Batman - Pilot Episode by David Eskin - Series - As the story opens Batman is already a force in Gotham. He is mainly dealing with low life criminals. But after an accident at a plant, one of these low life criminals becomes The Joker. The Joker makes it his quest to kill Batman, and uses Commissioner Gordon as bait. 42 pages - pdf, format

There's a lot of nice action in this episode.  I definitely like the idea of Bruce Wayne going to Dr. Crane (the future Scarecrow) for a therapy session.  It's a nice take on the Clark Kent-Lex Luthor relationship in Smallville.  Everyone is introduced, including a version of Luthor here to set up an arc for the season.
However, it's a little too busy.  I like the idea of the Joker being in the pilot.  I even think it's a nice twist to have Gotham's police cause the unamed crook to become the Joker, as opposed to Batman himself, which has been in every version of the Joker origin.  But I don't think we need to be introduced to Selina (who becomes Salina midway through) as Catwoman so soon.  It would be nice to see a build of the Bruce/Batman dichotomy first.  I don't think Batman should have called Selina for a date from a phone booth, that would be good for later in the season once Selina is shown as Catwoman.  Most of your audience will know the players already, so this would be a great time to introduce a different take on every character.

Bruce has the potential to be a great character (well, we already KNOW he is one), and it would be nice to see him for more than quick scenes until the end.  I would have liked more repartee with Selina, perhaps a bigger build.  They don't need to date in the pilot, but they could move in that direction, and maybe end the first episode with Selina as Catwoman.
My other concern is that everyone comes off a little dumb.  Bullock wouldn;t have checked the videotapes?  How did he get where he is?  Alfred has to tell him, and with Spider-Man 3 level blatency, how to figure out where the Joker is?  And Catwoman has to save him?  The Joker also needs to kill more people indiscriminantly.  You've got the start of that with his dispatch of his henchman, but we need more of that.  Make him really deadly.  Batman doesn't have to be BATMAN, but show us more of Batman's taking down street trash and looking for a challenge.  The germ is there, but future drafts should explore the main characters more, and not necessarily rush them into a costume.
Hope this helps, I think I got on a ramble there.

The script felt much too "by the book".  We see Bruce's parents getting killed, then we see him beating up bad guys, then the Joker gets created...  

In a real Batman television show many of the elements you introduced probably wouldn't be there until later in the series.  You've thrown in the Joker without any introduction to his character, and within ten pages he's on a crime spree.  Everything felt a bit rushed, you should let the script breath a little.

Also, in traditional formatting, you should capitalize sound effects, but not nouns, unless they're characters.  Also, you should describe any of the characters when they're being introduced.

I have to agree with Khaos's "by the book" comment. You play it so safe and include so much history that this doesn't even feel like an original work. Even the best adaptations of novels or other published work include the writer's own style and takes on the characters and story. You don't try anything original. It reads like a one off from the late, great Batman Animated Series instead of a true drama with an ongoing story. To be completely honest, I would not be tuning in again next week... and I am one of the biggest Batman fans you can find out there.

Yeah, you rush into the rich and deep mythology of Batman here way too quickly. Murdering Thomas and Martha inside the first page? How is anyone not familiar with Batman supposed to care about these people?

Look at it this way - approach the script from the mindset of someone who's never really heard of Batman. They may know of him - that he's a famous superhero - but that's it. You need to ease them into the world of Gotham and Bruce Wayne the same way the first season of Smallville did for Clark Kent.

There are some great visuals to play with here - the first reveal of Batman in his outfit, the Batcave, all his Bat-thingummajigs, so don't race through them. Take your time, and let the viewer soak up the atmosphere. Likewise the creation of the Joker - they took a good chunk of the first Batman movie to do this. Build up the persona of the Crook who becomes Joker first, then dump him in acid much later on. Have a final, Act IV face-off between Joker and Batman to establish him as your Big Bad. Don't run into him inside 12 pages.

Likeiwse the amount of people we meet - setting up Lex is a neat touch, as is Dr. Crane, but Selina Kyle's a huge character and arguably deserves a full episode built around her, especially with Buce running into her and Joker in one episode here! Good to see the Joker's sadistic treatment of Gordon set up, though - we all know how important that becomes down the line!

Also, your script length's stuck between two lengths here - it's too long for a half-hour and too short for a one-hour, so work out which format you'd prefer. I'd say one hour, which means scripts 45-55 pages long (depending on how dialogue-heavy they are). A good Batman story features a heavy dose of CSI-style detective work as much as it does punching and swinging off buildings, so give yourself room for that. In fact, maybe even make this a two-parter so you can give the great funfair sequence its full legs!

I agree with most of the other comments. This was fine, everyone was in character, but it didn’t really add anything new to the Batman mythology. Dialogue was serviceable if a little on the nose and clichéd. The descriptions of the fights were clear and easy to visualize.
I felt the Joker’s origin was kind of thrown in there and needed more buildup. Same with Selina asking Bruce out on their first meeting. It felt like everything was happening too quickly and easily. I did like the setup of the tag with Dr. Crane, though. Made me feel like he and Bruce will almost have a Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter type relationship.
I highlighted a few mistakes below. Definitely need to give this one a proofread.
p. 2: Batman easily dispatches of? him
Don’t need to give storeowner a name unless he reappears later
P. 16: you have some action formatted as dialogue in Gordon’s last line
p. 21: You’re (your) secretary
p.22: action appears in Catwoman’s dialogue
p. 25: I’d drop Bullock saying “we’re all in the dark here”. Makes him sound like an idiot (unless that’s your intent).
p. 32: The Joker has a (an) evil smile
“by the time it wares (wears) off”
You have SALINA instead of SELINA several times
P. 38: “it (it’s) called my home”

Best of luck!

I figured I’d give this a read as I find the concept of a live action Batman serial extremely appealing, and out of nothing but dumbfounded curiosity I read the whole thing. I genuinely thought this was a remake of the 60’s campfest. I don’t like to criticise another’s work, but 95% of this script is unserviceable and in need of serious rework.

1) The dialogue is so on the nose I thought it was a parody. It’s so cut-and-dried you might as well be doing a paint by numbers book. Also a great deal of what’s actually said either doesn’t make sense or is completely uncharacteristic.
2) Alfred says “sir” about 2749 times in the script, it’s redundant and boring.
3) The Joker is shoehorned into a pilot episode with no backstory, very little exposition and no purpose; his actions and dialogue are poorly contrived and darn right silly.
4) Worst Selina Kyle I’ve ever seen. Her introduction was an awkward read. She would do nothing of the sort.
5) Other comments are correct - the characters are all so dumb...! Even Batman.
6) Format issues, grammatical errors and poor structure rampant throughout.
7) No sense of time throughout most of it. The first 20 pages could have happened within a day for all we know?
No subtext in any dialogue. No anecdotes to be had. No real conflict. No shock and awe. No surprise. No wow factor.
9) It’s so by the book. Nothing new or interesting about any character. No staying power.

I realise this is an old draft, and I seriously hope you’ve honed your craft and improved your writing because this was a very difficult read. I could literally have picked out something wrong from every page but I haven’t the time. Sorry.