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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Better Days - The Complete Series Moderators: bert
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  Author    Better Days - The Complete Series  (currently 11753 views)
Don
Posted: November 21st, 2006, 4:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Better Days Season 2 Episode 1 "Friendship" by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Series - With the addition of "Neutral Space" Better Days returns with a new season. Jason finally recieves his prize from the "Milk" in season one but soon realizes it is fake and he plots his revenge on The Clerk. 27 pages - html, format

Better Days Season 2 Episode 2 "To Kill A Clerk" by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Series - The Clerks stands atop the public library ready to jump. 22 pages - html, format

Better Days Season 2 Episode 3 "Le Noir Detectives - Part Deux" by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Series - The sequel to the episode that delves into an alternate reality where Kenny and Barbara are detectives, working cases. This time our detectives are put to the test with a new villain... Tiny Tim, The Midget Assassin. 20 pages - html, format

Better Days Season 2 Episode 4 "All In The Family" by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Series - Kenny agrees to watch Danielle's son so she and Jason can go out and give their relationship one last shot. Kenny already had plans with Holly so he pawns the baby off on Casey and a night of chaos follows. 24 pages - html, format

Better Days Season 2 Episode 05 "Back To Therapy" by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Series - Kenny has gone back to Therapy. Jason starts hanging out with an unlikely friend while Danielle and Holly get closer. Find out what happens this week on… 25 pages - pdf, format


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Old Time Wesley
Posted: November 21st, 2006, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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Tea Time was added later to this episode and looking back it might not have been the greatest idea as the other episodes will probably show up in Season 2 but I wanted to test out that mini series.

Casey is based on a member of these boards if you didn't already know. He is kind of the ultimate one scene character that people remember. I gave him more spotlight later in the season in Jason's Animated Adventure, Noir Detectives and Hockey Night in Alberton. He shows up consistently though because I like to write curse words.

The series kind of gets overly dramatic and crazy near the end. I have a few episodes I want to edit heavily, not the plot but certain moments.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: November 23rd, 2006, 10:29pm Report to Moderator
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Wes,
Read episodes four and five.  They were both really good, and I don;t really have too many comments at all.  I feel like the show is giving up a bit of its humor for more dram and plot driven episodes, wich is definetley not a bad thing, because it still includes humor,just with an extra heeping of plot and drama.

I feel like we never really got to know Jasons relationship with poppy, and I think that it would help if you added another scene with the two of them together, on a date or something, so we can also feel the hard choice jason has to make.  Right now I feel like theres no question, and he should go to danielle.

-Tyler


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Higgonaitor
Posted: November 23rd, 2006, 10:51pm Report to Moderator
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Bert, I just read your episode and it was hilarious in a random sort of way, but I have afew suggestions on how I think it could be enhanced:

Getchen was funny because she was airy in a beleivable sort of way, but I think you made it a bit unbelievable with the basement comment.  I tink that it would be funnier if you had her less of a moron and more just sort of an airy not caring in a stupid way kind of girl, like when she drinks the slsushee with the cigarette butt, hat was funny, but she lost her believability with the basement.  Not even homer is that stupid.

Everything else worked out pretty well, and I know its kind of cliche, but I think you should make it an "all a dream" moment.  Something like casey wakes up and says damn, i knew it was to good to be tru, or something.  although the dads charizard comment seems like a good place to end it.  he way it is now though, it just doesnt really fit. Its not real enough.  Maybe it acould be introduced by a tea-time with casey, like a letter asking him waht would happen if.... you know.  

-Tyler


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Higgonaitor
Posted: November 23rd, 2006, 11:16pm Report to Moderator
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Caseys' episode.....yes.

I loved it.  The monologue, the floating head, the aliens, the explosion of poppys head, everything was top notch in humor, and we even had a little furthering of the relationship of danielle and Jason squeezed in at the end.  Great job.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
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bert
Posted: November 24th, 2006, 11:15am Report to Moderator
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Responses to Higgs on Episode 5.5:


Quoted from Higgonaitor
The way it is now though, it just doesnt really fit. Its not real enough.


I don't know how many of these you intend to read, but you will find some of the later episodes are pretty out there.  This fits in with the later stuff better than the earlier stuff.

And I kind of wanted it to stand alone, fitting into the general scheme of things without really blowing the continuity Wesley was working on.


Quoted from Higgonaitor
Getchen was funny...


Gretchen is Wesley's character -- only she hadn't been introduced yet.  So I managed to blow the continuity anyway haha.


Quoted from Higgonaitor
Caseys' episode.....yes.


He's the best, isn't he?  He might be my favorite character found on these boards.  Writing for him is the main reason I wanted to do one of these.

Thanks for looking, Higgs.  Hooking it up with a "Tea-Time" segment is clever -- something for Wesley to think about, maybe.  Those didn't exist at the time I wrote this.

Anyway, my little episode here is so seldom read -- that I know of, anyway -- it is always fun to get a few comments on it.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Peter North
Posted: December 25th, 2006, 12:40am Report to Moderator
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Hey Wesley, I red "Red Phoenix". I must say that this is one of the funniest scripts I've read on the site so far. The humor wasn't too raunchy, and it wasn't too clean. Which is perfect.

I think this is a good start to what looks like a good series. I'm printing out episode 2 right now as I write this review, in hopes that it is as good as the first one.

Your characters were all enjoyable.

It was an entertaining read.

And your formatting was spot-on.

Thank you for not making twenty minutes of my time wasted, and actually making them very pleasant!


Jean Reno is angry... Angrier than Chuck Norris on acid... Too bad Chuck... Okay, never mind, this is turning into a Chuck Norris joke.
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: December 25th, 2006, 3:54am Report to Moderator
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If you found even a little entertainment in my series, that is the highest praise one can receive because that is my ultimate goal as a writer. To entertain people.

Thank you for reading, and like always PM me if you need a read.

Red Phoenix is hosted by this site and written by a very talented and good guy who let me use his likeness (In later episodes as well) and basically spoilers for his film/script. He was writing a sequel but that has died down.

I'm going to be fairly busy over the next couple days reformatting from scratch (Somehow converting an 80 page script from word perfect will convert it as all scene headings in Final Draft) so now I have to delay the release of The Juicer which is the first script I have written in quite a few years because Final Draft feels like being a frog again. Starting to feel like #747 but at least the person who read it can actually verify it being done ha-ha

By the way, if you're trying to decide on writing software... avoid Final Draft and go with something else because it causes nothing but problems. It even ruined 80% of my scripts a few months back (That thread is in Screenwriting Class)


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Alan_Holman
Posted: December 31st, 2006, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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The BC reference is made by a character who is obviously uninformed.
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: December 31st, 2006, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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Funny enough you mention that and I knew you'd go right for that. You see how misinformed can a "character" in a series be? He doesn't really exist so he doesn't have an opinion which is why he is a character in a series.

Now, if you in all your wisdom would have read the first season like you said you did numerous times you would have seen the fact that "Kenny" the character in question never liked the series he is misinformed about in the first place.

Jason and Danielle were actually the ones who liked the series.

Of course what do I know. It's not like I wrote this series or anything...


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: December 31st, 2006, 1:41pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Wes,

I just read the first episode and I have to say it is some of the funniest stuff I have read on this site.

The opening with Kenny and Jason at Sunday school was Gold!  The mom with her legs in the air...HA.

Man are dj's in Ontario as crude as they are in this script, they ain't like that in B.C

I loved this kinda bet, really crude stuff, but I  loved it.

The pick up scene felt off to me a little bit, didn't have the same flow as the rest of the story, I dunno what it is, but I just felt it.

I liked your trailer park boys refrence, I don't think anyone outside of Canada will get it though, unless it has made it state side already.

I laugh so hard when Erin brought out the dildo, I had a feeling something like that would happen.

anyways some very funny stuff here.  I will try to get an episode a week in, seems like it's right up my alley.


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Old Time Wesley
Posted: December 31st, 2006, 7:32pm Report to Moderator
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I fixed up the original pilot after I had finished the series. It is hard to write comedy and calling yourself a comedy writer makes people think you're always going to be funny.

This series originally started as a drama with comedy and stays true to that throughout. From feedback received, I feel it stays true to that.

Fresh Boots is basically my Howard Stern type and makes reference to him as well.

Anyway like always I appreciate the read and if you need anything read more so than something else, just send me a pm.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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tomson
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 3:54pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Steven,

this is in regard to episode eight and nine.

I read these two episodes quite a while ago, I'm slow and unorganized so I'm just now getting around to posting.

I really really enjoyed episode seven the animation episode.  I absolutely loved the camel!  I loved how you showed your creative side in episode seven and nine.  In episode nine I think you did a really nice job with the noir feel, while reading it I saw it in my head in black and white and old-style, but at the same time you continuously reminded us that this was still better days and the same old characters.  Good job.

Maybe because I really dug those two episodes seven and nine, episode eight seemed to me a little bit of a let down.  Not that it was bad in any way, but with the seriousness of the pregnancy I felt you missed a few opportunities to make it more dramatic but also at the same time I think you could have made it funnier.  Not sure if I'm capable of telling you why that episode wasn't perfect for me. I'm a poor script analyst.

I know I'm slow but I will continue to read this series all the way to the end.  By the way, what happened to episode 6.9?  Is that an episode only available via e-mail?  Just wondering....

Very good job, I enjoy it a lot even if I'm not your target audience.  
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DOM
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
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I'm confused. I just read "To Kill A Clerk"... is that the last ever episode? I'm asking because of the thanks on the title page. People don't usually do that until the finale. And because it says "Without you, I couldn't have stuck it out to the end".
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 5:00pm Report to Moderator
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Says that in the first episode too. It's more of a thanks to the people who read Season 1.

If someone reads 13 episodes and still wants more... You must be doing something right.

After "To Kill a Clerk" The Babysitter, Le Noir Detectives Part Deux - Return of Barbie and a few more episodes I might just have those final episodes be the end.

Then the film Better Days The Misadventure will be released which goes between the first and second seasons.

And that is the end of Better Days. No revisiting the well, no dragging it out until it becomes a trash... Just let my series ride into the sunset while it is still liked.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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