Right on, Phil. Look forward to it. Good luck.

Ok giving this a read.

My initial thought on page one is that you are telling us too much and not showing us these things. Example you tell us its the annual company picnic, you tell us 300-400 people show up every year, you tell us Phil and JT work as low level managers in a warehouse.

With writing a screenplay you need to show not tell,=.

Also no need to use the term Camera, If you wanna give any camera directions at all you could have simply used CUT TO or you could have just wrote " A long line of employees waiting to throw pies at CARL"

The trophy presentation with the man cleaning the toilet and the man standing over him giving a thumbs up was funny, clever.

The aunts humping and Licking caught me off guard but in a good way it was funny.

I am noticing a lack of description on some of your locations, on Page 9 you have INT. Work - Dawn, you say they are conducting an interview but where is this interview being conducted?

The sequence with him crying in the car and the cops approaching was humorous.

Overall this was a really good effort for your first screenplay and this has alot of potential, my main suggestion would be to work on showing us whats happening and not telling us. Also work on your descriptions, make sure the reader can envision where the scene takes place and what the characters look like.

This is definitely a funny premise and I look forward to reading your future re-writes and next episodes.

*EDIT*
Looking through the other comments it looks like other reviewers already hit on most of my thoughts and you are addressing it in a re-write, Sorry I didnt read the other comments before posting my review.

Phil - you already got some good advice - so I won't repeat what you have already heard. Two  things you need to work on are (1) active versus passive voice and (2) unnecessary words. There are several instances throughout the script where this is a problem. Here is one example where both issues are evident.

Quoted Text Phil’s staring at his deceased mother lying in her casket.

In active voice this would be:

Phil stares at his deceased mother lying in her casket.

So look at all of your description lines and whenever you see a word that ends in "ing" (e.g., walking, talking) and/or has an "Is" in front of it (e.g., is typing) see if you can't convert it to active voice (e.g., eldave is typing - should be - eldave types, etc.)

Then look for each unnecessary word. Let's use the corrected line as an example.

Quoted Text Phil stares at his deceased mother lying in her casket.

Okay, now we got it in active voice. But do we need the word "deceased"? Would she be in the casket alive? Also - can we get rid of lying (an ing word). We can.

Phil stares at his mother in an open casket.   OR

Phil's mother rests in an open casket. He stares at her.

Anyway - go thru the script and look for this - best of luck.