Cheers Alffy,


The spelling and grammar errors have been ironed out from the draft you read originally (I hope, anyway).

It's good that you found the script, and Mary in particular, funny.

Thanks for the read.

Craig

Haha. Psychics are proving to be great fodder for parody. This is the second pyschic script I've read here and I could never get tired of it.

I honestly thought Mary was just a hack asking broad questions in the hope to hook people in. But the punchline at the end proved otherwise and was laugh out loud funny. Almost like a double wham punchline with awkward mix up with Mary says Andrea's husband is dead and then Andrea gets home at the end to find . . .  

If anything as a set up and build up to one punchline I felt this was way to long and could be a few pages short. The whole bit at the begining with the old coot making cups of tea could be dropped- even thou it was quirky and fun i was revellevent to the story.  

Cheers, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and had a laugh or two.

I don't see it as a set up and build up to one punchline though. The ending just proved that Mary was infact genuine. I tried to write it with lots of jokes and humour throughout, and I love bleak endings, that's why it is how it is!

I tried to develop characters (i.e. Gladys the tea lady etc), as eventually, I'm hoping to extend this (rather than shorten).

Thanks for your feedback, greatly appreciated.

Craig

Craig

I liked the "serious" version which was a very moving account of loss and the possibilities of moving on so I was interested to see what spin you'd put on it here.

Loved the mantra "Mediums do it with the lights off!" and the penguin bar reference.

You created a great central character in Mary and what a fantastic entrance too. Each "vision" of hers was funnier and harsher then the last and surprisingly accurate too for a person whose clearly checked out of her profession. When seeing that you were going to take this route with this I thought she was going to be this hopelessly inept, incompetent individual who kept getting it wrong but went the right way about it.

The dialogue throughout as sharp and clever as Mary never exactly spells out what she really means but we still know what she is implying and unfortunately for the victims, so do the surrounding audience. Plenty of cringe worthy moments here, I'll remember to keep my hand firmly by my side if I ever decided to go to one of these.

The ending threw me off slightly as its a huge character shift from Mary to the just introduced Andrea. I was enjoying Mary's take-no-prisoners attitude so much I didn't want to leave her back at the assembly hall. Also, it was a massive mood swing, really going from one end of the spectrum to the other. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, I didn't see it coming, thats for sure, given the flavour of the piece thus far so it arrested me on the spot.

Overall though, a good job, great writing, in particular the pincer tongued Mary. And credit must go to you for taking a very emotional, serious piece and turning it on its head (bar the final page of course) and pulling it off rather well.

So, in light of this, I hereby announce your next assignment...you've got two choices 1) Turn Irreversible into a Hairspray-esque musical 2) turn Schinder's list into a screwball, coming of age comedy with an additional character written specifically for Seth Rogen (he's in everything now, so you gotta conform, buddy) Best of luck

Col.

Hi Col,

Praise indeed! I'm really glad you enjoyed reading this. I loved writing for Mary as a character- there's scope for plenty more 'escapades' too.

The ending was an intentional 'slap in the face', and although I, myself, think it works, it seems to have caused a bit of controversy (apart from with Rendevous)!

I have actually expanded from the version hosted on simply scripts, as a sort of 'pilot' episode, and it's with BBC Writers' room as we speak. I've also had another E-mail from someone wanting to film it as part of a trilogy. It makes it all worthwhile when people enjoy your 'vision'!

If you'd like to see the lengthened version, drop me a PM, and I'll E-mail it to you.

Thanks for the read, and many thanks for your comments

All the best

Craig

PS Schindler's Laughs. Lets not even go there. There is a line..... lol

So this is the extended version then Craig, I actually think I've read this before, maybe you emailed me at some point.  No worries though cos I enjoyed as much the second time as I did the first.  As a result I'm not entirely sure what's new from my last response lol.

The ‘Thrush’ nickname makes me chuckle lol.

Page 7, I’m not sure if the crowd should murmur their reply as a dialogue or not?

Mary’s conversation with her mother on the phone is good addition.

Mary’s comments are very well thought out and I love the subtle jokes, the stigmata one with her response ‘Jesus! I wonder who that was for. Lol

The message for Robert doesn’t come from anyone in particular which seems a bit strange, when everyone else has a message come from a past love one.

I liked the raffle at the end too.

I loved this Craig, it's really funny and subtle.  I think some will miss some of the jokes but I love this kind of comedy.  You should post the other episodes too.

By the way...do you have Dawn French's number, I wonder if she available? lol.

Cheers Alffy,

Thanks for the read. You could be right, you may have read it earlier, I know I've e-mailed some of the further episodes.

Regarding the message to Robert: I tried to vary them to avoid repetition. There's a few more like that in the later episodes.

I was a little worried about the 'British' humour to begin with, but there's always google, isn't there?

Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying them, I'll start getting further ones posted up soon!

Cheers buddy,

Craig

Hey Craig, so episode 2's up.

I haven't noticed too much of a change from the one you sent me so here are my thoughts;

I noticed a few pages of just dialogue, it's your preference, but I'd try to break it up with a few little actions.  Then again I guess as a sitcom, which this essentially is, dialogue is the engine so this would be fine.  Totally contradicting myself there lol.

'you!  You and Mary had....tuppence?'  Lol.  I love reading British scripts as I relate to the comedy much better.  I guess it works the other way for the Yanks too.  Keep that quiet on the boards lol.

'an infected gash' jesus I alomost spat my pint all over the laptop when I read this, really funny mate!

I was wondering if this was going to be the same kind of thing.  Mary telling a few funny stories but actually you released a bit more background on the main characers and I hope you continue to do this in future episodes.  Mary was her usual hilarious self and I liked how you played out Iona's story.  Again I breezed through this and it was thoroughly entertaining.  Good work Craig.

Keep 'em coming mate.

Cheers Alffy,


Glad you enjoyed this as much as the first episode!

I can't wish for better than 'thoroughly entertaining', I thought the characters deserved a bit more fleshing out- it's good that you thought it worked.

Episode 3 coming soon, buddy!

Craig

Wow, the lads from the UK are really producing some 'excellence' by way of 'series scripts' lately. Yep, that other guy as well.

Thoroughly enjoyed it Craig - some terrific cracking me up laugh-out-loud moments in this ep. further characterisation and defining of characters - Mary on home-turf; Joey.  A few quibbles re description with your personification i.e. 'humanizing of objects' with the word 'stands' which is  ... jmo.

Fantastic lines: "Clap.
                      No it’s just itching."

"Why they want to go up the
dirt track when they’ve got a
perfectly good motorway round the
other side, I’ll never know."

I'd delete that 'gagging line' - again jmo.

Classic stuff mate!

DF would be mad not to take the role

Craig,

I'm fast becoming a bit of fan of this series. The dialogue draws me in and in a couple of minutes I'm sat in that bloody HALL! lol. I enjoyed this. Keep em coming mate.

Having read the next few I know fans of this are in for a treat.

Gherkins anyone?

The quality of the scripts is kept up and if anything, it improves.

I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

The downside? Well, frankly, and, then, there's the comma's. And the apostrophe's, oh, and the and the 'and's. And some' more of those pesky apostrophe's, and, the comma's. Do you think he's took the hint yet? You do? Oh, okay.

In other words there's little I can fault apart from some minor grammar gripes. And I love Edith. And Mary is pretty good too.

Read it. It's the funniest thing I've read in ages.

Was that alright Craig? No... Can I have it in twenties please?. No! Not here. For fuck's sake you commamad freak you.

This meeting of The Mutual Appreciation Society has sadly broken down into a row. Normal service resuming shortly...

RV

Hey Craig

SPOILERS!!!

I like how you've now given some backround on Mary. I love how her mum is an alcoholic too lol.

In, out, in, out, shake it all about.  lol, that's classic mate.

I know it's your intentions are to make it obvious that Iona is Mary and Sam's child and it works well cos I was already sniggering at the prospect before Iona arrived and killed the conversation.

The crack of Dawn gag always gets a chuckle.  I do fear that a lot of your comedy will be lost on the Americans.

I have to say I was a little disgusted with Andy's hobby lol.

Another great episode Craig.

I can tell you have real fun writing these.

Thanks to everyone who has read the episodes so far, I'm glad you're enjoying them!

L C - I'm really happy that you are thoroughly enjoying these, and it's good to see I had you laughing out loud. It means a lot to me that you are getting so much out of it, and for you to call it classic stuff- it makes it all worth while; I value your opinion very highly and can't thank you enough for your advice and feedback

Malcolm3 - Hi there! It's great news that you are becoming a fan of the series. I hope you enjoy the further episodes coming soon. Good on you, matey!

Re - What can I say that you don't already know? As with Libby, your opinions and feedback are greatly valued. It is great to know that you're finding it enjoyable, and I'm pleased that you think they're getting better as they go along. "Read it. It's The funniest thing I've read in ages"- The cheque is in the post, sir. I know my comma usage irratates you, I'll try to improve, promise!

Alffy - You're right, I absolutely love writing these- especially Mary and Edith's quips. It's nice to know you've enjoyed these so much, and your comments and advice are always good to hear. And yes, Andy's (and Mary's) hobby is truly horrendous isn't it!

Number four's up already? Cheers Don, you're certainly a fast worker.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this just as much as the others.

Apologies in advance to any gherkin lovers out there....