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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    September 2011 One Week Challenge  ›  Sweet Justice - OWC Moderators: Don
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  Author    Sweet Justice - OWC  (currently 4080 views)
Don
Posted: September 18th, 2011, 10:20pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Sweet Justice by Taw - Short - The legend of Limpwrist Larry, the fastest, gayest gun in all the West. 6 pages - pdf, format


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leitskev
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 7:40am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Loved it.
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 7:52am Report to Moderator
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A lovely distraction from all the killing and despair that seems frequent with OWC scripts.

A fun read.

All the best.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Dreamscale
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 7:52am Report to Moderator
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Well, let's just say, "this ain't my cup of tea", but it's humorous for those who find this kind of thing funny, and pretty well written, for the most part.

It's a 1 trick pony and I was expecting...and hoping for some kind of twist of any kind.  Or at least that Larry would be brutally killed, hung, tarred and feathered, cut into thousands of pieces, eaten by zombies...something, anything, but no, plays out with absolutely no surprises.

Maybe ran out of time?

Congrats on completing an OWC entry.
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leitskev
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 8:14am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Well, everyone around here loves to complain about things that look "familiar". You have to admit this was a different kind of 'gunslinger'. I think it was humorous and done in a way that no one will take offense, but I'll check back to see if that's the case.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 8:27am Report to Moderator
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this wad pretty funny, it was filled with cliche's and stereotypes but i have a feeling that was the writers intention. it does get old pretty fast in only six pages. still, good work on the OWC.


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grademan
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 9:12am Report to Moderator
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Not bad, not bad.

This should have been called The Legend of Limpwrist Larry. As much as this is a spoof on westerns and gays, I did like Larry’s dialogue. This was funny in a light hearted way.

We never felt any danger from the burly outlaw. I liked the way you almost had us believing the outlaw was gay too with his comment about lavender.
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Andrew
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 9:38am Report to Moderator
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Watched Friends With Benefits last night and found myself channelling Woody Harrelson's delivery for Larry. Ri-dick-colous! You absolutely nailed the opening description and Larry's first line "Dee-lish". Perfectly captured the mood and set the tone for your script. It just goes to show that it only takes small things to contextualise your world and create suspension of disbelief.

Amusing script that felt like a riff from a writer enjoying writing.


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Mr.Ripley
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 10:30am Report to Moderator
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Very funny. I think it would be difficult to set this in a saloon but I can definitely wrong. Other than that, I liked it.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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leitskev
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 11:55am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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I do have to add one thing here: though I enjoyed the script, I can't vote for it.

At 5 1/2 pages, this is pretty far short of the OWC requirement of 8 to 12, with the rough target being 10 pages. Not enough happens in it, though what happens is about right for the page length. Excellent work, though! Could definitely make an SNL skit, or a short film, easily.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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“Bangy-bang” is the show in a trifecta of of cheesetastic lines.
This one fits the OWC rules, keeping it all in one room.
This is a one joke piece, but the joke works.
Twists and genre redefinition is not required to write a script.
Especially, one for an OWC, just tell a decent tale, and you have.
Scanlon’s reveal is cute, but the ending could use some sass.

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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albinopenguin
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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really loved the idea behind this one. however i felt like it needed a bit more "umph" behind it (and i didnt mean that in a gay way).

the writing was excellent and the dialogue was accurate. the concept was awesome, but as previously mentioned, you don't do very much with it. and unfortunately that's not enough. i wish you did something with kryder at the end rather than just a shootout (perhaps kryder and larry know each other somehow prior to meeting at the bar?).

this one gets an A for originality but a C for execution. therefore, I'm giving this a solid B. would love to see this made into a longer production. lots of potential here.


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Grandma Bear
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
I do have to add one thing here: though I enjoyed the script, I can't vote for it.

At 5 1/2 pages, this is pretty far short of the OWC requirement of 8 to 12, with the rough target being 10 pages.


"You must write a script (properly formatted) between 6 and 12 pages (courier 12 point font)."

and nowhere does it say 10 pages should be the target.  Not picking on you there, just would hate for a good script not to get voted on due to misinterpretation of the OWC requirements.  


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leitskev
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Well, 5.5 is not 6. I like this script, it just feels short to me. Not enough happened. But I don't want to be in a position of seeming to be against it. It made me laugh, I liked it. I just don't think it was quite enough.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: September 19th, 2011, 2:03pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this one. The story itself offered nothing new other than the gayness, but I thought that was done well. Stereotype of course, but done well. It showed character instead of just saying "this character is 30 years old with shoulder length brown hair and a stubble". This script "showed" us the character through dialogue and action. One of the more enjoyable scripts.

Good work.


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