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This was recommended to me and, in turn, I recommend it to you.
I read this one straight through without stopping. This was a real page turner. The basic premise is a man wakes up in a coffin. He's unsure who did this to him or why.
The script is not without it's faults. Big blocks of text. Long, sometimes ludicrous dialogue. Lots of tell rather than show and loads of unfilmables.
Nevertheless. it does the most important thing that a story should do: it keeps you hooked and doesn't let go.
I'm about 25 pages in, and I can say this without hesitation:
If this script were posted on SimplyScripts, people would tear it apart. There is A LOT of telling and not showing.
While I think the idea is quite interesting, I can see it getting kind of stale (it already is). I really hope it does pick up; as I do give the writer credit for confining the script to one location.
Oh, and the character of JABIR is offensive on so many levels.
I'm about 25 pages in, and I can say this without hesitation:
If this script were posted on SimplyScripts, people would tear it apart. There is A LOT of telling and not showing.
I just read it (fast read, by the way) and I can agree with that statement.
I thought it worked pretty well, suspense-wise, and never felt like things were dragging. The writer definitely deserves kudos for not only keeping the script confined to one location, but for making that location about 7' x 2' x 2'.
Just finished it and it left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I would be willing to bet any amount of money that this script has some rewrites in its future; particularly related to the ending.
There were a few suspenseful parts but all in all, it became kind of repetitive as it went on.
I think the biggest problem I actually had with it was the dialogue; especially Dan's dialogue (like his heartfelt monologue).
Ryan Reynolds will definitely add a lot to this film, but I think I'd be very disappointed if this draft makes it to production.
As I was reading it I was thinking about the comments this would get if posted on SS.
"Ryan Reynolds just signed onto this last week. Spanish director Rodrigo Cortes will take the reigns for Chris Sparling's script. Spain-based Versus Entertainment will finance the film." - I think the author would be happy with that comment.
It never dragged for me either. I felt claustrophobic. What did you think of the end?
Ah Dressel, you posted while I was typing, always happens to me,
I heartily agree, especially with your correction.
I kept feeling while I was reading it that if they tightened up those unfilmable bits, and then shot this well, that this could be one hell of a horror movie. A true one where you'd actually breathe deep when you got out in the cinema.
I read it a couple of days ago and it just won't leave me, it's still strong in my mind. Very few scripts have that effect. I haven't been in a lift since.
Just finished it and it left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I would be willing to bet any amount of money that this script has some rewrites in its future; particularly related to the ending.
There were a few suspenseful parts but all in all, it became kind of repetitive as it went on.
I think the biggest problem I actually had with it was the dialogue; especially Dan's dialogue (like his heartfelt monologue).
Ryan Reynolds will definitely add a lot to this film, but I think I'd be very disappointed if this draft makes it to production.
I feel that I mostly agree with you and some of the others who have posted regarding this. It does become repetitive and the ending is horrid. After everything... that's what happens. It just feels really sour. However! Always that however eh boys and girls? ...
Despite a lot of problems with the writing from a technical standpoint, it certainly has its virtues in the story itself. And I for one, look up to a writer who can do that. Yes, despite the repetitions, we are inclined to read on are we not? Success!
Thanks for recommending this. It's a good learning experience here.
I congratulate the writer here most definitely and would like to see this developed a little more.
Agree with much of what has already been said. It's a bit of a messy read re format, "unfilmables" etc. Yet, it's a great "race against time" story. Proves if you've got a good story the other probs. can be fixed easily.
I agree though that the ending's got to change. I don't want to go along for that ride to get the rug pulled out from under me.
Solid script, except for the ending. It didn't end, it just... stopped.
But I'm impressed with the amount of complications the writer was able to brainstorm with the character trapped in such a confined space.
Great read, but I'm afraid the transition to screen could be a bit problematic; it'd be hard to put together an exciting trailer with just shots of a guy inside a coffin.
I recommended this one here because of the limitations the writer put himself against. I think for that the writer deserves a huge amount of praise.
**POSSIBLE SPOILERS**
I mean - one location, and one guy. And that's it. For a feature length script. That's quite something. It ain't the best script I read but I found it to be one of the most tense. Considering most movies these days are either flash, bang, gore, boom or just plain old boring as hell, this was quite a revelation. I love movies that have me on the edge of my seat, worried as hell about what will happen next. Sadly that's a pretty rare thing. God knows I can't write one of 'em. Not yet anyway.
I'm not sure about the end. I've heard a few alternatives that seem interesting. In many ways I liked the present one, because I imagine it was the one that fitted what the writer was trying to do in the first place. It was loyal to the rest of the script.
I loved the scene where he speaks to the employer who has terminated his contract, knowing full well the predicament. That folks summed up 'working for the man'.
I agree with you Mr. Z - re any type of trailer but more so for the whole film. If they shot it just from the main character's POV in the coffin it'd be a bit restrictive/tedious, imo, for an audience - and there's plenty of opportunity (inbuilt in the script) to use intercut telephone conversations with the wife/officials/colleagues etc, & sequences of flashbacks of the main character's life back home; when the truck is first ambushed; behind the scenes machinations in the US - it's all there - and I think it would ramp up the suspense - but of course this would be a bigger budget than it is now.
Hey Chris if you want some help with the second draft, just PM me! Ha Ha.
I've been thinking about this script (and actually, the more I think the less I like it) and I thought about something in particular that's been bugging me:
Ok, so the "terrorist" (or whatever you want to call him) buries our protag with a cell phone.....with two bars of life. Now, obviously this is a ploy to add suspense to the film; leaves you wondering "Oh man, is it going to run out?"
Problem is, why in the world would the terrorist do this? He's clearly using the phone as not only a means with which to speak with him MULTIPLE TIMES but then he wants him to record video (which takes up even more battery life). Why would the terrorist risk losing his only connection with him by giving him a half-dead phone? I, for one, know that when my phone is at two bars and I'm using it, it barely lasts.
I know the argument could be made that the terrorist never planned on releasing him, BUT he did plan on contacting him and using him for his nefarious deeds via the phone. So why the two bars?
Agree absolutely Dressel - I remember thinking - what luck! - there's a phone (or two?) and I think he has something to drink too - if memory serves. Then again isn't it just a plot device to keep things moving - so often used in movies. Suspension of disbelief (also so often used) and we go along cause it's a race against time movie and we want "on the ride".
Fair point. Maybe there's another phone. Maybe the phone he has will last for hours, there's all sorts of different phones. Maybe the terrorist wasn't the brightest of sparks.