Hmmmmmm........ I glanced over the other comments after I read this and I was actually surprised that so many seemed to like this.

It's definitely low budget and it definitely takes place in one location and other than the teacher at the end it only has two characters. Would be super easy to shoot, but boy would it be a dull piece of film. IMHO of course. There is absolutely nothing visual going on here. Just two people talking and talking and talking. We don't even get any descriptions of the characters...

You need to learn to think more visually. This is written for film not radio. Take your first sentence for example.

"Studious sixteen year old OWEN, raises his head from his
pile of work after being hit in the head with a paper ball."

IMO, it would read better if it was written more like this:

A paper ball flies through the air. It smacks OWEN, a studious sixteen year old in the head. He raises his head from his pile of work.

Hope this helps.

Cute. I liked the characters and had no problem with the way they spoke. The paper ball problem and lack of a fade out have already been discussed. Now, my spelling isn't perfect and apostrophe use is the worse thing about the English language but I would add two spelling mistakes that are both real pet peeves of mine: "Your" instead of "You're" and "Their"instead of "They're". You see these two dragged up on the internet all the time and they really grind my gears so that hindered my enjoyment of the story for all the wrong reasons.
The VO at the end would have been better replaced by breaking the fourth wall with Owen or having a voice over throughout Wonder Years style.
Other than that, it was nice.

As I go:

Page 1:  You're/your.
Dialogue's a little stiff starting off.  I like the concept of each line, but the execution is flavourless, if that makes sense.

Page 3:  Pretty classic joke with the failing grade/didn't show my parents bit.  The thing about this one is that the script feels pretty realistic, and that's kinda an unrealistic gag.  Even full-on nerds -- or at least, the ones I went to school with -- knew not to say things quite like that.

Page 4:  "Ticking me off"  Ticking?  At age 16?  From the lady with the attitude?

Thoughts:

Another straightforward charmer, this one less successful than the last (Where There's Smoke, is the one I read right before this) in my opinion.  The reason is that we don't really get into the characters all that much.  Nerd guy and outsider girl with an attitude, we've seen this one before, so we're really looking to you for some original defining characteristics here and I don't particularly feel like we get them. For age 16, they also seem a little tame.

Than, their's the matter of you're grammar typos.  You're killin' me!  Pet peeve.  

Anyway, the story on film would be, I'm sure, sufficiently charming with the right actors.  I think I saw the word "stakes" mentioned above -- I think that's what's missing -- and I wouldn't have minded a complication or two, some impediments for our young couple as they come together.  Sour makes the sweet sweeter, right?

Thanks for the fun read!

Cute story, but the ending makes it 'blah', I think.  Maybe a little too 'Breakfast Club' meets 'How I Met Your Mother'.

What I didn't like was I'm not exactly too sure of the students' ages.  These could easily be eight year-olds or seventeen year-olds.  Sometimes I got a grade school feeling, sometimes I got a high school feeling.

Lol.  I think Kevin mentioned this sounds like a Matt Dressel story, and that popped into my head while I was reading.  But, I just might have been concentrating too much on the boy's bike being stolen, and that's why I thought that.

Also, Khamana popped into my head for some reason while I was reading, but I don't know if she's been around or not.

Not bad, but not exactly great, either.  Average, I'd say.

- Mark

"And that's why I spent half of my junior year in detention." So what happened afterward? Where's the closure? What happened to Owen and Emma after their scandalous detention time? I smell a sequel in the works. Maybe. Good try at the OWC.

Sean

This was a cute read.  Clear and concise descriptions.  Strong characterizations.  The ending was realistic without being dramatic.  The joke was a good ender.

While I can’t say if this is my favorite, it is up on the list.  Good job.


Phil

This could be a cute story, it has potential, but I didn't find the characters to be engaging.  
Congratulations on a good effort.

I thought this was cute, but yeah, there's not enough going on. I think Emma could bring a lot more to the story than a kiss. Overall, nice work, but it could use some tweaking.

It seems that I, like many others, found this cute. Cute was certainly the first word that popped into my head while reading it. I liked both the characters which is obviously a good thing, though it did seem like they may be younger than stated.

Had the same problem with the opening paragraph as everyone else. Also for the end he could have said 'I need to get myself more detentions' instead of the voice over. Or something similar as that may be a little clearer.

A nice little read all in all.

Arty.