This is well written and I appreciate the comic effort.  I think the goofiness of the characters ought to be hinted at earlier in the piece, they seemed awfully unpleasant until the ending.

I thought this worked pretty well. You worked well within the challenge perimeters. I liked how the conflict escalated. As others have mentioned though, it goes on way too long. As film, I see it more like a 3-5 minute piece.

The ending was nice and cute.

Good work. One of the better ones so far.

Very quaint. The idea of a battle of wills is a good one and has its moments. I understood everything they were doing and as most of the gags were visual that is a good thing. It's one of the problems I'm having is making action clearer and you have accomplished this.
The ending was a let down as the two girls were not needed. They do seem like a last minute addition to wrap the story up.
The couple totally lost the plot when she introduced the garden hose but I can see you were trying to make the battle escalate to a ridiculous end (War of The Roses style).
Good-ish.

As I go:

Thoughts:

Well, when I don't take any "as I go" notes it generally means that the script is doing exactly what it's supposed to, which I think this one does.

I guess there's not really much I can say about this one.  I enjoyed it quietly.  The interactions between the two were entertaining to watch and felt realistic enough (relative, of course, to being in the realm of comedy) to warrant the feeling that I was learning something about people and therefore that this wasn't just a "cute" time waster.

Won't win any Oscars, but I'm sure would be a very enjoyable short film for some if it were shot.  And it could be done in a day, which is nice for prospective filmmakers.

Thanks for the fun read!

This one was okay.  At first, I thought the situation was going to escalate to 'over-the-top' violence or something, but I'm happy to see it stayed grounded in real life.

It was kind of a weird ending with the two teen girls, which is making me wonder if the writer thought that the story HAD to have four characters in it, because they just kind of show up out of nowhere.

As a non-smoker, I would've liked to see a power washer instead of the garden hose, but with how strong some of those industrial washers are, that might have gone against my not wanting to see over-the-top violence.

So, while not exactly great, still an enjoyable story.

I think Hugh Hoyland said it best when he said that he would watch it the first time around, but if it came on again, he would flip to something else.

- Mark

Whilst I didn't find this particularly funny it was still nice light hearted romp.

It did drag a bit with the early back and forth of him smoking and her continual spraying and could probably be cut down or more varying hijinx added.

I think at the end it would be funny if one of his daughters had been caught or taken up smoking and John was to lose his lid. Just a thought.

Nice one.

Leon

I liked this one. Well written and cute. I thought it captured the relationship well I didnt really have a problem with the girls at the end, but I think showing a picture of the daughter or some mention of her would help it feel more connected to the story.

Good job

Geez Louise haha.  

This was entertaining.  Dragged a bit in places with the repetition and would have liked a little more to be at stake than a hundred bucks, a wet cigarette, and some air freshener.  But it read well enough.  Maybe chisel it down a page or two and really tighten up those descriptions.  Nice job for a week.

Greg

I didn't find this funny as such, it was more just 'nice' to me. 'Geeze, Louise' did make me chuckle a little though.

I thought it could have been a little shorter, it takes too long to get where it's going in the end.

Well written and light-hearted.

Arty.

I thought this was light-hearted...maybe perhaps a little too much because it didn't have any real oomph.  It's always a question on how much to escalate these sort of things.  Too little and you don't please people, too much and you don't please people.  Personally, I don't think it escalated enough.   However, looking at the comments it seems plenty of people were ok with how much it escalated so I guess you did well.  Good job for the week.

One thing you might watch is keeping things active - avoid...

"He didn't like that remark."

"He didn't like that remark." - is also an aside.

This was okay, a cute story that got a little repetitive.  I'm nut sure that I fully bought the way that John and Louise behaved - they were in their fifties, but with the constant blowing smoke and spraying air freshener at each other, acted more like teenagers.  On a plus note though, the dialogue was sharp and believable.

Congratulations on getting this finished for the OWC.

This was a charming little script. Whoever wrote it knows how to handle a story. It went on perhaps a page or two too long but it's no major problem. You went for a happy ending of playful rejuvenation of the couple that fell in love years before - the craggy 'oldies' arguing about smoke return to the carefree youngsters that would happily turn a hose on in the lounge with no care for destroying the arrangement. That was what I found cute.

I wasn't quite sure where you would go at one point and felt you'd develop the idea they're ostensibly arguing about his smoking habits when in fact it's their loathing of what their lives together have become. That's what fascinating about petty arguments - trying to find the real argument. But you went down a different angle and gave me a bit of a warm feeling that seems to have been felt by most.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who read this.

It was fun to write. I've never written a script that was a low budget and had one setting. It was a challenge, but it was fun.

I'll be working on the rewrite.  

Cindy

Quoted from CindyLKeller I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who read this. It was fun to write. I've never written a script that was a low budget and had one setting. It was a challenge, but it was fun. I'll be working on the rewrite.   Cindy

Way to go, Cindy! I didn't know you were the writer of this one, but this one was in my top three. I think that what to me is real about this is that people will actually play like this. Maybe not to this level in the script, but they do, especially for a couple that have been together for a very long time.

Sandra