I heard someone say that Seinfeld is a classic example of a show about nothing.

Lucky Louie on HBO is one of the first sitcoms I have ever seen with nudity and cursing in it. With the laugh track and all. The main actor Louis C.K. actually gets naked for his show, now that is dedication.

So few television stations are willing to produce shows with vulgar language which is why I am writing the feature length version. Better Days The Misadventure.

Currently I have had the treatment for the film done for a long time but keep focusing on side projects that turn out very well.

Bert,

You said I wouldn't like the episode you wrote, so naturally I had to come see for myself. HaHa!

I found it really quite funny. As it happens, I've been working on a comedy short, so was open to see other brands of humor. Mine is an update of an farce I did about the 50's, with goofy sterotype characters. The update will be goofy updated sterotypes.

Later, I'll check out the other episodes here. I commend anyone who does their own original series, since I do that, too. It's a big creative investment, not to mention time-consuming work. Even if opinions differ on subject matter, I believe everyone benefits by seeing other's slant. It also helps you avoid doing something already out there.

I hope we all get a chance to laugh our way to the bank from our efforts.

The first two episodes of the Second Season are on the way. I am having a moral battle with myself over a few scenes in which I turn from nice to mean on certain referenced materials from Season One here...  

Plus episode 6.9, Casey's solo adventure where Cake is introduced for the first time and the finished rewrites of Episode one and two.

Bert did write an episode I enjoyed and felt it captured the mood and tone of the series. I don't have a series bible but if I did Bert was reading it but I don't.

Hey Monette.  

It occurred to me later that telling you to avoid this script would probably send you racing for it -- that is basic human nature -- poor planning on my part.

Having said that, I am glad you didn't despise it.

Wesley has a unique series here.  It's funny and kind of raunchy and he isn't afraid to take some chances with it.  He just needs to deliver on some of those new episodes he has been promising since -- well, I don't even remember how long it's been.

They are all done but to be honest they go a lot further than any of my episodes almost into Molly Dolly dirty.

The Casey adventure is about Cake's obsession with a porn star/stripper who lives in Alberton.

6.9 is about a lost storyline I was originally going to use but dropped after it became hard to write. (Jason and Kenny would make a bet every episode and Kenny would always win.) 6.9 is about a sexual act that most would consider unholy and the outcome is the reason I wrote it.

I also have a failed character named David who was Jason's friend before Kenny. He was black and he and Jason had rap battles. Of course both sucked and I know how to write crappy rap battles. John recorded some of the battles and sent them to America's Dumbest Videos winning a large cash sum. Of course in the series now I gave it another reason as to why he has so much money.

The character disappears and Kenny has a flashback to which he buries a body at night in a field. It was meant as a comedic flashback but some thought that it was too serious and a bit racist so I scrapped the character and never wrote the scenes.

I did add some deleted scenes to the Second Season. I have a lot of unreleased material for the series that could constitute many special episodes.

I expected more reads for Takashi & Friends or even the forgotten Ninja's Curse short. People read hundreds of shorts a month just to bitch about how bad they are (Not exchanging either) it just seems stupid to do something like that when hundreds of other enjoyable ones go untouched for years.

Alas I promise that before I turn 22, the new episodes and updates will be done and posted.

I decided to read Episode 5.5 after seeing it in Bert's sig as a thank you for his review of my work.
Then I decided to read Episode 3 to make sure I wasn't mis-interpreting the characters (Episodes 1 and 2 seem to have been taken down).

Steven,

This is some fun stuff.  I knew right away I'd enjoy it when Jason justifies this inane battle with the line 'The point is that I hate chickens...'  Makes me laugh just thinking about it.
I get a Clerks Animated Series vibe as I read this episode.  Especially from Casey, reminds me of Jay.  Kenny reminds me of Randal during and after the restaurant scene.
I can't cite a page number, but did you mean to say 'grudge match' with the ring announcer.  If not, I can see the humor in a fly-by-night boxing promoting jab.
Not long after that, there is a 'but' used by Barbara in the line about not forgiving him, maybe it was supposed to be 'and?'  Is she more mad at Jason, Kenny, or both?

Bert,

I really liked yours as well.  What I liked the most is that the dialogue was funny without too much of the 'witty put-down sarcasm' that is really beginning to pervade comedy writing (and even some dramas like The West Wing).  Fighting over scrabble is so true.  Any time people play who aren't super serious, there's always a certain amount of shenanigans.
I did read yours first, so your work was my first impression of the characters.  I'm not sure if JOHN appeared in any of Steven's work, but a quirky older guy obsessed with a Sam's Club style can of pudding is classic.
For some reason I keep coming back to animation.  Is this whole series animated?  If it is, the part where Ash is revealed in all his Poke-glory is funny and tragic at the same time.  I just can't see it if its portrayed by live-action though.  Especially Charizard.

Great stuff guys.  Makes for a fun morning.

-Bob

The fine line between animation and live action. I wrote an episode called Jason's Animated Adventure which is the new "gimmick" episode. Shitcoms use the Christmas, Easter and so on to death so I decided to do something "new" as to not be considered one of them.

Episodes 1 and 2 are in rewrite hell.

Jason's Animated Adventure, Le Noir Detectives and This is My Show, B*tch are episodes which people can read without having to read the entire series or for those who are, they are breaks for the fun of having them.

As far as Bert's episode goes, he can tell you more about it as I had NOTHING to do with it. All I did was add it in because it basically fits with the three episodes mentioned above in the crazy, out of this world plotline those episodes ask you to consider and take in.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley As far as Bert's episode...I had NOTHING to do with it.

Now, now, Wesley -- people will think you don't like it haha.

You know, Bob -- I saw this episode as animated AND real.  Like the Powerpuff girls dream segment -- real Kenny with cartoon girls.  And a cartoon Charizard in a real house.  And pulling off a real mask to reveal a cartoon Ash.  Stuff like that.

Maybe I should have made that more clear in the script -- but you did pick up on at least some of what I was going for.  But now I am wondering if everybody missed that.  Hmm.

Part of why I like this series is the freedom of it -- the natural laws of the world don't always apply.  Nor does its sense of decency, for that matter.  Blame the series creator for that.  I was just having fun and he didn't mind, so its all good.

Thanks for checking it out.  Not too many people have seen my little episode here, so it's fun when it gets a bump.

I liked this one better than the original pilot that turned out not to be the original (if that makes sense).

I liked how you started with Jason and Kenny at age ten and even though they are so much younger than later in the episode, their characters still remain the same.
Btw, Jason was always my favorite.

Never thought of "Barbie" as being chubby.

I didn't see any of those pesky there-their things either, whatever they're called. There used to be plenty of those in your episodes.

I'm not sure why I like this series, I'm about as far from your target audience as I can get, but there's just something about it. The stories are often crazy, but somehow they still seem real at the same time.

This episode here was very funny and I wish others would give it a read as well. Maybe because it's a series, I don't know.

It's the pilot for the series and as that it works. It makes me want to read the next one, but I think it works on it's own too and I would encourage anyone who likes comedy to read it. Reads very fast too. Sure, the subject matter can be on the raunchy side, but I think you handle it with charm. I have never felt offended reading Better Days even though it gets crazy sometimes.

Very Nice job!

Wesley, just read your original pilot, good job.

The flashback in the beginning was really funny and worked really well for establishing the charcaters right off the bat.  All the bets you have in here are hilarious, and the fact that jason does them just adds to the humor.

My main problem, with this was that certain parts of your dialogue were just really awkward.  One thing that really helps smooth out dialogue and keep the flow going, IMO is to use contraction, and there are a lines where someone will yell someything like "you asre" and I think it would judt generally work a lot better wuth a  "you're".

Another thing that kind of confused me was Barbara.  Jason welcomes her back but we dont know where she was.  You might want to have it this way, something to wait for in a future episode, but as of right now it just kind of confused me.

Tea Time with casey . . . Amazing.  I loved it.  Hilarious character made better with tea . . . great job.

-Tyler

Barbara is kind of a late edition to the episode. She wasn't originally going to be in the "Original Pilot" like I have said many times, Jason had a black friend in another storyline if you will but ultimately with jokes like a terrible battle rap that John tapes and sends in to America's Dumbest Teens was just a low joke that didn't seem to fit. Then I switched the three male plot and added Barbara, a smart woman who doesn't have a great figure but keeps Jason and Kenny in line.

The best part about having a series is those add ons after the episodes. You can test almost anything and if people enjoy it, you have your next project.

Takashi & Friends only got rewrites and a release in the Shorts section because the response to the mini series after the episodes was really good.

Tea Time with Casey is just a way for me to answer questions either made up or from real people who want to ask them. Casey will answer any question thrown at him... just don't expect him to sugarcoat his answers.


Pia, the problem is if THIS episode makes you want to read more it might be disappointing (You have read more) but the episodes don't really match this one in tone as this is a failed storyline.

The target audience is anyone who will read it and enjoy. Those who don't enjoy it, just don't enjoy it. You can't please everyone and you shouldn't try nor should you have to.

The Second Season will be up next edit and I think it is more like the Original Pilot with darker tones and not so held back. Nobody is safe... especially those series from this season that I reference a lot. All of them will take a beating because they have all proved to be a let down.

Thanks for the reads P & H. It does mean a lot. (If you want me to read something, send me a PM)

Hey Wes, read the actual pilot.  More good stuff.

One of the things I've noticed, that i really like, is that you go all the way with a joke.  You don't just stop at a funny moment, a sort of chickening out at a high point with a scene cut, but instead you keep going and it really delivers, like in 0 I expected you to cut the scene after kenny said "I drae you to touch her boob" but you kept going and it was really funny, or in this one, I expected you to cut the scene after Jason struck the pose in the siderman suit against the green goblin, but you kept going and had the little kid end up crying (for some reason I find children crying to be hilarious...It's strangte most of my money comes from babysitting...)

Anyway, you have a lot of things in here that are funny as well as set up fpr future episodes (I hope), like that red headed kid infatuated with Barbra and jason and barbaras little tiff.  Good job.

I am going to have to keep after you on the dialogue though.  There are parts that i just did not like at all, it felt awkward, like things your characters wouldnt actually say.  That was really my only problem with this episode though.

-Tyler

Hey wes, just read the second.

This one had me laughing out loud.  The milk mooing was just...it was great and then when kenny yells at the girls for interupting them, great stuff.

I also didn't really notice any dialogue problems in here, except for a little rough patch in ken seniors first part.

I also like how the characters occasionaly acknowledge that their being filmed, well not exactly, but you know what I mean, like when Jason winked at the camera about days of our lives, and somne other stuff in previous episodes, i'm always a afan of that sort of thing, and even put some into my simply script script

Anyway, looking forward to reading the giant chicken episode...

Quoted Text One of the things I've noticed, that i really like, is that you go all the way with a joke.  You don't just stop at a funny moment, a sort of chickening out at a high point with a scene cut, but instead you keep going and it really delivers

This is because I run out of plot before I meet the quota of pages. I know what my episodes are and they are plotted out thoroughly before I ever write anything. I write them so tight that any changes would hurt the episode. (I do that with features too which is why I have only finished The Juicer, my gay superhero adventure in all that time.)

Quoted Text This one had me laughing out loud.  The milk mooing was just...it was great and then when kenny yells at the girls for interupting them, great stuff.

I never do call back to the milk mooing in season one... sorry. Actually, Season 2 Episode 1 calls back to it and is actually about it. I forgot to tie that up in season 1. My bad! So, Season 2 ties it up and pushes a character on the verge of suicide possibly.

Quoted Text I also like how the characters occasionaly acknowledge that their being filmed, well not exactly, but you know what I mean,

I hope that does not get annoying because I do that almost every episode and sometimes (God as played by me, the writer) literally rips the roof off, shines a light and talks to the cast.

It means a lot that someone read my rewrites of Episodes 1 and 2 (They are rewrites that just went up a couple days ago, you know.) The final two episodes were never put up on SS, also my bad but in a week or so they will be online.

Thanks for the reads.

Hey Wes, just read giant chicken of doom.

Some more quality Comedy.  The greeter was apersonal favorite, plus the slow-mo.  There were parts that could use a little editing, there were a few words or letters that were dropped out, but they were all just mechanical mistakes, your dialogue was fine to me in this one.

The entrance of Casey . . . excelent.  I like how unimportant it was, just sort of a "look who showed up".  I'm hoping for more tea time...will there be?

Anyway, good job.

-Tyler