOW falls across the scene. A brave soul who will intervene, a ray of light in a dark world, a savior from the despair of a decaying city.
Actually, it's just ROBBIE (19) who thought he dropped his hat here. Robbie retreats as silently as he can, but attracts the Mugger's attention anyway.
As examples of how not to write, which were in fact written as such, I'm impressed! These are horrendous! I think I could stomach the former for longer, even though it's hacky drivel (which is generally my main objection to asides/unfilmables, NOT rule breaking).
As examples of how not to write, which were in fact written as such, I'm impressed! These are horrendous! I think I could stomach the former for longer, even though it's hacky drivel (which is generally my main objection to asides/unfilmables, NOT rule breaking).
Its funny that this is considered such a contentious topic (like most technical stuff) yet I reckon most of us agree with the moderation opinion. Both approaches are equally viable within a script and can be used in conjunction with one another. Some parts will call for brevity, others require a few more "flowers".
Its funny that this is considered such a contentious topic (like most technical stuff) yet I reckon most of us agree with the moderation opinion. Both approaches are equally viable within a script and can be used in conjunction with one another. Some parts will call for brevity, others require a few more "flowers".
Right, but there are examples where there's a ton of flowery action on each page.
Right, but there are examples where there's a ton of flowery action on each page.
Exactly, and it seems, just from the small sample size of this thread, that most can get on board with the moderation approach. A bit of this and a dash of that.
I think when it comes to flowery writing, in order to pull it off successfully, you have to be able to write very good prose. The more you write, the more your deficiencies will becomes apparent. A reader's mileage with your overwritten script hinges on this. I know, this is all 101 stuff.
Of course, there are some readers who just don't want to read flowery stuff at all regardless of its craft.
Does anyone remember Peter Fedorenko on this site?
Exactly, and it seems, just from the small sample size of this thread, that most can get on board with the moderation approach. A bit of this and a dash of that.
I think when it comes to flowery writing, in order to pull it off successfully, you have to be able to write very good prose. The more you write, the more your deficiencies will becomes apparent. A reader's mileage with your overwritten script hinges on this. I know, this is all 101 stuff.
Of course, there are some readers who just don't want to read flowery stuff at all regardless of its craft.
Does anyone remember Peter Fedorenko on this site?
And unfortunately sometimes those readers work for the producers that might be interested in your script.
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