Family Secrets Epiode 1: Pilot by Luis Garza - Series, Drama - In the first episode, Sarah and Matt are forced to move into the house of their unknown cousin Clary because of a horrible car crash were they lost their parents. As soon as they move in, the Family Drama begins and the Secrets start to unleash. 43 pages - docx, format

Family Secrets: Episode 2: No Room For A Bad Seed by Luis Garza - Series, Drama - The tension in the house builds up as Sarah finds a big secret to keep. 41 pages - docx, format

Family Secrets: Episode 3:  The Hidden Secret by Luis Garza - Series, Drama - Clary comes home to find a horrible tragedy that may or may not involve Sarah. 42 pages - docx, format

Wow. What a log line. Passive sentences, subject-less sentences ... can I say that I got confused by the log-line? And that's not a good sign.

Sorry, but I had to take a look at the script. I know you've obviously taken some effort to produce this, but there's some problems immediately evident, and they're not good ones.

After your FADE IN:, you need to have a location before you give a description of the location.

Your first INT. is CONTINUED ... from what?

p.1 The room is big, girly, and simple, there is a mirror in the corner where there’s a girl in front of it getting dressed.
-- This is not a good sentence, and it's not a good description.

First port-of-call Luis, you need to look into your punctuation - it's not good. There's loads of free resources out there to help you with this, so if you truly care about your work, take some time away and read up some.

Simon

Thanks for letting me know. Yes i put continued since i was writing another script and it was continued, i must've gotten confused. And yes that wasnt the best way to describe the room, I will revise it. And the logline i posted the draft instead of the final so i will edit that to so it can be more clear. Thank you
-Luis

Okay - post up when you've re-written.

The script has been updated and fixed.. Thanks Don