Hey, thanks for looking, slabstaa.  And for casting Buck exactly as I had done so myself  

Quoted from slabstaa I liked Eleven, it's a shame about her.  Maybe a rewrite so she makes it out in time?  I think she would have the potential to be a really good character.

Hmm...I will have to go back and see if I can spot the confusion -- she DOES survive the crash -- and plays a large role in the next episode.

But I cannot make any promises about Eleven -- or any of these characters -- as episode two draws to a close...

I appreciate you taking the time to drop a few comments, slabstaa.  Thanks again.

Oh shit.  She does survive the crash?  Maybe I might've misread it or something.

as I pormised long time ago I would have a look at Starbuck.

To be quite honest I'm not sure what to write as hell yeah this script has perfect format pacing dialouge writing style everything and you already have 8 pages of reviews saying this.

So what to write? Kipple's buisness card was the high light for me.

While cowboys and aliens is a cool idea I found some (just a little) of the content you used a bit ordinary.

Moloch as a big claw/sharp teeth and bat wings monster was just so average and the whole alien on ship bust out of container reminded me of a dozen episodes of toons I have seen on Cartoon Network.

It's just that your writing is so rich and visual and stylish why would you settle for the mundane?

I would have loves to read your description and action of a alien villan that was a mix of a Rancor and a gazell. strength and agility with an overbite.

The ending was top stuff and left me hanging for more. I've mentioned many times I'm a sucker for cliffhangers.

The title of your script reminds me of old 80's cartoon called Bravestarr which is a sci-fi western. Was it an inspiration?

And that's all I've got. This script is perfect in everyway and I will always come back to it for inspiration when writing my own scripts. Like they say Monkey see, monkey do.      

Hey, thank you for the surprise look, Tonka.  I remember that conversation, too, and should work my way around to my end of the bargain sometime.  I will drop you a PM.  I like that your "highlight" was such a silly little moment -- almost an afterthought -- but it is one of my favorite bits, too, because it almost sails right past without even being noticed.  I am glad you noticed.

Quoted from Tonka Moloch was just so average...I would have loved...a mix of a Rancor and a gazelle…

Well, in my imagination he looks great haha.  The CGI guys would have to work overtime on the shadowy, shifting flesh.  Honestly, I had to google Rancor haha.  He is a bit like that, I suppose.  Only smaller, and more intelligent-looking, and kind of mix-crossed with Venom and a bat.  Perhaps I should work to ensure that is more fully realized on the page.

Quoted from Tonka I'm a sucker for cliffhangers.

Me, too.  I was actually pretty proud of that finale, but it took a while to figure out how to put each and every character into jeapordy.  And I suppose I am kind of a dick for making people wait so long on its resolution.  Where does the time go, you know?  

Quoted from Tonka The title of your script reminds me of old 80's cartoon called Bravestarr which is a sci-fi western. Was it an inspiration?

Ahh...another person who watched entirely too many cartoons.  A couple of people mentioned that when this was new, but I had not seen it myself.  I got a good laugh when I did a little google research.  If I had to point to something specific, I suppose "Brisco County" was what I borrowed the most from.  If you actually remember Bravestarr, you might remember Brisco, too.

Thanks for the kind words on this one, Tonka.  Of all my stuff, this one was the most fun I have had while writing.  I suspect it will be just as fun when I really have the time to resurrect this and finally wrap it up.      

Just read the first episode. I erote some of my comments while going along, and haven't read the other posts so there might be repeats.

I read the script all the way through, though since it's only 22 pages that might not mean much. The formatting was perfect, your descriptions were short but descriptive. However, the one thing that turned me off before even reading it was the fact that there were no act breaks. I understand it's not a full-length episode, but act breaks still make it easier to read. You make up for the lack of acts in that the story is engaging all the way through, but to me there were spots where you could have divided it. Maybe end a teaser after "...like a puppy" on p3 or after Eleven says "Moloch..." on p6, the next act end after the prospector screams or when Buck asks "Who wants to know?", and the final one finish at the end.

Enough of formatting. As for the plot, it was a neat science fiction original. I'm not a fan of sctrictly sci-fi works, which is what I initially thought with the space crusier on another planet, nameless technicians referred to as numbers, and cliche pods. But once they landed on earth, and the events with the sheriff and prospector happened, I was proven wrong. I was also skeptical about the old time western setting, but eventually realized it worked better with the story.

I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I figured out from the start of the saloon scene the the prospector was Moloch. It was obvious with the fact that Barbos was outside and the the prospector's abduction earlier. I also hope there's some backstory between the Indian and the horse. I don't know how close people got to their animals back in the day but "I want to avenge my horse" doesn't seem like enough motivation to go after deadly alien forces.

All in all, it was a nice script. It set up the characters and situation well, and the settings and dialogue were believable and fit the story well. I don't know if it's the type of thing I'd watch if developed, but I've only read the pilot, and from an unbiased standpoint it was good. Now onto episode two.

Quoted from nextbigthing24 ...the one thing that turned me off before even reading it was the fact that there were no act breaks.

That is because this is not a traditional series. But you are forgiven for not wanting to read 8 pages of comments    

This is a feature-in-progress that I was releasing in pieces, more like a serial.  I realized early on that there were a lot more than 120 pages of story here -- so that plan is to just toss all the parts that do not work later and paste everything together.

You will not find act breaks in the next one either, but I hope this explanation will excuse their absence.

Quoted from nextbigthing24 I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I figured out from the start of the saloon scene the the prospector was Moloch.

It is kind of telegraphed with the boots, but I suppose the scene can play out from either perspective, really.

Quoted from nextbigthing24 I also hope there's some backstory between the Indian and the horse.

Haha.  Honestly, I have never, ever considered that.  There are some flashbacks scattered throughout the story.  I will have to consider that if something good occurs to me.  This is the first time I have heard that his motivation does not stand alone as written.  Hm.

Thanks for looking.  I have dropped some comments on "Legacy" as well.  Hope the second episode works for you.  There is a late action and cliffhanger sequence that I am particularly fond of.  Just consider yourself moving from the first act into the second act of a feature as opposed to looking for specific act breaks.

Wow.

Let me start off by saying that you damn well better be writing an episode 3, because I need to know what happens next.

You managed to take two genres I normally despise, and combine them successfully into one heck of a series.  In short, I basically loved everything about it; the developing plot arc, the characters, the dialogue (although admittedly a tad bit corny at times - mostly from Coyote).  

I have to say that my absolute favorite sequence was the train.  The way you interwove all the action that was going on was beautiful and even though the sequence spanned several pages, it never seemed like it was going on too long, and the suspense was always there.  And killing Eleven (or I assume you killed Eleven)?   Wow.  

I think the other thing I liked the most about it was that you created an arc that kept taking the story to new locations and different characters.  You didn't settle down in one place for too long, basically.  And with each new location came a new and exciting problem and a brand new character (that was, above all, necessary to the story).

Basically, I can't say enough positive things about this piece.  Normally, when I'm writing a review I jot down notes about things that bother me, but that just wasn't the case here.   Great, great job!

Quoted from dresseme …you damn well better be writing an episode 3,…

Bert likes to make his readers beg.

Yeah I always liked this little series. As I understand, if I remember correctly, it was originally intended to be a trilogy. So I believe Bert already has at least some idea of what’s supposed to happen. I’m sure he’ll get around to it someday.

*(sniffle) I’ll wait for you Bert.*


Breanne

Hey Bert, i decided to jump on the Starbuck bandwagon! Great stuff. I've read the first episode and will get onto the second later. This has everything in it. I didn't read all the comments obviously because of the sheer volume. But i imagine it's all good over 4 years! Cheers man.


Hey Bert, just did the second ep. continued great entertainment! Only one question: I'm not sure how Conn and Eleven got from Coyote's nasty grip back to buck's camp so easily. one minute Eleven was being dragged behind a horse, the next she's free.
Apart from that, how long till Ep 3?

Just finished episode one.  Bert, this is the bomb!  What a great concept and great story telling!  The characters are engaging and fun to read.  I'd love to see this on TV!  Heck, I might pay for cable if this was produced!

I just can't wait to read episode two!!

Boy, you sure like to leave people on tenterhooks, don't you?!?  Well, pretty much everyone seems to be either dead, or on their way to being dead.  That's what I call a cliffhanger lovers paradise!!!  Again, most excellent on everything.  Even with Elevens incredible physical abilities, she can still be bested by crude bandits.  That's realism.

Now, episode three will be out when. . . .

Quoted from steven8 Boy, you sure like to leave people on tenterhooks, don't you?!?

Yeah -- apparently for years and years haha.

What happened is I very suddenly went from a place where I had lots of time to write to a place where I had very little -- right around the time this went on hiatus.  I really need to get back to this.  Nothing like renewed interest to generate a spark.

Quoted from Stevie I'm not sure how Conn and Eleven got from Coyote's nasty grip back to buck's camp so easily.

I was never entirely satisfied with how that played out.  In its final form, there will be something different there.  Probably something involving a cliff.

Quoted from Brea ...it was originally intended to be a trilogy. So I believe Bert already has at least some idea of what’s supposed to happen.

Oh, many more episodes than that.  And the entire story is laid out in treatment phase.  I know where its going.  Just gotta' get it there.

Quoted from Dressel ...the dialogue (although admittedly a tad bit corny at times - mostly from Coyote).

Yeah, but that is kind of by design, you know?  And in the future, I will hook up with Z or Helio prior to posting for Spanish help.  One lesson learned is that apparently you can not always trust on-line translators.

Quoted from Dressel And killing Eleven (or I assume you killed Eleven)?

Sure looks that way, doesn’t it?

Quoted from Brea *(sniffle) I’ll wait for you Bert.*

You are just the sweetest thing haha.  I pinky-swear I will try to get something cooking with Buck and his crew this summer.

Thanks for looking, guys.  Finding some new posts on this makes my morning.  And I will try to catch up with some reciprocal reading as time (and Tanis) permit.

Bert, what's the deal with other stuff in the works?  Spill your guts.
So far everything you've done has been consistent with me.  I like it

Quoted from slabstaa Bert, what's the deal with other stuff in the works?  Spill your guts. So far everything you've done has been consistent with me.  I like it

Thank you for the vote of confidnce, slabby -- but I am not sure I understand the question....?

All of the episodes will undergo some revision and editing when I ultimately paste this together into a feature.  Or two.

Just wondering if you had any other script ideas for other things.